“Ashley Glass New Job.” Was in my recent Google analytics’ search.
I wanted to write about my new job right from the beginning and never made the time, as seems to be my journey with most of my writing plans. It was ironic that I looked at those search phrases the same day that a bomb was dropped in my lap.
Last school year I made the decision to venture from the setting I had been in for the past decade, and to try something NEW. I saw the opening at Georgia Chaffee T.A.P.P. and hit 'apply.' Low and behold, I received and did an interview and within a couple of weeks, I was hired. I had been eyeing the T.A.P.P program for several years, I had heard so many amazing things about it. It's our local teenage pregnancy program, and I had NO idea what to expect upon walking in the double doors.
I was greeted warmly by the staff. The ECE (special ed) teacher I would be working closely with, and I hit it off immediately. Within the first week, it felt like home to me. Laughing and joking and cutting up with my co-workers, especially the ones on my end of the hallway. I fell in love with the classes I was co-teaching in, English and Civics. I worked well with the teachers, observing and collaborating and helping wherever and however I was needed. It was a dream job.
And the girls, the pregnant ones and the mamas, there aren’t enough words to describe my adoration and respect for them. Getting back to the bomb, shall we? The ECE teacher and I were called to the Principal's office on our planning. We walked in, and we knew by looking at her and the assistant principal, something was wrong. She immediately got down to business...our school district didn't like that our ECE numbers are SO low, and they were making her cut one of us. Right now our state (most states) are in a ginormous teacher shortage, so they are pulling as many teachers as they can to fill empty positions.
"Glass has seniority," she said. "She can stay or she can choose to leave." The conversation went on a few minutes longer, but the moral of the story is that she pulled us in TOGETHER, said in front of my co-worker, "Ashley gets to choose." She even said something like, "One of you gets to do something nice for the other."
That was it. We shook our heads in disbelief and walked back to our little closet office. We were quiet. We were worried. We were in disbelief. I JUST GOT HIRED. I JUST started this job. She has been there already for the past few years. My brain went into preparation overload. What should I do? How could I leave? Never have I ever loved my career so passionately, until now. And my brain began to spin again, after the shock of the meeting was coming back down. It dawned on me, I was called to a room as a friend and left as a Bad Guy. If I chose to stay, I wouldn't be forgiven. Her friends would think differently of me. And I didn't even know if the principal wanted me there. That afternoon I had overheard her very loudly tell the other teacher, "I know, Glass has only been here a few weeks, I thought for sure it would be easy for her to say she'd go."
What in the actual heck??? I felt as though I was in a frenzy. I got contacts and called HR and the ECE Manager. They were the most helpful people I have ever talked with in JCPS (Jefferson County Public Schools.) They sensed my panic and they were so patient and understanding with me. They told me where openings were, and encouraged me to take my time on the decision and to try to breathe. Every time I considered being the one to leave, I felt sick to my stomach or like I would break down sobbing. In my heart, I thought I would stay. I thought I would kindly explain that I have earned my teaching seniority, I have been overstaffed before early in my career, and that I had done the work to be there at T.A.P.P. But my heart and mind and soul were in all different places.
The next night Asa asked as we got into bed, “What do you think you’re going to do?” and I lost It. My body started shaking, the tears flooded my face, I couldn’t breathe well, and eventually I passed out. I literally fell asleep sobbing. Between tears all I could muster was, “The girls!! The girls!” Morning came and I overslept. I must have hit snooze twenty times and when I finally crawled out of bed, I realized I hadn’t showered the night before, my head was splitting and I was going to end up late for work. I started crying AGAIN. I knew there was no way I could make it through a work day and I also knew I needed to pull it together. I called out and went back to bed, praying as I fell asleep for God’s wisdom and peace.
The day of my breakdown I had spoken with the HR gentleman who oversees all middle school openings. I had told him that I would really only consider leaving my placement IF there was somehow an opening at Barrett Middle School—it’s where we hope to send our son for middle school, and it’s the best in the district. “You won’t believe this,” he said. “But an opening literally just happened minutes ago for a split position with Barrett and Crosby Middle. It’s yours if you want it.” He reassured me no one else even knew that opening existed and to sleep on it. So I did. And on my mental health day, I just kept thinking over and over and over again that I couldn’t stay. As much as it killed me, I couldn’t do that to this other teacher. She is pregnant, has been there a while, and I knew I would be pretty judged if I decided she should be the one to go.
At 4pm Friday, I called HR again and told him I would take the job. I was immediately put in touch with the principals and admins at both schools, and in a crazy way, I felt peace wash over me. I couldn’t fathom not seeing the girls every single school day, but I started to feel as though God did all of this for a reason. I will say, things have since transpired and not really how I liked for them too. The ECE teacher quickly unfriended me on Facebook, she never had a conversation with me about my choice, and on the day I was leaving, neither Administrator said goodbye. Neither even checked in on me when I came to work Monday (and all week) with my head held high, and honestly, that bothers me. Overall, the whole situation is sad. I wasn’t ‘forced’ to leave or take the overstaff, but in the way that it was handled, not in private, I felt completely helpless. It would have been crappy for her to leave. Pregnant, new school, I get it. But my heart hurts, and it’s equally as crappy for me.
These girls have changed my life. In five short weeks, I have been completely humbled by them. The core group that I got so close to, they gave me so many hugs today and we exchanged phone numbers. I know that today wasn’t goodbye, it was more of a “I’ll see you soon.” I get to go to their baby showers, meet their babies, and heck, invite them to dinner! I am thankful the Lord allowed me to come to T.A.P.P. even though only for a short period of time. I feel like He’s always been so good about showing me who needs me the most (and who I equally need!) and I am trying to be hopeful that the same will be true of my new schools.
PS: have you ever seen a teen mom and thought about judging them? Maybe you scoffed under your breath or shook your head. These girls are warriors, Y’all. Keeping their babies alive and thriving, while many of THEM do not have have complete support or stability from their parents. These girls have dreams and are working on fulfilling them. They are loyal, resilient, and real. Next time you find yourself judging a young mom, judge yourself first.
