The Case of the No Naps

Moms, have you literally forgotten everything that happened with your first born child, now that you have multiple? Because I promise you, I remember almost nothing. First steps, I know they happened the day before his first birthday. I remember he was 25 months old when he was completely potty trained (day-time that is). I remember he was the easiest babe to break of the binky. And I'm fairly certain he was the most perfect sleeper, ever. 

But that can't be 100% accurate. Because I also remember texting my sweet friend and soul sister Jerrica with a million sleep and nap questions; she too, was a "Babywise Mom." That means we scheduled our kiddos and had a pretty good grip on when they would sleep and when they wouldn't. I know that he napped like an angel (babysitters, DID HE?!?!) up until just recently, and he just turned FIVE. 

But if you were really asking me to remember all these details....well, I can't! I'm currently in this stage of nap regressions with our dear sweet daughter. She turns four in two very short months, and she is a monkey see monkey do kinda gal. (Lord, help.) She knows that her big brother doesn't nap daily anymore, and constantly asks, "Well, is Pierson going to play quietly in his room or will he be resting in BED?????" Telling her not to worry about her brother and to just worry about herself, well, that doesn't fly. 

I've always wanted to be the sweet and soften spoken mom. The one who never yells or who doesn't fly off the handle. The mom who gently lulls her anti-napping toddler to sleep. Or who is extremely patient with said toddler when she doesn't even lay down to TRY to sleep. But guys, I fail at this *MISERABLY.* There's like: strike one, strike two, strike three, strike ZERO, NOW I'M SCREAMING, and no, I haven't given too many chances because I'm totally exaggerating here to NOT make myself seem like a total lunatic. And now I'm sitting over here all like, "HOW is she ever going to nap in preschool?? They SAID that ALL the kids lie on their mats and just sleep. But there is no way in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks that this will happen?!?!?!" First of all, Reese turns four a month after she'll start preschool, which means she will be four in the three's room. Surely there'll be other four year olds present who are in the same situation as her? But to say I'm a little worried and stressed over this thought is kinda an understatement. 

My husband likes to reassure me (by not reassuring me) that it just won't be my problem. She'll be in preschool, not ME, and there is really absolutely nothing that I can do.

Okay...............thanks?

I am betting there will be like 300 of you who tell me that your child has never napped. So all I'm going to say here is that I am SO SORRY. I really wouldn't mind the no nap thing, IF I wasn't starting back to work in three weeks, where she'll be in brand new circumstances and settings. Her grandmother will watch her two days in our home, and I'm also not looking forward to how Reese is going to test those buttons on those days, either. Maybe those will just HAVE to be her 'no napping' days? But how do you do that.........? 

Has anyone else ever admitted that raising toddlers is a crapshoot? Who am I kidding, it's a shit shoot. (Sorry, Mom!) It's just a total mess where there are days you have no idea what you're doing, WHY you're having these battles, where you haven't looked in a mirror all day, and you are drinking coffee at two-thirty in the afternoon INSTEAD of lunch, because you just want to sit and BE. I sound like I'm complaining big time don't I? But did you know on the other side of this fence that I am sitting, there is this woman who is about to cry big giant puddles of tears because BOTH of her children are starting school in three weeks?? 

I looked at my five year in the car today in my rearview mirror and saw him just sitting all properly in his booster seat, looking out the window with his insanely long legs dangling off the seat. And in that moment, I got all choked up. This KID, my first born, is FIVE. And my daughter?? The one who is currently undressing herself in bed and getting really frustrated that she can't put the shirt back on correctly (yes, daughter, I can SEE YOU)--well, she's my BABY. I've always called her my baby baby, and here we are, approaching her FOURTH birthday. 

A couple realizations: 
-I'm getting old
-and motherhood is a constant lesson, teaching me ALL the things about selflessness, SELFISHness, grace, laughter, sorrow, and love. 

The case of the no naps have officially arrived. But I suppose this too, shall pass. 

*Dear daughter, my baby baby, who is NOW currently upstairs throwing books off your bed...I love you more than there are words. Thank YOU for still choosing to love ME, even when dear old mom sometimes loses it.*

Spring Break Part II [Myrtle Beach!]

Alas, the vacation haze has finally lifted and I've concluded editing ALL my many pictures. Myrtle Beach was incredibly beautiful, and our lovely condo was right on the beach. It also had a pool, (and a WARM pool at that) which made post-beach trips so nice. Where we stayed was a four-bedroom space, but the kids really wanted to sleep together. They had two twins bed in their room and it was nice and quiet and dark--aka, they slept SO well. We had a ton of fun with our friends Tim and Clayton, and spent our evenings relaxing and talking in the big living room. I had never been to Myrtle Beach before, and I have a HUGE fear of the ocean [hello, I grew up on the Great Lakes where nothing was scary OR salty!!]; so this trip was really new for me. We are SO thankful we took this trip, and can't wait for more summer trips (to who knows where!) 

