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It Doesn't Have to be a Battle [Raising a Strong-Willed Child]

August 18, 2016 ashley glass

There are a few things that people say every time they meet our daughter Reese:

a) She's SO cute!!
b) She has such an amazing personality!
c) Watch out... she's going to give you all a LOT of trouble!

All three of those are very true, but the last one is the one that tends to bring me the most stress. I mean, the girl is not yet three and she has more opinions than a politician.

For instance, I have medium length hair and I can't stand to have it on my neck. By the end of the day I'm hot, tired, feeling absolutely disgusting and 90% of the time, all of that results in me throwing it up in a messy ponytail. When I walk in the front door, Reese exclaims, "No, Mommy!! Don't wear your hair up! Don't wear your hair up!!!!" Seriously it's so bad, that I'm at the point of shaving it. [Not really, but seriously!?] I want to say, "Daughter, I will WEAR my hair however I f'ing choose to!"

The battle of wills has begun and honestly? It can be a little intimidating to have such a strong-willed child. It's not that she's BAD, because she's not. There's a few things that she's realizing: she knows she's funny. She knows she makes people laugh. And as her intelligence grows each day, she is learning that she has choices and a very large voice to make her preferences known.

So here's what I am learning about raising a strong-willed and independent child:

-Giving her choices is uber important (and can also be very trying): which shoes to wear, shirt, shorts, pajamas, toy to bring in the shower or bathtub, which color sippy cup, etc.
-Sometimes a firm redirection just doesn't work. She needs a friendly voice combined with a firm voice more often than not. With our son, we can tell him, "Go clean up your mess," and while sometimes there's a few grumbles, he knows just to do it. With her, being told, "Go do such and such," needs a little extra coaching. "Hey, you can leave those two toys out that you're still playing with, but let's clean up the rest." Usually if we add friendly to firm she starts singing the 'clean up' song and gets the job done.
-Sometimes I need to walk away. This is the area I struggle the most in, and obviously telling my toddlers, "I need a break," and closing a door isn't feasible. But picking my battles is crucial. Is it the end of the world if she leaves the bathroom to brush her teeth? Or if she left three toys out when she they're all supposed to be put away? There are little things that every mom of a 2-year old deals with... and as long as she's listening and obeying? I have to remind myself to breathe and CHILL.
-Catching the positives and praising her often is essential, as is making sure she hears them. I grumble, a lot. And the second she did it back at me I knew I had made a mistake. Guess what? Now she does it ALL. THE. TIME. I didn't even know I had done it audibly but here we are. So when she instead responds to me with, "Okay!" Or, "Yes, Mom," I praise the HECK out of her. There are lots of days when I feel like I am redirecting both kids 24/7, but it's actually helped each of them when I pass out positive affirmations while they are doing something GOOD. These types of moments can be easily missed; the sweet responses, the obedience to small tasks, but noticing them is vital.
-She's doesn't hate me. No, but for real, aren't there some days when you take the things your kids do or say personally? Bedtime has been rough for us lately, mainly for me. She tests every ounce of my limits when it's my turn to put her down. She wants to be funny and try to escape the room or her bed or fight the covers, and it can make me SO angry. And come eight o'clock at night, I'm just TIRED of redirecting kids. But she's not being disobedient because she hates me, she's doing it because for whatever reason she thinks MY rules are guidelines (she doesn't act that way with Dad!) and she needs my help understanding otherwise.
-She seems super strong at times and much more independent than her brother, but she still needs lots of love. She sometimes puts on a hard face and crosses her arms over her chest out of anger and frustration, but often those are the times she needs to be scooped up and hugged the most.

Man is this going to be trial and error though, am I right? Who would have thought that there would be SO many articles on "SWC"  (Strong-Willed Children)?? And it's not even that her brother is perfect or that we don't struggle with him; he's a rule follower and extremely Type A, (completely opposite from her!), but there's learning to be had with mothering him as well (duh, right?)

I have quite a few favorites that she does at the moment: stretching her arms high in the sky faking just waking up, omg, so funny. The way she wants to wait on the porch and watch me leave each day as I head off to work, tears. Her, "I need a hug, Mommy! I need a kiss, a kiss!" on repeat at naptime, bedtime, anytime...oh I love it. How she mothers her babies, singing them 'Sunshine' and rocking them to sleep... a glimpse into what a wonderful mama she will someday be!

