True Beauty

I was recently asked a question that I have since, pondered a lot: "If you could give your daughter one beauty tip, what would it be?"

Well, before I could answer this, I had to first decide, what IS beauty? The answer ranges so diversely for all of us. And with social media so prevalent, we have the ability to control how we want ourselves to be portrayed. What you think is beautiful, I might not. But I think even in our differences, we can come to a common ground: beauty is the heart. What's your day-to-day look like? Do you love others well? Do you treat those around you with love and respect? What is your heart thinking? If there was a way we could see it outside your chest, what are the types of things it would be filled with? Jealousy, anger, resentment, conceit, lust, selfishness, pride... I think we all agree that those are not beautiful characteristics. 

So then, what do I want to teach my children about beauty? I have two toddlers and I want to teach them both very similar things, but I have to say that there is definitely more of an emphasis on how my daughter will learn this concept and that she will learn much of it from me. This makes sense, not because my husband is absent or hands-off (he is such the opposite of that!) but because every single day she watches me very intently. At two-and-a-half, she watches me put on makeup and mimics everything I do. She uses the powder brush across her cheeks, she pretends to put on mascara and to straighten or curl her hair. She is observing every single thing I do to get ready. As she grows older, my intent is to teach her that beauty is not the products she puts on--these things are okay; clearly, I enjoy wearing makeup, but they do not define her. I want her to find beauty in her strength, her laughter, her joy, her adventurous soul. Because if at the end of the day, she grows up and only thinks she is beautiful by the worlds' definition, I have failed.

I want my daughter to know that over the years, she will endure many changes. Whether she has children of her own or not, her body will go through so many transformations. She never knew the Ashley before babies. She doesn't yet notice my stretch marks, nor does she know that they are a part of me that didn't used to be. Will she fear marks of her own? Or will she see that her mom can love herself in spite of them, so she then can too...At two-and-a-half, she doesn't see fault. She doesn't know about numbers on a scale and she isn't yet insecure how clothes fit. As she grows, I want to help her embrace the fact that though her opinion of those things may change, her heart holds the most beauty.

As a toddler, her heart is so sweet. She is sensitive and right now, has many fears that she is working bravely to overcome (like her paranoia of bugs!) She has a servant's heart, replying with, "Sure!" and "Okay!" when asked to do a chore. She has the desire to make people happy, to love us and her brother well. She adores to be held and to cuddle- last night as we rocked, she stroked the sides of my cheek so softly as I sang her nightly lullaby. What will her heart be when she is five? What will she be as a teenager? Outward beauty is subjective; the texture of our skin, it changes. Some of us get stretch marks, others don't. The composure of our hair, that changes too. Our body types--all so different, so unique. But our inward beauty, I pray that still shines. I hope that even when she questions the body she is given, that she will thank her Creator for giving her such a beautiful and strong heart and soul.

It is no small task, raising a daughter. She will forever look to me, with her inquisitive hazel eyes; and when she does, I pray she sees a woman who encouraged her to pursue her passion, who helped her use her voice in times of weakness and who loved the heck out of her every step of the way. My one beauty tip that I give to my daughter then, is to start with simply seeking a beautiful heart.

In the Trenches With a Threenager

What in the blue blazin' does everyone mean when they say "The terrible two's are the hardest!"?!  Two, with both of my kids, was magical. I remember Pierson was beginning to verbalize his needs and wants so expressively, he began vocalizing his deep love for Mimi and Pa Pa and Uncle Nate in Michigan. He was friendly, sweet, obedient and our biggest challenge was trying to convince him that pooping on the potty didn't need to be terrifying. And here is Reese, a full time 'mommy' with her baby dolls, enthusiastic, hilarious and also SO obedient. Pierson wasn't yet trying to boss his little sis around when he was two, he wasn't overly whiney, his temper tantrums were just so so--life just wasn't all that hard.

Yet.

Enter three and a half.

When toys became boring. Nothing kept his attention. We told him no, and life as he knew it was over. Reese wasn't allowed to stare at him the 'wrong' way. He wanted to be alone, yet he didn't know how to be. He would go from mid- happy conversation to flat-out sobbing, hysterically. Giant tears flowed from his big brown doe eyes multiple times a day. Food became yucky. How dare us serve him Mac n' Cheese, his once favorite dish! Ice water instead of sprite? Oh no we DIDN'T!