We used an amazing bonded leather play mat from Gathre for most of our beach trip; it was super easy to wash off and didn't collect sand like a towel would. The kids loved sitting and resting on it in between their trips to the water. And just like Part I of Spring Break, I hardly ever took off my Gigipip baseball hat because um, hello windy beach days and super salty hair! Ha! 

Hope you've enjoyed seeing our trip through the photos. I think for Asa and I, our favorite part was camping, but we definitely enjoyed the warm weather and beauty South Carolina had to offer as well. 

It Doesn't Have to be a Battle [Raising a Strong-Willed Child]

There are a few things that people say every time they meet our daughter Reese:

a) She's SO cute!!
b) She has such an amazing personality!
c) Watch out... she's going to give you all a LOT of trouble!

All three of those are very true, but the last one is the one that tends to bring me the most stress. I mean, the girl is not yet three and she has more opinions than a politician.

For instance, I have medium length hair and I can't stand to have it on my neck. By the end of the day I'm hot, tired, feeling absolutely disgusting and 90% of the time, all of that results in me throwing it up in a messy ponytail. When I walk in the front door, Reese exclaims, "No, Mommy!! Don't wear your hair up! Don't wear your hair up!!!!" Seriously it's so bad, that I'm at the point of shaving it. [Not really, but seriously!?] I want to say, "Daughter, I will WEAR my hair however I f'ing choose to!"

The battle of wills has begun and honestly? It can be a little intimidating to have such a strong-willed child. It's not that she's BAD, because she's not. There's a few things that she's realizing: she knows she's funny. She knows she makes people laugh. And as her intelligence grows each day, she is learning that she has choices and a very large voice to make her preferences known.

So here's what I am learning about raising a strong-willed and independent child:

-Giving her choices is uber important (and can also be very trying): which shoes to wear, shirt, shorts, pajamas, toy to bring in the shower or bathtub, which color sippy cup, etc.
-Sometimes a firm redirection just doesn't work. She needs a friendly voice combined with a firm voice more often than not. With our son, we can tell him, "Go clean up your mess," and while sometimes there's a few grumbles, he knows just to do it. With her, being told, "Go do such and such," needs a little extra coaching. "Hey, you can leave those two toys out that you're still playing with, but let's clean up the rest." Usually if we add friendly to firm she starts singing the 'clean up' song and gets the job done.
-Sometimes I need to walk away. This is the area I struggle the most in, and obviously telling my toddlers, "I need a break," and closing a door isn't feasible. But picking my battles is crucial. Is it the end of the world if she leaves the bathroom to brush her teeth? Or if she left three toys out when she they're all supposed to be put away? There are little things that every mom of a 2-year old deals with... and as long as she's listening and obeying? I have to remind myself to breathe and CHILL.
-Catching the positives and praising her often is essential, as is making sure she hears them. I grumble, a lot. And the second she did it back at me I knew I had made a mistake. Guess what? Now she does it ALL. THE. TIME. I didn't even know I had done it audibly but here we are. So when she instead responds to me with, "Okay!" Or, "Yes, Mom," I praise the HECK out of her. There are lots of days when I feel like I am redirecting both kids 24/7, but it's actually helped each of them when I pass out positive affirmations while they are doing something GOOD. These types of moments can be easily missed; the sweet responses, the obedience to small tasks, but noticing them is vital.
-She's doesn't hate me. No, but for real, aren't there some days when you take the things your kids do or say personally? Bedtime has been rough for us lately, mainly for me. She tests every ounce of my limits when it's my turn to put her down. She wants to be funny and try to escape the room or her bed or fight the covers, and it can make me SO angry. And come eight o'clock at night, I'm just TIRED of redirecting kids. But she's not being disobedient because she hates me, she's doing it because for whatever reason she thinks MY rules are guidelines (she doesn't act that way with Dad!) and she needs my help understanding otherwise.
-She seems super strong at times and much more independent than her brother, but she still needs lots of love. She sometimes puts on a hard face and crosses her arms over her chest out of anger and frustration, but often those are the times she needs to be scooped up and hugged the most.

Man is this going to be trial and error though, am I right? Who would have thought that there would be SO many articles on "SWC"  (Strong-Willed Children)?? And it's not even that her brother is perfect or that we don't struggle with him; he's a rule follower and extremely Type A, (completely opposite from her!), but there's learning to be had with mothering him as well (duh, right?)

