Worthy of Love and Belonging

I have several authors who I feel as though should be my soul sister, and Brene Brown is definitely at the top.  One of her quotes is one that I will forever want to write in lipstick on my mirror: "You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." Let me just repeat the end of that sentence again: 

you are worthy of love and belonging. 

Say it aloud. How does it feel coming out of your mouth? Does it feel foreign or strange? Did you mumble it, or say it with pride? Over the last several years I have felt the Lord molding me into a new woman. I really do give thanks to some incredible writers such as Shauna Neiquiest in her book Present Over Perfect, Lysa TerKuerst in Uninvited, and Brene Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection. All of these women have taught me through their words that love, acceptance, security, worthiness--are not solely from people...

all of that and more can be found in the arms of our Creator.

Do you remember being an insecure child? Maybe girls picked on you or made fun of your clothes. Maybe you struggled to make good grades or establish meaningful friendships. Perhaps you were beautiful, perhaps school was easy. Were you good at making friendships with girls but not boys? Did you get along with your teachers? I was great at volleyball and terrible at basketball, hello 5 foot nothingness. So much of what we experienced shapes our understanding of our value, our self worth. At some point we realized exactly how much our lives meant to our families, our friends, and ourselves. What worth did you assign yourself? Have you even really consciously considered your own value? I often wish I could go back to 18 year old Ashley, buy her a cup of coffee, look her in the eyes and say, 

"You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging."

and then I'd sit with her to have a good healing cry.

Sisters, our inability to grasp worthiness and grace starts so early. At some point we started selling ourselves short. At some point, we started believing we were not enough. Romans 3:23-24 says, "For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and ALL are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." There is something about the phrases "fall short" and "justified freely" that have always convicted me. How can I fall short, yet receive nothing but grace from the One who created me? 

Another favorite author, Timothy Keller, said in his book  The Meaning of Marriage, "...When Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn't think "I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me." No, he was in agony, and he looked down at us - denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him - and in the greatest act of love in history, he STAYED. He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. The value you feel you earned through a lifetime of experiences pales in comparison to the value that Christ sees in you. He valued you enough to give up His throne in Heaven. To give up his morning coffee with God, His Father. To come to our insecure world, and find His way through it to the cross. 

If the Creator of all things thinks that YOU are valuable enough to die for, what is stealing your worthiness?

Pause. 

I REALLY want you to think about what is stealing your worthiness. What has robbed you of embracing and believing that YOU are enough?

For me, it was being told that I had monkey ears in the fifth grade. Oh I know, that sounds so silly, and in reality, it was. But when the beautiful popular girl makes you, the new girl, feel less than, it sticks. And I refused to wear my hair up for years to come to hide my monkey ears. As an adult, a woman I considered a best friend, blatantly admitted that she wasn't sure she was up for being friends with "Mom Ashley." In both instances, as small or large they may be, made me question my value--my worth. 

At what point do you wish you could go back? Maybe it's eighteen-year-old you, maybe it is younger, or heck, maybe it is current. At what point do you need to be reminded that you are imperfect? You ARE wired for struggle. Was there a girl who made fun of you on the playground? Was there a heartbreaking #metoo moment? You are worthy of love and belonging. The reality is, some of the things we have allowed to shape our self-worth are small and trivial; hello, monkey ears. And some of the things as women we have experienced, have truly affected how we view ourselves, and perhaps forever will. 

Let's remind ourselves though, of our worth. 

Do you remember how you felt in your mother's arms? And how beautiful you felt on your first date? How proud were you to do well on tests? Or laughing with your best friend in high school, until your sides hurt. Getting accepted to college. Picking your first apartment. Buying your first pet. Balancing your budget. Paying off debt. Going after your dreams. YOU ARE WORTHY! You are strong. No one can take away that you are so unconditionally loved and awesome that God himself CHOSE YOU! My favorite part of that very powerful truth is this, He CHOSE ME, long before I chose him. His love, makes me lovely. 

Sisters, to paraphrase Pauls's letter to Colossians "Focus your heart on God and Jesus. Set your minds on his goodness, not earthly pain. For you are hidden within Christ, HE is your life and shares HIS glory with YOU! Which means, you are God's CHOSEN child, holy and dearly loved." (Col. 3) 

If ever I am able to buy you a cup of coffee and look you in the eye to say, " You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging," let that moment be now. 

You are valuable. 
You are loved. 
You are WORTHY.