Life. It just got hard. The trenches were deep and I wasn't sure that I would be able to climb my way out. Who was this kid? Where did my sweet baby boy GO? Was this going to be our life from now on? Were we going to permanently have a whiney, argumentative, moody child? There were too many days I got home from teaching (mind you, where I re-direct, repeat myself, and teach other children how to love and be respectful ALL day long), that I just felt like crying myself.

One in particular stands out to me:  I asked him and Reese to please sit on the couch on opposite ends and wait for me to look for the paint supplies he had been crying for. They had been trying to kill each other the moment I walked in the door, fighting for my undivided attention, wanting snack and after snack, and my heart was so tired after a strenuous day in the classroom. Neither child would obey me and finally, the last straw broke. I had sprinted to the basement to frantically find the paint things we hadn't used in months--

Reese! Don't DO that!!!!

Pitter patter, pitter patter...

Blood curdling SCREAM

"What?!?" I sprinted back UP the stairs. "Manny SCRATCHED me!" he wailed.
"Well if you hadn't gotten OFF the couch and angrily sprinted past Manny, he wouldn't have swatted at you!!" I angrily replied.

I could feel my blood beginning to boil. I was livid that Pierson disobediently got off the couch to tattle on his sister. I was mad at our moody cat for swatting at my son. I was so defeated that every day was becoming a battle for me to simply just survive. My toddler was winning and I, I was failing.

"GO to time-out." I said. But it wasn't to them; I was the one needing it. I sat myself in the yellow time-out chair and as tears started to roll down my face I counted to ten, like I instruct them to do. Slowly, I got up from the chair and walked into the living room, where both children were sitting on opposite ends of the couch. I sat between them and asked for forgiveness as I had lost my temper. I said a quick prayer out loud and asked for more strength, to give us joy this afternoon and to please help me learn how to deal with this new stage of life.

The ditch remained deep for quite some time. My husband suggested I take Pierson on a date, just the two of us, because I needed to learn how to love him again. It wasn't that I didn't adore my child, but wait... it kind of was. I didn't know who he was, what I was missing, how to help him be consistently happy again. I could feel my confidence slipping, I began to doubt my ability to Mother this three-year old.

And then one day, a couple of months later, the sun broke through. The cobwebs were cleaned from my eyes, the haze of dust I was squinting through completely cleared. My once happy and carefree boy was himself. His laughter was contagious, his smile more beautiful. The tears lessened and I started to hear a lot of: "Okay, Mom," and "Sure, Mom," and "I love you, Mom." Medicine to my soul, a warm cup of tea to my icy heart. His voice was rich with a newfound maturity, and I recognized the kid that I had birthed three years prior.

There was no magic pill, no innovative toy that he fell in love with, no specific discipline--he just snapped out of it. I prayed for patience, daily (okay, hourly). I had to work extra hard to come down to his level and speak rationally and loving, all the while firmly. I was the one he was looking to when his emotions were hay-wired, I couldn't be emotionally unstable too. One night recently, my husband and I talked about the drastic changes Pierson had gone through and he said, "We have to remember when Reese turns three, this was just a phase."

Just a phase. Have you noticed how every sleep regression, every food avoidance, every thing we as moms tend to deem tragic--is all temporary?  For almost two months I didn't really think I could climb myself out of the hole of frustration I had fallen into. But my son helped remind me that though the three-isms are really stinken hard, this too is quite a magical age. At the end of the day, Pierson was still Pierson. Whatever season and phase he enters, I know the HEART of this young boy will stay consistently loving.

Being in the trenches with a threenager is sometimes beyond trying, but hang on tight because I promise that ALL of you will climb to the top bigger, stronger and more loving then ever.

When the Bakery is Closed, Make Your OWN! (Homemade Mini Donuts)

For the past three and a half years we've been super blessed with in-OUR-home childcare, but all of our regular sitters are growing up and had to cut back their days and hours for more classes or because they are starting their careers.  So this semester we have had THE hardest time finding regular helpers the days that we need them-- today was one of those days so I took the day off to be with the kiddos. (I'm not complaining too much about this, my heart is at my home with my babies, always!) Well this morning, I saw that storms were expected pretty much 90% of the day and I wanted to do something special with them. We have a new bakery just a couple blocks away from us so I thought, Hey, let's walk to the bakery! We've driven in the past but the kids could use the fresh air and maybe it'll tire them out for a better nap. (PS. It didn't. They both only slept an hour. What can do you do). 

