It's been a while since I've written for this series and having launched it in December, it seems surreal to somehow now be in the month of May! Loving and celebrating women is something that I am extremely passionate about, largely because I've realized that with social media especially, we {women} have a tendency to slip quietly behind the scenes and watch what everyone else is doing. We often feel not as important, or less than the world around us. That's why I started this series: The Beloved Woman. Because I want you to read the words of your sisters and know that even though you may not personally know these women, they are with you. They have been through so much of what you have; this is a place to share your voice. Here is where I want my friends and readers to know YOU. Where you are front and center, no longer behind the scenes. Here is where I want you to feel appreciated, noticed, deeply loved: beloved.

I am excited to share a dear friend of mine with you today, Allison Grubbs. I have known her amazing photographer husband, Billy, through word of mouth in Louisville and through Facebook. A while ago I decided that I also needed to know his wife. I had seen some of her posts because Billy would be tagged in them. I saw right away that she was such a strong woman, and that she had a story and testimony that needed to be shared. Allison, now 27, was diagnosed with endometriosis at the age of 22, and it is with such eagerness that I introduce you to this brave sister of mine.

A little bit about Allison:

"I am originally from Pennsylvania, but moved to Louisville KY at a young age. Now I live in a quirky 100+ year old home in the Highlands with my husband and our crazy Goldendoodle, Sunday. My husband, Billy Grubbs, is a film photographer and owner of State Film Lab. As for me, I have worked as a hairstylist for 8 years and I just completed my first year of nursing school at Spalding University. I’ll be spending my summer working as a Women’s Health Nurse Extern at Baptist Health Louisville. It’s been a long time coming (like seriously, I’ve been working on my Bachelor’s degree off and on for 6+ years!), but the plan is to graduate in June 2018 with a Bachelor’s in Science and Nursing degree. Upon graduation, I will be continuing on with Baptist Health as an RN, and the goal is to specialize in Women’s Health nursing.

I asked Allison, "When do feel the most beautiful?" I think this can be a challenging question for us ladies to answer, because we fear of coming across vain or narcissistic. But when I ask my sisters this, I mean feeling beautiful inside AND out. I love asking them to figure out when they feel beautiful, without necessarily a reason. It's not always when our hair and makeup is done or we are dressed all fancy for a date, and I loved her response. Allison said,

"I have come to learn that a person finds their true beauty when they are doing whatever it is that fills them up to their core. So at the risk of sounding complete cliché, I feel most beautiful when I am serving and taking care of others. This was instilled in me at a young age being that my grandmother and great aunt both had Limb Girdle Muscular Dystrophy. Taking care of someone is all that I have ever know, and it’s the one thing that comes to me so naturally. It’s the thing that fills me up to my core."

Allison has an incredibly humbling story about her journey with endometriosis, and she has such a heart for women and couples who struggle with this. I asked what her heart beats for; her biggest passions and dreams and she said:

"After being diagnosed with Endometriosis at the age of 22 and watching the disease strip me of my own fertility, one of my greatest passions in life is to educate and encourage other women who are silently suffering with diseases like endometriosis and infertility. Since our failed IVF treatment last March, I have been on a year long “break” from trying to conceive, and have been able to redirect my attention away from fertility to instead focus more on my nursing career. If I’m being honest, it has been so nice to step away from it all because it consumed my every thought for years. Of course, Billy and I long for a family. We can envision what our life would look like with a baby, and even though we have had 4 ½ years to process it, I’m sure we will still be totally unprepared, but our hearts will be so, so full."

In one of her recent Instagram posts, Allison shared a piece of heart with one of her miscarriages:

"04.25.17 marked 3 years since our first miscarriage.
This locket holds one out of the three mere moments in my life that my body has sustained a life other than my own. That pitiful little sprout that's barely hanging on is from a Forget-Me-Not seed that I planted in remembrance of that tiny soul that left all too quickly.
I can remember that day so vividly. Every painful contraction, every tear shed. It's a grief stricken memory that I never want to watch fade, because it's likely the most raw and pure emotion-filled moment I will live to see. But now I don't only look back and see my deep chest-caving-in sadness that I griped tightly onto for so long. Instead I see a messy start to a beautifully knitted testimony, one that God intricately pieced together, specifically for me. So for you my little one, I am endlessly thankful."

