Books, Bunnies, and a BIG TGIF

This has been the longest/shortest week ever. I'm not sure how it's Friday, yet some of our days have felt incredibly long. Some things I've wondered this week: do other moms completely lose their patience? We have some incredibly sweet moments, but come Friday (today) I legit had to call Asa at work to talk with Pierson because I was at my wits END. Anyway, that's perhaps another blog post...and I'm getting this one up later than usual, so I may or may not be even MORE worn out as I try to figure out the good things to say about these five days ;) 

The kids had so much fun decorating for Easter this month and I love how excited they were with some of their crafts [hence why I'm sharing some Easter photos a tad late.]

We spent 99% of our days at our dining room table, but I love it. It's where I read my devotions, journal, and often where we read our Bible stories in the morning. As you all know, I am pro-every-single-holiday so with Earth Day being tomorrow, we did some lessons this week. We talked about the importance of recycling, deciphering what goes in the garbage, and ways to keep the world clean. Pierson impressed me with his sorting and gluing skills; I had a little glimpse into his upcoming kindergarten days :( Sammy is pictured because he has been cracking us UP getting into our fabric boxes, trying to steal the kids craft pom pom balls. Look at his crazy eyes!

The kids got some new books this week, Kingdom of You, and we LOVE them. They are personalized with their names, their favorite things (pasta and ice cream, and superheroes and princesses!), and the pages are full of color and fascinating pictures. I read to both Pierson and Reese their individual stories, and they loved finding their names throughout the pages. If you haven't yet checked out this company Lost My Name, I highly recommend them and their books!

This afternoon was a long one waiting for Daddy to get home... but it was filled with laughter, drinks at the faucet (his favorite thing to do because his cool big cousin/best friend Arie showed him how, haha!!) and princess spins in the dining room. And last but not least, Reese got an adorable new toy, Chloe the Bunny, from Cuddle and Kind. When one doll is bought, ten meals are given to children in need--how awesome is that?! 

Patching Hearts, Target Trips, and Finishing a Book

Currently I am steeping a very hot cup of tangerine tea, just lit some candles, and have my book Present Over Perfect open in front of me. I actually just finished it, and I don't know about for you, but this doesn't come easy for me! But now I'm sitting here with this feeling of, "what's next?" and, "how can I apply EVERYTHING Shauna said directly to my heart and life?" I underlined a LOT of sentences in this book, as I did throughout Uninvited. Like this part: 

Because that's what I've been searching for: a sense of my own worth. That's what we're craving: the sense that we matter, that someone sees us, that we are loved and valued. And so some of us try to earn it...

and she continued, 

It is only when you understand God's truly unconditional love that you begin to understand the worth of your own soul--not because of anything you've DONE, but because every soul is worthy, every ONE of us is worthy of love, having been created by and in the image of the God of love. 

I'm still dealing with a lot of emotional stuff, if you will. Mending friendships, letting some go, trying to live in the present and enjoy the season I'm currently in. Not being in the classroom right now (and having taught for five whole years) has me feeling disconnected, funky, like, "WHO AM I!?" but I am trying to be SO thankful I have basically the next seven months left of being Mom. It's funny how a life change like this can just leave me feeling so off, but I'm hopeful that I can rest in God's unconditional love because really and truly, that's what I crave. 

Alright, you tired of the deep stuff? Ha ha, me too! This week was good but today was kind of a doozy. We have all those, right? We couldn't play outside because it was freezing cold and spitting sleet, so I bundled the kids up and took them to Target, duh. They got cake pops, I got a giant vanilla latte, and we walked around for an hour. It would have been nice to have been able to smell candles and look at home decor the entire hour, but it basically consisted of me bribing them aisle by aisle with, "we'll look at toys next," and "if we go see this, I promise we'll go to art supplies next," and then finally, I was just doooone and really wishing I hadn't gone as close to nap time as I did. I later texted Asa and asked if he could please take them to the gym when he got home so that I could just have an hour of quiet. [Lord I wish I had his patience.....]

So here's some of the stuff we did this week! Valentines crafts, learning about the letters B and C, doing a sink and float science "experiment, and lots of coloring, per usual. Reese enjoys helping "make breakfast," so she helped me cook some eggs; we read a lot in Mommy's bed, I drank a LOT of tea, and in the mornings after we finished our bible story, I let them watch the animated version--they LOVED that. Oh, and I made frozen yogurt bites, which they kids are now obsessed with. If you haven't yet made those, you should try it. Just use a ziplock bag and dump some yogurt in it, cut off the corner of the bag, and squeeze into little dots on a cookie sheet. Freeze for 20 minutes and you're good to go! 

