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The Oops That Became Our Biggest "Thank You, Jesus!"

January 15, 2018 ashley glass
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Dear Sisters, 

There have been several of you who have asked to hear my story about "the time I found out I was pregnant with our daughter," or as I like to call it, "the time I put an extra emphasis on the F Word and how God used it ALL for His good." I wrote an e-mail back to a mama recently and decided that I would share it here in this space, with all of you. 

Soooooo yes, our son Pierson was seven months old when I discovered I was pregnant AGAIN. Which means he was SIX months when it happened. I blame our anniversary, my hyperthyroid, and my husband. Duh. 


I sat on the toilet, please keep in mind that I am a Christian and love Jesus dearly; peed on the stick while my husband cooked us lunch, and our son was napping. It was Martin Luther Kind JR day and the reason I remember is because well, first off, it was traumatizing, but also because we had the day off as school teachers. 

"What the F***K are we going to DO!?!?!?" I screamed when my husband entered the bathroom. He looked down at the stick, kissed the top of my head, and said, "We're going to have a baby!" 

I then sat there and wept into my hands, refusing to leave the toilet. I called my mom and barely got two words out before she said, "Oh honey..." and then I lost it even more. 

I had some pretty terrible thoughts those early stages, I will be 100% honest (and vulnerable here). I remember at one point thinking that it would be OKAY if I didn't have this baby and it would be OKAY if God decided I couldn't carry it. I'm talking, EARLY EARLY, like before 8 weeks of pregnancy. It is an AWFUL thought to have as a mom, but I'm human. And I was hormonal x 10000. I, of course, did not do anything to try to hurt my belly or baby, but I wondered if somehow it could or would just go away.

I then began to have super rational worries [aka the most trivial, strangest, random thoughts EVER]:

We lived in a house with a lot of stairs going from the street to the front door. I remember thinking, legit, HOW I was going to go up and down stairs with TWO kids?! 

C'mon, Ashley... women have sextuplets... 

Girl, I wondered how I would grocery shop. 

Oh, wait... my husband primarily does that. Like 99.789% of the time. So it was another really dumb thing to panic over, but I definitely panicked. OH, and again, women have sextuplets, Ashley, CHILL.

I started to crave sweet things: chocolate, LOTS of chocolate, and NO red meat or sour things [which is what I craved w/ my son]. My face started breaking out galore and I just knew it was a girl. Which is what I wanted if I was having another baby, which clearly I was. We had a gender reveal and sure enough, the cupcake inside was PINK. 

I FINALLY started to bond with her... I FINALLY started to feel okay. Once I embraced WHO was growing in my belly, I actually began to LOVE her. And pray for her. And get excited to meet her. 

So this giant novel is written to express to you that I DEFINITELY freaked out. Like, more than the average mom I am suspecting...? Maybe?? And it's okay if you have or do TOO. Because you do have a long time to continue growing him or her. And he or she IS a miracle. You wouldn't be pregnant with him or her IF there wasn't a plan. And I'm positive God has a beautiful one in mind. 

My Reese tests and challenges me like no one EVER has in my life. I have never disliked someone so strongly and yet LOVED them so deeply; the emotions are a whirlwind often, but she literally makes me laugh out loud and is one of THE funniest humans on this planet [and she's FOUR.] I pray deeply for her as a girl who will turn into a woman; she has a STRONG personality, a very strong will to be seen, heard, and loved. She is going to move mountains, FOR REAL, I am just certain. 

If you're wondering how the transition will be, well, you may as well stop worrying about that :) There's NO way you can really plan for it. Pierson was fifteen months old when we brought her home. Barely toddling around himself and here was his mom, pulling out her boob to nurse this brand new BABY. I can remember some difficulty when he wanted me at the same time as I was feeding. But I very quickly learned how to time and gauge those moments. 

-Make sure he has a snack WHILE I am feeding her, and make sure it's an easy one he can feed himself! 
-Turn on the TV or something that he can watch for 20-30 minutes WHILE I nurse
-Praise him and love him and laugh with him, as OFTEN as I can 

Those were just a few. You'll learn. And he or she will just fit. And you won't know it any other way. I often wonder what life would look like if ours were 2+ years apart [my goal was 2.5 because my brothers and I are all 2.5 years apart!] Clearly, God's plan was different. I was on the pill and nursing and still got pregnant. Soooooooo not much more I could have done!! 