I have not personally gone through anything like what Allison and Billy have endured, however I am sure many of you reading this have, or know someone who has. I asked her what she would like to encourage you with and she replied:

"I would tell them that they are not alone in their sufferings. Infertility is the loneliest of places, and it’s so incredibly easy to get wrapped up in your own sadness. You have to sit back and watch everyone around you get what you have been fighting like hell for. You become desperate, frustrated, obsessive, bitter, jealous, and just plain sad. These emotions are completely normal, you have to grieve the fact that you may never be able to conceive the baby that you have spent years longing for, the one who has mommy’s eyes and daddy’s nose. So take time to throw yourself a little pity party, replenish those empty spaces, and move on knowing that God is working tirelessly during your waiting. Let your struggles drive and motivate you, and empower other women to do the same by being brave enough to share your story, and do this utterly unashamed. Stick with it so that you have a story to tell, one about how you managed to overcome your adversities, and how somewhere in between the spaces, you found your full potential to be the beautifully strong woman that God intricately designed you to be."

On Father's Day of last year, Allison had shared this little blurb about Billy, and it just absolutely made me tear up thinking of my own husband, who is a dad of two littles. The strength in her words, and the faith that she holds for her Creator is just really humbling. I'd like to think that I would be as faithful and trusting as she is, and at the same time, I'm a little ashamed to think that I might not be.

"Celebrating this guy on Father's Day and every day! He is beyond supportive in every aspect of my life. He has been there since the beginning...from my endometriosis diagnosis, multiple surgeries and scares, negative tests month after month, heartbreak when we lost our babies, each painful injection for IVF, and the list goes on. He continues to be strong and encouraging for us, and our future family. I am not in this journey alone...he goes through the motions of infertility just like me, and stands tall by my side. Some of the most special fathers are the ones who have to endure losing their babies before they ever get to meet them. He is, and will be, the best father in the world..."

Sisters and friends, wherever you are reading from, please know that I appreciate you. The love and support you've given towards this blog and my writing, this series, and my work--I am so grateful. If you would like to follow along with Allison's journey, you can find her Instagram account here. She and Billy are in continuous prayer, and I know YOUR prayers and encouragement would mean the world to them.

Please take a few seconds to comment below and give Allison some love! This woman holds so much love in her heart for SO many people, I really am blessed to know and call her friend.

be.loved:
dearly loved, a much loved person

In an interview once, a woman asked me, "What do you wish you could tell childhood Ashley?" It was a question that really stumped me. I felt flustered and nervous and like I could probably tell little kid Ashley a million different helpful things, but spilling out of my mouth was this:

"I would tell her to live loved."

Not a very common phrase, it's one that I discovered in Lysa TerKeurst's book Uninvited a few months ago. Both her and Lara Casey have written about it, seeking to empower women to live their lives knowing and embracing that they are loved. WE, are loved. You. And me. By so many different souls--Our Creator, who knew the hairs on our heads before we were born, and beyond; to the husbands we are wives to, the children we are mothers to, the brothers and sisters, the parents we were born to, and the friends that we cling to. But knowing that we are loved, and actually believing it, are two separate things. I know that I am loved by my husband. I know that my kids adore me and beg each night for it to be my turn to put them each down. I know my parents love me, my brothers, my friends. But do I believe this to my core, to the point that I don't doubt my beloved strengths? I'm afraid not. And I am guessing you may need some help here too.

Sisters, you are beloved. And I feel like it is my mission to help you believe this truth. I want to know you better, to encourage you, to wrap my arms around you, to challenge you to think deeper about yourselves; so that in turn, soon, YOU will feel the love. It is my great honor to kick off this series with my friend Jenna. She is a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend to SO many. This lady loves and dreams BIG.

A little background, and in her words:

"I met my husband about twelve and a half years ago while working at American Eagle, which is hilarious to anyone who knows us now; we are definitely not an American Eagle couple, ha. We just celebrated ten years of marriage in November. In those ten years, we've owned two houses. The first, a small 1-bedroom shotgun that was renovated. It was on a double lot and allowed me to grow food and raise chickens. It was a great little place. Then, when our daughter Darcy was about a year old, we bought our second home, which is a major fixer upper! We only live in half our house, have no kitchen, so yes, definitely a fixer upper! My husband does most of the work himself, so it's taking some time, but it's going to be absolutely worth it in the end. In addition to our daughter Darcy, we have Jake, our 6-year old Australian Shepherd who is our best bud, two cats, and five chickens.