My sweet two and three-year-old walked for twenty minutes, jumping over mud puddles, talking about the different kinds of donuts they were going to enjoy. Reese wanted sprinkles and Pierson was craving chocolate. Every other crack in the sidewalk they asked, "Is that the bakery? Are we there yet?" Just keep walking, I told them. Finally, we arrived and to my dismay, the blinds were all closed and the sign on the door read, Tuesday: Closed. I kid you not, the two of them sat down on the sidewalk and whimpered for several minutes; to them of course they felt they had just walked for hours and the reward was going to be a donut. I had to find a way to lure them back the same way we came, without having to switch off carrying them both (they are getting SO BIG!) Then I remembered: we have a mini donut maker at the house! Pierson and Reese, I excitedly said. We have a donut maker at home, I think we can make our own donuts!  It worked (for the most part. I still had to carry them on and off several times but at least I didn't have crying toddlers!)

We enjoyed a short pit-stop at the playground and then once home, I quickly googled "easy donut maker recipe without a cake mix." Baker Bettie's website came up and she had what looked like a fairly easy (and kid friendly) recipe. I let the kids watch an episode of Curious George (thank you, Netflix) and got busy in the kitchen getting out the ingredients we needed--luckily we had them all.

Ingredients: For Donuts
5 TBSP unsalted butter, softened
½ cup sugar
1 egg
½ cup milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 tsp baking powder
pinch salt
1½ cups all-purpose flour
Ingredients: For the Topping
¼ cup butter, melted
¼ cup sugar
½ tsp cinnamon

Once I had all of this out and ready it was super easy to call the kids into the kitchen to have their 'help.' Pierson pulls over a yellow step-stool and dumps the ingredients as needed and also can turn on the standing mixer. Reese climbs ON to the counter and watches, handing me measuring cups or the ingredients we need next. Here are the directions:

1. In a standing mixer, cream together the butter and sugar until fluffy. Add the egg, milk, and vanilla and mix until just combined (mixture will look curdled).
2. Add in the baking powder and the salt and mix until just incorporated. Mix in the flour just until combined. You don’t want to over-mix.
3. Turn on the mini donut maker and spray it generously with cooking spray
4. Spoon big drops into the donut maker and allow them to bake 3-4 minutes (or in my case, until the green light came on telling me "ready." Allow to cool just slightly before dipping in topping.
5. Melt the butter for the topping and combine the cinnamon and sugar. Dip each donut lightly in butter then roll in cinnamon and sugar.

The original recipe says it made thirty mini donuts-- I'm not sure what I did differently or if my donut maker is just a different size, but my batch did NOT turn out to be thirty. When the donuts came out of the maker, they were a dark brown and super soft. I dipped them into the cinnamon mixture and told the kids they could enjoy them after they ate their lunch. I prepared a little spot for them at the table and they were so excited for this sweet treat!

Next time I try to haul the kids to our neighborhood bakery I will definitely be checking online to see if they are OPEN or not, but this morning still turned out to be such a sweet one- literally! My kids are always inspiring me to try new things and I think our first time baking our own donuts turned out to be quite the success. I hope you enjoy them as much as we will!

Milky Magic

Raise your hand if you're always on the hunt for toddler friendly activities! I've created a new board on Pinterest where I can start Pinning all the activities/lesson and kid-friendly stuff that I think my two and three-year old could handle. We are currently working on Reese's colors and she's having a little bit harder time than Pierson did identifying them. I am therefore looking for color specific activities and today's is a GOOD one! All you need is milk, , Q-Tips, a shallow dish, food coloring and some dish soap, I used Dawn.

I found this activity from another blog, Lemon Lime Adventures. There Dayna has lots of other creative things regarding playing, sensory processing and even teaching. She used Palmolive, but I didn't have that brand of dish soap, hence why I used Dawn. 

Steps:
1. Gather your materials BEFORE the experiment, since getting anything ready WITH toddlers is well, challenging.
2. Pour the milk in the dish, just enough to cover it is totally fine.
3. Let the kids (using your discretion) pour some drops of food coloring sporadically into the milk.
4. Smother a Q-Tip in the dish soap and just let it DRIP into the milk.
5. Watch the colors integrate and turn into a beautiful milky mixture!

The kids were so excited and Pierson claims that it looks like, "HOT LAVA!" I thought this was a cool comparison and Reese was equally as excited. Her being fifteen months younger, her attention span was a bit shorter BUT she did proudly identify the colors as Pierson cheered her on! (Success in my book!) Pierson wanted to try adding another color so we threw yellow into the mix. This is so easy (and so cheap) so I definitely recommend trying it with your Littles. Anything that's easy to put together AND clean up is a huge plus in this household. Have fun experimenting and I would love to hear how yours turned out! (I wonder if the type of dish soap matters??)