**This post was written to be used as an article in the second volume of The Bud Co's magazine: Sew and Dew. I highly recommend checking out this Christian magazine, geared to loving and serving women. You can get 20% off your copy when you use the code: ASHLEYSBUDS
Their second volume is 'Worthy' and just $25 (or $20 if you use my code!) Get your copy today here.**

beloved allison

It's been a while since I've written for this series and having launched it in December, it seems surreal to somehow now be in the month of May! Loving and celebrating women is something that I am extremely passionate about, largely because I've realized that with social media especially, we {women} have a tendency to slip quietly behind the scenes and watch what everyone else is doing. We often feel not as important, or less than the world around us. That's why I started this series: The Beloved Woman. Because I want you to read the words of your sisters and know that even though you may not personally know these women, they are with you. They have been through so much of what you have; this is a place to share your voice. Here is where I want my friends and readers to know YOU. Where you are front and center, no longer behind the scenes. Here is where I want you to feel appreciated, noticed, deeply loved: beloved.

I am excited to share a dear friend of mine with you today, Allison Grubbs. I have known her amazing photographer husband, Billy, through word of mouth in Louisville and through Facebook. A while ago I decided that I also needed to know his wife. I had seen some of her posts because Billy would be tagged in them. I saw right away that she was such a strong woman, and that she had a story and testimony that needed to be shared. Allison, now 27, was diagnosed with endometriosis at the age of 22, and it is with such eagerness that I introduce you to this brave sister of mine. 

A little bit about Allison: 

"I am originally from Pennsylvania, but moved to Louisville KY at a young age. Now I live in a quirky 100+ year old home in the Highlands with my husband and our crazy Goldendoodle, Sunday. My husband, Billy Grubbs, is a film photographer and owner of State Film Lab. As for me, I have worked as a hairstylist for 8 years and I just completed my first year of nursing school at Spalding University. I’ll be spending my summer working as a Women’s Health Nurse Extern at Baptist Health Louisville. It’s been a long time coming (like seriously, I’ve been working on my Bachelor’s degree off and on for 6+ years!), but the plan is to graduate in June 2018 with a Bachelor’s in Science and Nursing degree. Upon graduation, I will be continuing on with Baptist Health as an RN, and the goal is to specialize in Women’s Health nursing.

I asked Allison, "When do feel the most beautiful?" I think this can be a challenging question for us ladies to answer, because we fear of coming across vain or narcissistic. But when I ask my sisters this, I mean feeling beautiful inside AND out. I love asking them to figure out when they feel beautiful, without necessarily a reason. It's not always when our hair and makeup is done or we are dressed all fancy for a date, and I loved her response. Allison said,  

"I have come to learn that a person finds their true beauty when they are doing whatever it is that fills them up to their core. So at the risk of sounding complete cliché, I feel most beautiful when I am serving and taking care of others. This was instilled in me at a young age being that my grandmother and great aunt both had Limb Girdle Muscular Dystrophy. Taking care of someone is all that I have ever know, and it’s the one thing that comes to me so naturally. It’s the thing that fills me up to my core."

Allison has an incredibly humbling story about her journey with endometriosis, and she has such a heart for women and couples who struggle with this. I asked what her heart beats for; her biggest passions and dreams and she said:

"After being diagnosed with Endometriosis at the age of 22 and watching the disease strip me of my own fertility, one of my greatest passions in life is to educate and encourage other women who are silently suffering with diseases like endometriosis and infertility. Since our failed IVF treatment last March, I have been on a year long “break” from trying to conceive, and have been able to redirect my attention away from fertility to instead focus more on my nursing career. If I’m being honest, it has been so nice to step away from it all because it consumed my every thought for years. Of course, Billy and I long for a family. We can envision what our life would look like with a baby, and even though we have had 4 ½ years to process it, I’m sure we will still be totally unprepared, but our hearts will be so, so full."

In one of her recent Instagram posts, Allison shared a piece of heart with one of her miscarriages: 

"04.25.17 marked 3 years since our first miscarriage. 
This locket holds one out of the three mere moments in my life that my body has sustained a life other than my own. That pitiful little sprout that's barely hanging on is from a Forget-Me-Not seed that I planted in remembrance of that tiny soul that left all too quickly. 
I can remember that day so vividly. Every painful contraction, every tear shed. It's a grief stricken memory that I never want to watch fade, because it's likely the most raw and pure emotion-filled moment I will live to see. But now I don't only look back and see my deep chest-caving-in sadness that I griped tightly onto for so long. Instead I see a messy start to a beautifully knitted testimony, one that God intricately pieced together, specifically for me. So for you my little one, I am endlessly thankful."