Strong-willed children don't translate to bad children. It doesn't mean that they are terrible kids or disobey just to be defiant. I can't even begin to fathom all the GOOD she is going to do. And I really believe that with her Daddy's and I help, she won't allow the world to change her, but that she will change the world. Peer pressure, hopefully she'll breeze right past it. Being a pushover, I don't think that'll ever be an adjective anyone uses to describe her. Her favorite song is 'Fight Song' by Rachel Platten and she especially loves to watch the Supergirl show's Intro (with that as the theme song). She is brave, sweet, loves hard, and her firecracker personality is helping me as her mom grow and be better each day.

**Anyone else have a strong willed child? Or maybe you have a rule follower and are learning how to better parent him/her. Maybe you have both like I do? I always love hearing from you, jot me a note and share your tips and tricks and/or how YOU stay sane ;) ** 

 

 

 

Tags daughter, toddler, strong willed child, parenting, honest parenting, motherhood
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WELCOME I'm Ashley! A blogger + photographer living in Kentucky with my husband of ten years and two littles. When I'm not writing, snapping photos or chasing the kids around, you can find me baking something sweet while chugging  re-heated coffee. 

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Thanks for holding me, hugging me, kissing me, and tolerating me. I have expensive taste in horses, cry lots of unpredictable tears, and ask you EVERY SINGLE NIGHT to be big spoon. Undeserving is one word I would use to describe me, but beyond blessed is the other. Who is your favorite 🥄, ladies? #lol ♥️ Tag your person below and tell me, are you a cuddler when you go to bed or do you prefer to be left alone? #gatherwiththeglasses
With @Thomasbreakfast, there are so many ways to make eating bread anything but ordinary. The kids love to help make homemade French toast with the cinnamon #thomasswirlbread and let’s face it, we as parents just like that they eat it so WELL. Today though, Reesie went straight to original, and wanted it as a side with her eggs + fruit! There are a couple of yummy flavors: Cinnamon Raisin & Cinnamon and they’re both oh so delish! You probably won’t ever go back to regular French toast once you try this! Tell me, are you a sweet or savory breakfast kinda person? #ad
To the one whose arms I will forever be running and jumping into... ✨❤️especially when our Valentine’s Day looks like being informed of very painful and heart wrenching news. I haven’t been able to hug you yet today since learning our sweet, brave pup Humphrey has cancer. While I have sat and wondered all day how in the world I’m going to make it through...I’m reminded that I have you. You are my strong, my calm, my safe, and my person. I love you, precious husband. Today and every day I will hold you. We’ve got this...somehow someway, we can do this together. (ps: some of you may have had similar experiences of being given a pets’ fatal diagnosis... please pray for us in this time and send all your positive thoughts.)
We have been LOVING the newest addition to our home, @portalfromfacebook! Whether it's video chatting with Dad while we're working on homework, or having mini dance parties using their built-in Spotify, YouTube or Pandora apps — Portal and Portal+ make it easier to share everyday moments with loved ones. And with Smart Camera, there's no need to sit still as more people enter a room, because it automatically widens to keep everyone in view. Have you tried the Portal yet? Learn more and get yours! (See my Brand Work highlights and stories for the swipe up link!) #portalpartner #portal #feelthere
Raise your hand if you get your brows waxed!!! 💁🏼‍♀️ I’ve been going to @dollfacebrowsofficial for over a year now and have not only fallen in love with the shop owner and aesthetician @jess_bartley , the staff is GOOD at what they do!! I had my brows tinted and waxed today, and I love how they look. But, hold up...ding ding ding.... 💃🏼 The shop now offers full body waxing, ladies. Yep. And Michaela, who I worked with today, was the bomb dot com. If you haven’t yet made an appointment here at this ADORABLE business in the heart of Nulu, sisters, you’re missing out. #dollfacebrowsandbeauty #sharelouisville
From baby to professional ball player 🏀 Seriously though, this kid has so much talent. His drive is insane and his passion for this sport is relentless. This is really just a post to brag on my six year old 😍 Our weekend consisted of basketball, Valentine card shopping and me being upset about the rain (over it...) Did any of your kids play basketball or have they shown interest at all?
Literally 70 degrees here in Kentucky today, but don’t let this adorable happy photo fool you.. it has been raining ALL week here and the low tonight is 20. CMON, SPRING, I’M READY! I get this way every year... Christmas ends, it never really snows, and I’m just ready for sunshine and sandals. These two though, they make me so happy, regardless of the season. I freaked out when I learned I was pregnant with Reese, and seriously I thank the Lord often that He surprised us with her! They’re 15 months apart, how close in age are your kiddos? Or if you don’t have kids, how close age wise are you to your sibling(s)? 😍