I hope while you're reading, you've laughed a little, and you can breathe a little easier. Tonight as I sit here typing I'm actually a little envious of you! Isn't that funny!? My husband got a vasectomy when Reese was six weeks old (for his 30th birthday, lol) no joke; because I just didn't want my body to go through it so quickly again and I feared it would. But I do miss it!! The wonder and excitement, the RATIONAL parts of the fears, the movements and hiccups and the belly growing each month. Sigh. See? It's ALL going to be okay. 

Chin up, sister. You've got this! And if I can help whatsoever, know that I am here and willing!!!! 

In motherhood, self-inspiration Tags motherhood, momlife, honesty, honest motherhood, raw, Reese elisabeth, reesie beth, daughter, God Knew, trust, emails, five years ago, share your heart, pregnancy
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WELCOME I'm Ashley! A blogger + photographer living in Kentucky with my husband of seven years and two toddlers. When I'm not writing, snapping photos or chasing the kids around, you can find me baking something sweet while chugging  re-heated coffee. 

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Hey sweet girl, “you are imperfect and wired for struggle, but you are WORTHY of love and belonging.” Who, me? Yes, you. To my daughter and my son and to my mother and my sisters. To all my friends, far and wide, reading this, wherever you are. I wrote a blog post on the topic of being worthy and the link is in my bio. At some point, we started selling ourselves short. At some point, we started believing that we are NOT enough. Wherever you are—Australia, Africa, Kentucky, Tennessee...will you give this one a read? It’s my hug to you. My sincere encouragement that you are enough. (Quote from Brené Brown; one of my all time favorites).
#Ad Just in time for grilling season, Hellmann’s, America’s favorite mayonnaise brand, now has a Ketchup sweetened only with Honey. I’m holding tightly to the warm days we had this LAST weekend and loved every second of being with the kids, playing (and eating!) outdoors, and we are obsessed with this all-new @hellmannsmayonnaise ketchup! What are your favorite grilling condiments? Can you guess Reese’s go-to? 😂 ##HellmannsKetchup
“I am a dreamer
Take me higher
Open the sky up
Start a fire
I believe even if it's just a dream-“ I have literally dreamt of having a horse, my own horse, since I was able to walk. Today, he arrived. I spent six hours at the barn and in this field, and I am so in love. My plan? To ride him, love him, tell him my hopes and dreams, and to instill in my kids the love for these large animals and farm life. Thank you, Jesus, for this day. For this horse. And for @thehorserescue_org for turning my dreams into a reality.
Oh hey, Friday! The weather is supposed to be 👌🏻 and guess whose getting her horse tomorrow?? In the meantime, I’ll just be over here enjoying the sunshine, enjoying all the cuddles with my fam and soaking all my blessings in. I recently listened to Rachel Hollis’ podcast on anxiety and I love that she said, “you cannot feel grateful and anxious at the same time, you just can’t.” So when I have started to feel it creeping in, this week I’ve gone through my list of blessings and remembered anxiety has no claim! Breathe in those blessings, babe, you’ve got this!
75 degrees and sunny today? Yes, please. If only he felt as good as he did in this photo! My sweet guy has battled a fever all day and into the night; he now has a hive like rash from whatever virus this is, and he just had forehead stitches Tuesday from falling on the playground! Earlier today he asked me to carry him up the stairs because he was too tired and I more than happily obliged. He will soon be six and he’s so quickly growing up...I mourn the day he towers over me and I can no longer carry him with ease. Anyway, all the emotional mom feels over here tonight, anyone else relate?
I literally couldn’t see straight when this photo was taken (due to sinus pressure!) so needless to say I’m thrilled it turned out cute 😂 For me, my love language is words of affirmation—which I freely give to Asa. His is acts of service, which he abundantly does for me. So we give each other OUR love language—do you find this to be true in your relationship? I’m guessing it’s fairly normal because it’s what comes most “easy” to us, because it’s what WE want. But for Asa and I, it works and I am so glad. Thanks for doing life with me, Boo. Choosing you is so dang wonderful. Photo by my sis in law: @jana_glass