I have not personally gone through anything like what Allison and Billy have endured, however I am sure many of you reading this have, or know someone who has. I asked her what she would like to encourage you with and she replied: 

"I would tell them that they are not alone in their sufferings. Infertility is the loneliest of places, and it’s so incredibly easy to get wrapped up in your own sadness. You have to sit back and watch everyone around you get what you have been fighting like hell for. You become desperate, frustrated, obsessive, bitter, jealous, and just plain sad. These emotions are completely normal, you have to grieve the fact that you may never be able to conceive the baby that you have spent years longing for, the one who has mommy’s eyes and daddy’s nose. So take time to throw yourself a little pity party, replenish those empty spaces, and move on knowing that God is working tirelessly during your waiting. Let your struggles drive and motivate you, and empower other women to do the same by being brave enough to share your story, and do this utterly unashamed. Stick with it so that you have a story to tell, one about how you managed to overcome your adversities, and how somewhere in between the spaces, you found your full potential to be the beautifully strong woman that God intricately designed you to be."

On Father's Day of last year, Allison had shared this little blurb about Billy, and it just absolutely made me tear up thinking of my own husband, who is a dad of two littles. The strength in her words, and the faith that she holds for her Creator is just really humbling. I'd like to think that I would be as faithful and trusting as she is, and at the same time, I'm a little ashamed to think that I might not be.

"Celebrating this guy on Father's Day and every day! He is beyond supportive in every aspect of my life. He has been there since the beginning...from my endometriosis diagnosis, multiple surgeries and scares, negative tests month after month, heartbreak when we lost our babies, each painful injection for IVF, and the list goes on. He continues to be strong and encouraging for us, and our future family. I am not in this journey alone...he goes through the motions of infertility just like me, and stands tall by my side. Some of the most special fathers are the ones who have to endure losing their babies before they ever get to meet them. He is, and will be, the best father in the world..." 

Sisters and friends, wherever you are reading from, please know that I appreciate you. The love and support you've given towards this blog and my writing, this series, and my work--I am so grateful. If you would like to follow along with Allison's journey, you can find her Instagram account here. She and Billy are in continuous prayer, and I know YOUR prayers and encouragement would mean the world to them. 

Please take a few seconds to comment below and give Allison some love! This woman holds so much love in her heart for SO many people, I really am blessed to know and call her friend. 

beloved lisa

Some of you are going to be coming to this post wondering, 'what is the beloved woman series?' So before we dive in, let me tell you a little about it.

In an interview once, a woman asked me, "What do you wish you could tell childhood Ashley?" It was a question that really stumped me. I felt flustered and nervous and like I could probably tell little kid Ashley a million different helpful things, but spilling out of my mouth was this:

"I would tell her to live loved."

Not a very common phrase, it's one that I discovered in Lysa TerKeurst's book Uninvited a few months ago. Both her and Lara Casey have written about it, seeking to empower women to live their lives knowing and embracing that they are loved. WE, are loved. You. And me. By so many different souls--Our Creator, who knew the hairs on our heads before we were born, and beyond; to the husbands we are wives to, the children we are mothers to, the brothers and sisters, the parents we were born to, and the friends that we cling to. But knowing that we are loved, and actually believing it, are two separate things. I know that I am loved by my husband. I know that my kids adore me and beg each night for it to be my turn to put them each down. I know my parents love me, my brothers, my friends. But do I believe this to my core, to the point that I don't doubt my beloved strengths? I'm afraid not. And I am guessing you may need some help here too.

Sisters, you are beloved. And I long to help you believe this truth. I want to know you better, to encourage you, to wrap my arms around you, to challenge you to think deeper about yourselves; so that in turn, soon, YOU will feel the love. It is my great honor to introduce you to this month's beloved lady: Lisa Diederich. She is an artist, a creative, a photographer, traveler, daughter, fiance, and a beautiful friend to SO many. This lady dreams BIG, and I'm so excited for you to see a glimpse of her story.

I have been a big fan of Lisa through social media and really, her photography, for a long time. She has always been a woman that I thought, "Gosh I'd love to meet her!" as I scrolled through her gorgeous photos. When I learned that she didn't actually live far from me, I reached out to her. I'm incredibly thankful that she was willing to let me spend a morning with her, drinking two delicious cups of coffee, cuddling her dog Toby, and chatting on her crazy comfortable couch. It's always fun when you meet someone and instantly just feel at home.

I asked her to share a bit of her background with y'all, where she's from and what life looks like, and here's what she said:
Hi Ashley! Thank you so much for including me on your amazing blog. I'm so excited to follow along with you and other women on this platform! As for me, I'm a professional photographer and just moved to Nashville, TN. I grew up in Indiana and then moved to Sydney, Australia where I lived for 5 years with my fiancé, Sam. I also started my photography business there and I have been photographing weddings, families, brands and campaigns all over the world since then. 