I have quite a few favorites that she does at the moment: stretching her arms high in the sky faking just waking up, omg, so funny. The way she wants to wait on the porch and watch me leave each day as I head off to work, tears. Her, "I need a hug, Mommy! I need a kiss, a kiss!" on repeat at naptime, bedtime, anytime...oh I love it. How she mothers her babies, singing them 'Sunshine' and rocking them to sleep... a glimpse into what a wonderful mama she will someday be!

Strong-willed children don't translate to bad children. It doesn't mean that they are terrible kids or disobey just to be defiant. I can't even begin to fathom all the GOOD she is going to do. And I really believe that with her Daddy's and I help, she won't allow the world to change her, but that she will change the world. Peer pressure, hopefully she'll breeze right past it. Being a pushover, I don't think that'll ever be an adjective anyone uses to describe her. Her favorite song is 'Fight Song' by Rachel Platten and she especially loves to watch the Supergirl show's Intro (with that as the theme song). She is brave, sweet, loves hard, and her firecracker personality is helping me as her mom grow and be better each day.

**Anyone else have a strong willed child? Or maybe you have a rule follower and are learning how to better parent him/her. Maybe you have both like I do? I always love hearing from you, jot me a note and share your tips and tricks and/or how YOU stay sane ;) ** 

From Baby to Boy

Big fat tears streamed down his sad face. I had scolded him a few minutes prior because he had just spent the last fifteen minutes whining, following me around, and repeating a request that I had already said, 'no' to, repeatedly. I asked him to please go upstairs, to sit down for a minute and take a break. When I came to talk to him and saw that face, I stretched my arms out wide.

"Buddy, what is wrong?" I asked. 
A genuine voice answered me and he said, "I want to be best friends with you, Mom. I need to be near you."

This child, my first-borne. The one who turns four next month and will say good-bye to his toddlerhood...and right now, his biggest worry is that we aren't best friends.

"Baby, Mommy was really tired of you whining when I had asked you to stop. Daddy and I are working hard to clean the house and I gave you plenty of other options for fun. I will always be your best friend, but I also need you to listen," I responded. He hugged my neck tightly and I breathed in his familiar scent. The top of his head still smells like 'baby' to me--his soft skin still brings me back to his newborn days. He is so much of what 'home' is for me. But he's gone from an infant who relied on me solely for nourishment and growth, to a child whose heart longs for an actual friendship.

There are some days that the requests wear me out. Come bed time, this mama is more than ready to take a hot shower, change into pajamas, and decompress however I want to.
-One more drink, Mom.
-Let's read just one more book.
-I need another hug and kiss. No, I need ANOTHER hug and kiss!
-Come pick me up, Mom.
-Mommy put me down.
-Tickle my back, Mom. No, tickle my arm. Wait, tickle my nose. (What?!)

Guess what I not only know, but I inwardly wrestle with just thinking about? The inevitable truth that this toddler will grow into a young boy, who will transition to a teen, and then an adult. Chances are, he'll become a husband and later a father. Everyone promises, "You'll love every single stage!" I believe you. But he won't fit so perfectly in my arms anymore. And then what? (Scratch that, recently I tried to read to him in the rocking chair that I used to nurse him from, and his long and gangly legs drooped over the sides and his body stretched more than half-way down mine. We moved to his bed and I thought, 'When did you get this BIG?')

Pretty soon, he won't want me to put him to bed. He won't want me to read, because he'll be the one reading instead. The lullabies that I sing will eventually seem too childish, the sleepy-time glasses may at some point fade away. I won't be putting him into cute and cozy jammies. He will no longer demand to sleep with Lion. He won't beg me for another hug and kiss, he won't get his feelings so deeply hurt when I ask him to go to another floor of the house--he won't worry if his MOM is his best friend.

These days are fleeting and I'm still trying to convince myself that I will be okay as we move on to the next phases. His love for Little Einsteins and Curious George will be replaced with PG-13 movies and asking to go to the theatre with friends. His need to incessantly be by MY side will switch to a girlfriend's. It will be her hand that he'll want to hold and her phone ringing as soon as he comes in from school (where he will probably have just spent ALL day with her).

Each and every year has been encompassed with beautiful memories and stories. I prayed for my son before he was born and I promise to continue. I know that as time progresses, my heart somehow finds a way to love him more and more; so trust me, I believe you when you say that I will love it all. And on my hardest days, the ones that I want to hurry through his bedtime, enforce the 'one book' rule, and insist that his dad be the one to put him down--I will remember his voice:

"Mommy, we are best friends, remember?" 

Yes, sweet son, I will forever be your very best friend.