Asa and I aren't huge Valentine's Day people, especially now that we have kids and we like to get them sweet surprises; however, it still always means SO much to me when he does the simple things: flowers + chocolates, he knows the way to my heart! @krogerco is our one stop shop for all the things, and with Kroger’s app with digital coupons, we always end up saving more $ than we planned! What do you guys do for or on Valentine's Day? You should know that #krogerco is having a custom chocolate covered strawberry station happening February 13 and 14, I definitely want to take our kiddos to that!  #KrogerPartner #Kroger
Thanks for holding me, hugging me, kissing me, and tolerating me. I have expensive taste in horses, cry lots of unpredictable tears, and ask you EVERY SINGLE NIGHT to be big spoon. Undeserving is one word I would use to describe me, but beyond blessed is the other. Who is your favorite 🥄, ladies? #lol ♥️ Tag your person below and tell me, are you a cuddler when you go to bed or do you prefer to be left alone? #gatherwiththeglasses With @Thomasbreakfast, there are so many ways to make eating bread anything but ordinary. The kids love to help make homemade French toast with the cinnamon #thomasswirlbread and let’s face it, we as parents just like that they eat it so WELL. Today though, Reesie went straight to original, and wanted it as a side with her eggs + fruit! There are a couple of yummy flavors: Cinnamon Raisin & Cinnamon and they’re both oh so delish! You probably won’t ever go back to regular French toast once you try this! Tell me, are you a sweet or savory breakfast kinda person? #ad To the one whose arms I will forever be running and jumping into... ✨❤️especially when our Valentine’s Day looks like being informed of very painful and heart wrenching news. I haven’t been able to hug you yet today since learning our sweet, brave pup Humphrey has cancer. While I have sat and wondered all day how in the world I’m going to make it through...I’m reminded that I have you. You are my strong, my calm, my safe, and my person. I love you, precious husband. Today and every day I will hold you. We’ve got this...somehow someway, we can do this together. (ps: some of you may have had similar experiences of being given a pets’ fatal diagnosis... please pray for us in this time and send all your positive thoughts.) We have been LOVING the newest addition to our home, @portalfromfacebook! Whether it's video chatting with Dad while we're working on homework, or having mini dance parties using their built-in Spotify, YouTube or Pandora apps — Portal and Portal+ make it easier to share everyday moments with loved ones. And with Smart Camera, there's no need to sit still as more people enter a room, because it automatically widens to keep everyone in view. Have you tried the Portal yet? Learn more and get yours! (See my Brand Work highlights and stories for the swipe up link!) #portalpartner #portal #feelthere Raise your hand if you get your brows waxed!!! 💁🏼‍♀️ I’ve been going to @dollfacebrowsofficial for over a year now and have not only fallen in love with the shop owner and aesthetician @jess_bartley , the staff is GOOD at what they do!! I had my brows tinted and waxed today, and I love how they look. But, hold up...ding ding ding.... 💃🏼 The shop now offers full body waxing, ladies. Yep. And Michaela, who I worked with today, was the bomb dot com. If you haven’t yet made an appointment here at this ADORABLE business in the heart of Nulu, sisters, you’re missing out. #dollfacebrowsandbeauty #sharelouisville From baby to professional ball player 🏀 Seriously though, this kid has so much talent. His drive is insane and his passion for this sport is relentless. This is really just a post to brag on my six year old 😍 Our weekend consisted of basketball, Valentine card shopping and me being upset about the rain (over it...) Did any of your kids play basketball or have they shown interest at all? Literally 70 degrees here in Kentucky today, but don’t let this adorable happy photo fool you.. it has been raining ALL week here and the low tonight is 20. CMON, SPRING, I’M READY! I get this way every year... Christmas ends, it never really snows, and I’m just ready for sunshine and sandals. These two though, they make me so happy, regardless of the season. I freaked out when I learned I was pregnant with Reese, and seriously I thank the Lord often that He surprised us with her! They’re 15 months apart, how close in age are your kiddos? Or if you don’t have kids, how close age wise are you to your sibling(s)? 😍 Asa and I aren't huge Valentine's Day people, especially now that we have kids and we like to get them sweet surprises; however, it still always means SO much to me when he does the simple things: flowers + chocolates, he knows the way to my heart! @krogerco is our one stop shop for all the things, and with Kroger’s app with digital coupons, we always end up saving more $ than we planned! What do you guys do for or on Valentine's Day? You should know that #krogerco is having a custom chocolate covered strawberry station happening February 13 and 14, I definitely want to take our kiddos to that!  #KrogerPartner #Kroger

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