Remember when they were babies? And we used to walk and hold them? And the conversations were one sided? And then suddenly they started walking beside you...? Sharing their insight and input. Holding your hand. Looking up at you, and being your sweetest friend. These adventures are everything, and I am cherishing every single second! 🍃🌸
Anyone else wishing for a big giant weekend nap? My babes (who definitely aren’t babies) don’t even nap these days buuuut I remember those afternoons so well ✨ We are having all the cinnamon rolls this SNOWY Saturday morning, what’s your weekend plan look like? (Quote is @pinterest inspired)
Hey sweet girl, “you are imperfect and wired for struggle, but you are WORTHY of love and belonging.” Who, me? Yes, you. To my daughter and my son and to my mother and my sisters. To all my friends, far and wide, reading this, wherever you are. I wrote a blog post on the topic of being worthy and the link is in my bio. At some point, we started selling ourselves short. At some point, we started believing that we are NOT enough. Wherever you are—Australia, Africa, Kentucky, Tennessee...will you give this one a read? It’s my hug to you. My sincere encouragement that you are enough. (Quote from Brené Brown; one of my all time favorites). #Ad Just in time for grilling season, Hellmann’s, America’s favorite mayonnaise brand, now has a Ketchup sweetened only with Honey. I’m holding tightly to the warm days we had this LAST weekend and loved every second of being with the kids, playing (and eating!) outdoors, and we are obsessed with this all-new @hellmannsmayonnaise ketchup! What are your favorite grilling condiments? Can you guess Reese’s go-to? 😂 ##HellmannsKetchup “I am a dreamer
Take me higher
Open the sky up
Start a fire
I believe even if it's just a dream-“ I have literally dreamt of having a horse, my own horse, since I was able to walk. Today, he arrived. I spent six hours at the barn and in this field, and I am so in love. My plan? To ride him, love him, tell him my hopes and dreams, and to instill in my kids the love for these large animals and farm life. Thank you, Jesus, for this day. For this horse. And for @thehorserescue_org for turning my dreams into a reality. Oh hey, Friday! The weather is supposed to be 👌🏻 and guess whose getting her horse tomorrow?? In the meantime, I’ll just be over here enjoying the sunshine, enjoying all the cuddles with my fam and soaking all my blessings in. I recently listened to Rachel Hollis’ podcast on anxiety and I love that she said, “you cannot feel grateful and anxious at the same time, you just can’t.” So when I have started to feel it creeping in, this week I’ve gone through my list of blessings and remembered anxiety has no claim! Breathe in those blessings, babe, you’ve got this! 75 degrees and sunny today? Yes, please. If only he felt as good as he did in this photo! My sweet guy has battled a fever all day and into the night; he now has a hive like rash from whatever virus this is, and he just had forehead stitches Tuesday from falling on the playground! Earlier today he asked me to carry him up the stairs because he was too tired and I more than happily obliged. He will soon be six and he’s so quickly growing up...I mourn the day he towers over me and I can no longer carry him with ease. Anyway, all the emotional mom feels over here tonight, anyone else relate? I literally couldn’t see straight when this photo was taken (due to sinus pressure!) so needless to say I’m thrilled it turned out cute 😂 For me, my love language is words of affirmation—which I freely give to Asa. His is acts of service, which he abundantly does for me. So we give each other OUR love language—do you find this to be true in your relationship? I’m guessing it’s fairly normal because it’s what comes most “easy” to us, because it’s what WE want. But for Asa and I, it works and I am so glad. Thanks for doing life with me, Boo. Choosing you is so dang wonderful. Photo by my sis in law: @jana_glass Remember when they were babies? And we used to walk and hold them? And the conversations were one sided? And then suddenly they started walking beside you...? Sharing their insight and input. Holding your hand. Looking up at you, and being your sweetest friend. These adventures are everything, and I am cherishing every single second! 🍃🌸 Anyone else wishing for a big giant weekend nap? My babes (who definitely aren’t babies) don’t even nap these days buuuut I remember those afternoons so well ✨ We are having all the cinnamon rolls this SNOWY Saturday morning, what’s your weekend plan look like? (Quote is @pinterest inspired)

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