She told me about some of her travels and what living in Australia looked like and I just stood in awe. As a dreamer of photographing weddings in bad ass locations like the ones she has, I know that I have a lot to learn from women [and artists] like Lisa!

"If you could sit in an empty room, with 1 other chair, and have a cup of coffee with 18 year old Lisa, what is something you wish you could tell her?" I asked.

Anything worth doing is going to be difficult.

 I couldn't agree with that more, friends. It hasn't been the easy things in my life that have been the most meaningful, the most valued. And something that I have realized personally as a photographer and woman period, is that we are so hard on ourselves. We are crazy talented, have so many unique strengths, we are beautiful, but yet, we struggle sometimes, don't we? So I proceeded...

"Sometimes loving ourselves as women can be difficult. Is there anything you struggle with that you wish you could help other women know and believe about themselves? 

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with creative work. I feel so fulfilled by photography and I'm really proud of my business and work. But I know that I can't just settle there forever! I have to push myself to be better - to critique my work, challenge my own decisions and learn new things. Stepping out of that creative comfort zone and risking failure can be scary and sometimes disheartening. But in the end, that's what makes me grow as a person and a photographer.

These days, incredible talent and inspiring people surround us. It's an amazing motivator, but it can also be crippling when you compare yourself to others. I think it's something we all struggle with (especially in this world of social media) but I try to see comparison and competition as friendly fuel. Some days it's easier than others, but it's always the goal.

"Is there anything you'd want to share about a piece of childhood that shaped you into the woman you are today? As a photographer, what inspired this?"

I was a competitive gymnast from the age of six until I was 18 (and I also did four sports in High School). It was completely crazy, but I loved it! That was such a huge part of my life growing up and I can see so many ways it influenced me. I'm self-motivated; super goal-oriented and I love a challenge. But I'm also a perfectionist and fiercely competitive. It's a blessing and a curse J

I love hearing the things that excite others! The joys and dreams that make them bubble over with excitement. Lisa and I talked about this some and she shared that she feels most thrilled over change and challenge.

 I feel excited and most alive when I’m dreaming of my next adventure. Whether that’s in my business, my travels or my personal life, it’s thrilling to think of what’s next! When I moved to Sydney, it was a scary, but exciting change. I left my friends and family and comforts behind and moved overseas with just two suitcases. For a moment, it felt like I was giving everything up, but I was really gaining so much more. I found a true partner in Sam, joined a second family, met some of my now closest friends and changed my life forever. I’ve carried that lesson with me and try to collect people, passions and experiences as I go through life.

"When do you feel the most loved and/or most beautiful?" I wanted to know. Because really, sisters, this is usually something we really have to think about. I don't mean surface beauty, but hey, if you really love your eyes or legs or arms, there's no shame in celebrating that! I want to know when you as women feel and really TRUST that you are both loved and beautiful. Lisa's response was really wonderful:

I feel so loved by my family and friends. They are endlessly supportive of me - whether I'm moving 9,000 miles away to another country or starting my own photography business, they have always had unwavering faith in me and encouraged me to follow my dreams every step of the way. I don't think I've ever thought about being 'beautiful'...it just doesn't cross my mind! But I often think about being happy and fulfilled. Sometimes it's during a shoot or a wedding; when the light is perfect and I'm completely in the zone - capturing those pure moments of joy & emotion. At other times, it's just being curled up on the couch with my fiancé, our dog and a movie. 

If you haven't yet checked out Lisa via Instagram or her website, I really think you need to. Her sense of style and design completely inspires me, and she's a gal worth knowing for sure. If there was something inspirational in this post, comment below and give Lisa some love, would you?

And friends, I really want this series to spread. I mean REALLY spread. Empowering women is something I am so passionate about; celebrating the diverse and beautifully unique ladies around us. I wish I could feature hundreds of you! Feel free to nominate your own Beloved Woman by e-mailing me or through the contact here on my website. Who do you look up to? Whose story do you want the world to see and hear?

As always, thank you for reading! Whether you stopped by because you saw it on Instagram or other social media, or you just happened to land here, I'm so grateful! I hope you'll stay a while and know that YOU are BELOVED!

The Dishes Can Wait: Let's Talk

What is ONE thing you need to hear from someone today? I mean seriously. Stop what you're doing for a second (well, keep reading...) and just think. How would you feel if someone checked in with you like this:

I'm proud of you. 
How are you doing today? 
You are so beautiful. 
Thanks for being so great. 
Do you need a hug? 
Hey, do you want to go see a movie? 
Let's grab dinner. 
You are so incredibly strong. 
I just love you!