Bryon has always let me be ME, and he is my best encourager, giving me confidence, love, and security. We have enjoyed a lot of outdoor adventures together and continue to do so with Darcy. She enjoys hiking and camping just as much as we do, which has been awesome to witness. I honestly wasn't sure I ever wanted kids, but God decided differently. Even though I was a little freaked out when I found out I was pregnant, I quickly realized after she was born, that of course God knew what He was doing! He gave us the most perfect addition to our family. Darcy fits us completely and has fallen right in step with everything we love to do. Having her around has made us look at life with such a sweet + simple perspective. I am so thankful at how God has so perfectly orchestrated our little family. I'm also thankful for the way Bryon and I have been able to approach life and all of it's surprises, good or bad. We have fairly laid back attitudes, aren't big planners, and I wouldn't change it. We rely on God and go with the flow of life; taking all of it and releasing it to Him. It's a wonderful life and I'm excited to live it!"

When asked, "What has been the most beautiful moment in your life?" Jenna responded:

"My MOST beautiful moment was the labor + birth of my daughter. I have never felt so raw and vulnerable. During labor, I felt helpless and weak, as I screamed for someone to help me. I also felt completely primal as I stripped off my clothes and screamed wildly, not giving a care in the world who saw or heard me. The bonding that happened by having my husband + my doula by my side, couching and encouraging me, it is indescribable. When it was over and I was holding this perfect little human...the memory of the whole experience rushed over me. I thought of all I had just gone through and felt more accomplished, more empowered, more confident...than ever before. What an incredibly miraculous thing it was to feel like my weakest + most raw and vulnerable moment, is now actually the most beautiful."

I wanted to know what the word 'beautiful' meant to Jenna, because as women, this word varies so vastly.

"Being beautiful, to ME, is to be in a place where you are able to humbly accept yourself at ANY moment, freeing yourself to live without hesitation. IN this place, there is strength in the ability to be honest about WHO you are, not trying to be what the rest of present society + social media may be; and freedom from passing judgements and holding prejudices, allowing you to be open to those you encounter. To me, this seems like such a raw approach to life, free from self-obsessing and worry, but instead being full of love and openness. How beautiful is that?!"

I asked her, "When do you feel the most beautiful?" and I just love her response:

"I feel most beautiful when I'm climbing. It humbles me every time, forcing me to accept my weaknesses and my strengths. It brings an awareness to my mind and body like nothing else. I feel raw + vulnerable, strong and weak, graceful and awkward, confident and defeated. In all of these things is where I find beauty: allowing myself to feel ALL of it, and embracing each moment, but never dwelling on any."

It's always interesting to hear what other women feel like their hearts beat for. I find it incredible that we are very similar in so many ways, yet also vastly unique in our differences. Here are a few of her biggest dreams:

"To one day live on a hobby farm, spend some time traveling out west, and to have our house completely finished in the next year or two." She then wrapped up my series of questions with this:

"Really and truly, when asked what I tick for, what drives me, well, my heart beats for life. I enjoy life and the people in it. I feel secure where I am, and that makes me ecstatic to keep on going. I love to hike, backpack, camp, climb, garden, and homesteading--all of these are things that help me better enjoy the day to day. But I truly believe that everything begins with Jesus; I lay everything on my Creator, so I am free from crippling worry, anger, jealousy, and self-doubt. It's simple + yet wonderful."

And Ladies! This wraps up my first Beloved Woman post, and I so hope that you enjoyed reading + getting to know Jenna. There is strength in numbers, and I really believe that if we can all believe the phrase, 'community over competition,' along with, 'I am beloved by many,' our lives can be changed. Do you have a woman in mind whose story needs to be shared? PLEASE e-mail me. Feel free to nominate as many as you'd like. My dream for 2017 is that I meet so many of you, from all over the world!

You are beautiful, brave, strong, and worthy. And you are LOVED by so many.

Thank you for reading! Please, spread this series, and give Jenna some love in the comments below! xox