Is turning thirty a big deal? Well, I don't know. A week or so before my thirtieth birthday I texted my mom VERY late at night.
"Mom?" I said. "I think I'm freaking out about turning thirty."
"Why?" she said. "It's just a number."
There was more to it than that--she told me she loved thirty because that's the year she had ME (well ahem, of COURSE! haha!!) But I don't know, guys? Turning thirty just feels weird!
Leading up to my thirtieth birthday I posted a photo on Instagram that asked my friends who were in their 30's (or older) to comment what their favorite part of this decade has been and I wanted to share some of the responses:
- * I believe you will really begin to hone your craft. It’s the time to DO. 30’s are great.
- *You will love this decade! You will finally give yourself permission to love yourself as you are. You stop trying so hard and feeling so anxious about everything not being good enough... and then suddenly it IS good enough!
- *I love my confidence in my 30’s and also, the no BS. No time for that :)
I LOVED reading these and I believe every one of them to be true and things that I am looking forward to about this decade. Birthdays are a time of a lot of reflection for me (are they for you too?) so lately I've had a lot on my mind.
For instance, when I was recently in one of my riding lessons I had the strangest feeling. I had this memory of being TINY, [age, not size since not much as changed there height wise.....] leading this big giant lesson horse to the arena and over to the mounting block. I remember the very first lessons, the first jumps I took, the way that it felt to canter around a ring. And in many regards, nothing has changed, except for a number. But what feels so surreal is that those memories were decades and decades ago. Somehow, that ten-year-old girl is now thirty, and life just keeps flying by.
Do you know what I LOVE about turning thirty though? If you keep up with on Instagram or social media, you've totally seen that God granted me my biggest wish, my largest and most daring dream--my very own horse. He said, "Ashley, you doubted, and you doubted BIG. But I am going to give you a horse anyway. You are going to love him, learn from him, and get to ride him. His name is Paddy." A week before my birthday, Kathryn from the Horse Rescue in Nashville called me with the most exciting news: the horse I had met a couple weeks prior was still up for adoption, and she was offering him to ME.
So while I feel kind of weird about the fact I'm wearing more wrinkles these days than ever, I'm also super excited to see what else my Creator has in store for me in this coming decade. My twentieth year brought me my husband, it was literally when I said, "I do." And my thirtieth brought me a horse. Asa (my husband) and I were talking recently and he said, "You have to promise to love me more than you love Paddy." While he was joking, I know there was a little bit of seriousness in what he said. I wasn't the girl who prayed for a husband or kids; I didn't actually really plan or dream about any of that. But my entire childhood consisted of me scheming for a horse--I was the weirdo who led a giant tricycle around the backyard with a dog leash tied to it, pretending it was a horse. I wanted my mom to see it and for that to be proof that I could duh, ACTUALLY take care of a 2000 pound animal. Are you shocked that DIDN'T work?? Yeah, me too.
You know that I am so thankful Jesus gave me my husband. He is literally the glue that keeps my heart and soul together. And the fact that He also gave me two beautiful and healthy children? Pierson and Reese are my greatest and sweetest life accomplishments. But now I am also looking forward to *hopefully* growing old with Paddy; learning how he ticks, what he needs, and the two of us figuring each other out. I can't believe that I finally have my OWN horse that I can drive or walk to, to throw my arms around on a good or bad day, to kiss his nose and lay across his back. I'm looking forward to throwing a blanket in the pasture and reading a book beside him while he grazes. I can't wait to walk him and feed him and confide in him. And I ultimately cannot wait to bring along my family WITH me on this journey. When I look at Pierson and Reese, four and five years old, sometimes I want to laugh with delight that they are getting a horse in their lives at SUCH a young age! WHAT would childhood Ashley have done if that was me?! Oh my goodness, Y'all. Life is funny. Fleeting, beautiful, and funny.
I don't think thirty has to be scary, and I don't think that is the word I would use to describe how I was feeling leading up to this year. It just feels surreal that the twenties are OVER--poof! They've disappeared, vanished, are gone.
Going back to what friends commented on the photo I posted, I pray that this IS the decade that I will hone in on my nitch, my craft, my passions. Also that my confidence will increase and that I will really and truly leave all the BS for what it is: BS. I hope that this is the year (decade) of lessened anxiety; of loving and accepting myself for WHO I am, and what I am. For crying out loud, I want to say to myself--ALL of your dreams have come true, what now??
{Full disclosure: I am a constant dreamer so I believe there will always be dreams on top of dreams on top of dreams...for instance, how I am praying that we can buy land and build a house there someday sooner than later, so that I can have my horse (and more!) ON our property!! However, I won't get too carried away and I'll admit that my biggest current dream has been checked off the list.}
Here's my final thoughts leaving the twenties: "Something doesn’t have to be bad to be over. But maybe that season has given you everything it has to offer; it shaped and developed you, it stretched and inspired you. You’ve deeply incorporated its lasting values, and this place has been true to you and of you. Even then, you STILL have full permission to move forward or move on to something new, different, surprising, or risky." (Jen Hatmaker)
Cheers to thirty, Y'all! If you have any fun thirty stories, feel free to share them in the comments below!