As I've gotten older, I can't believe what a 'words of affirmation' gal I've turned into. Yesterday I scaled a rock climbing wall.. When I entered that gymnasium and looked all the way to the top, I didn't think for a SECOND it would be me ringing the bell at the very TOP. But when I heard my husband cheering from below, I heard him say, "Reese is going to be SO proud of you, Ash! Ring the bell!" I looked to my right and saw the next rock. I took a slow and deep breath, and I reached so high for that glorious bell. DING, DING, DING!!!! High fives and hugs greeted me at the bottom, my friend Liz (aka BEST workout buddy) beamed with excitement. I mean encouragement, y'all--isn't it great?! 

I think most days we just move through our routines. We go to school or work, put our kids on the bus or send them off to the sitter; some of us are homeschooling our preschoolers--making breakfasts and lunches and ordering toys and rooms to be cleaned up, and naps to be had. Our husbands come home and we are tired; hair untouched, teeth lucky to be brushed. The pets have been cared for, house is put together, kids are still alive, but it's now what we moms like to call witching hour; and we are TIRED. We check Instagram and scroll, scroll, scroll. Maybe we throw in a double tap for a 'like' if it's a photo that spoke to us. We check Facebook; scroll, scroll, scroll. Sometimes we comment when something is funny or there's a cute photo we like. We'll like each other's statuses all day long, but often we forget to text our husbands, "Hey Babe, I am proud of you. Thanks for loving me." We forget to call or message our family and ask, "How are you doing? Is there anything you need this week?" To check in with our friends, "Is there a time that would work in the next couple of weeks to get together? Let's get dinner and catch up. In the mean time, how can I pray for you?" 

We are busy creatures, somewhat stir crazy in our souls. The days can be hectic and the nights long. We have babies and young children who don't yet know the importance of a GOOD nights sleep, and the thoughts that rattle through our minds when our feet need to hit the floor to start all over; well, they aren't always the most pleasant. I wrote a post a while back about finding God in the crazy--to seek Him first and to pray more often. To speak to HIM, more often. I think I've improved greatly with this, but Lordy how there's room to grow. And thinking outside of that, of the prayers that need to be had, the more scripture that YES, I do need to read...is ensuring that we as a community are caring for one another. 

Who haven't you reached out to in a while? What face pops into your mind as your read this and you think, 'hey...I wonder how ______ is doing.' Don't just wonder, find out. I swear I probably have 10-15 women pop into my head all day long. Heck, as I sit here writing it's like boom, boom, boom!!! Name after name, just flying through my tired mind! My pregnant hair dresser, Michelle, seriously, so many prayers are said for you. Same for my preggo girlfriend Britney! My sister in laws, my brother, my DAD, women from our old church... I mean really, the list could go on! I don't think we are all destined to be best friends with one another and I don't think that's ever the expectation within friendships. But I think we could do better at staying in touch with the women and friends that we love. Stephanie who came to dinner, I loved you! I'm SO glad that you're 28 and we have that in common and that you love dogs and animals as much as I do. Chelcey who does my web design and helps me form emails and newsletters and is my soundboard for life in GENERAL. Peg, my childhood best friend who I dream about living closer to, with your two boys and husband; laughing with you is quite possibly the best thing EVER. Lisa who lives in Boston, who spent a season living in Kentucky WITH me. Jerrica, who is quite possibly my earthly angel, you're my everything!! 

No, I won't list every single person that I love here in this space, because there's just too many of you and my mind is too fuzzy for that anyway. But I wanted to just throw this out there, that you, whoever you are and wherever you may be, I bet it really means a lot when you hear someone tell you that they are proud of you. It feels GOOD to feel strong and beautiful, radiant and loved. 

Can I encourage you today to think about the top three people that keep popping into your head? Outside perhaps from the regular people you talk to on a consistent basis (aka my husband and my mom hear from me 300 times a day...) Who are those people?  Ask them how they are. What about them makes you proud? What do they do well that they would love to hear from YOU? And then keep going about your day! The clothes to be washed, dishes to cleaned, tables to be wiped off, prayers to be said, books to be read, kids to be tucked in...it's all still waiting for you. I even bet that somewhere along the way, you'll feel more energized and recharged to DO those things, BECAUSE you took the time to brighten someone else's day. Those dishes can wait, for all of 2.1 seconds, am I right? Let's love the heck out of each other because frankly, we're worth it.