Pierson is working on a computer intervention program that Asa's school uses, and he moved up an entire level this week--that's a big deal! It's his first academic "accomplishment" if you will, so today while at Target I let him pick a craft. He loves to paint and to be careful while doing art; I absolutely love that he chose this figurine painting set. He did the horse first, because he said he wanted me to put it in my 'office.' I told him my dream horse (a Bay) and by golly, he did an amazing job. Thanks, Kid, Mom needed more reasons to almost cry today! ;)  

Reese behaved well in Target and because I have a bleeding heart, I wanted to let her pick a toy out too. We went to the dollar section and she chose a Frozen notebook, right up her alley. Tonight I am hosting a women's night, where we'll actually talk about the book Uninvited and gorge ourselves on food and conversation. I'm super excited ProFlowers and Sharis Berries sent me some treats because the girls are going to LOVE these covered strawberries. So, that's it! Our week in photos. Our weekend ahead is very busy, and the plan is to go to MICHIGAN [sans husband, LORD HELP ME] next week; so I'm hoping for a little R&R somewhere between. 

This Body

This body has held two babies; when they were first placed into its' arms, and now, as their growing bodies stretch down more than half of its' torso. This body may be thin, but it is strong. And this body, it has ran up and down flights of steps thousands of times in search of binkies, special blankets, baby dolls, and stuffed lions. Many a night is this body exhausted, but it never gives out, it never gives up.

Since becoming a mom, I've watched every inch of me change. The increased smile lines around my mouth from all the laughter that escapes, and the brow indent from none other than that worried and cringed face when times were tough. The veins on my calves beginning to spread, the core I've been working on has flattened and yet kept its' faint stretch marks. My tummy that has gotten tighter, but yet refuses to let go of that mom skin.

Giving birth seems like a lifetime ago, yet each one is permanently engraved on my heart. I remember, just when I thought my body couldn't handle the pain, another contraction would come and go, and I found myself surviving. Two times, I was blessed to have experienced it, two times, my body carried an eight pound, full-termed baby. I'd kick my legs or I would drop to all fours, crying out, "Oh no," with each pained breath. And then, just as I realized how long I had been at it, just how tired I was, I was holding someone that was half ME. And just like that, I was given an entire second wind, un-phased by the pain.

My daughter tripped and fell when she was fifteen months old, requiring a couple stitches and a late night in the ER. She has a tiny scar in the top left of her forehead, and really, that's her only 'flaw.' Maybe I should call it a beauty mark--there's no such thing as flaws. Sure in error, when one has physically messed up or didn't mean to do something; but on our bodies, no. As my daughter continues to grow, her skin will no longer be as smooth; she too, will begin to show the test of time, she too, will reflect on these years. Both of my children will grow tall, probably like their daddy, and so much of them is destined to change. Will her hair forever hold her now tight ringlets? Will he always smile with his eyes and crinkle his nose when he laughs?

Time.

Passing.

Transforming.

Each mark, each scar, each year, telling all of our stories.

My body has told the story of TWO bouts of Postpartum Thyroiditis. It has seen two-digit numbers on the scale when it crashed after my son's birth, and it has rebounded back to healthy. A year ago I had begun to slightly panic at my reflection in the mirror; I wasn't yet ready to love this new body, all of its' progressions, all of its' pain. But now?

I'm beginning to see a victory--I don't mind as much the mom skin that still exists. I have worked hard; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually-- to accept this body. To be proud of this body. To share its' story with whomever needs to hear. And to show my children that these changes are okay.

When I first launched this blog in January 2016, my goal was this: write for yourself + your family. Enjoy it. And if you don't? Don't do it! Days after it went live, I was strongly convicted that I needed to write about my body and the journey it has been on. I talked about body shaming and how these last few years have brought lots of shame, from lots of different people. Never fathoming that it would go viral, I realized it was a story that needed to be heard. [Click here to read]

Today my message lives on--there is grace in this body. We are given these bodies ONE time. Let's teach our children to be strong, let's show them how to love their bodies, and while we are at it, let's work on loving ours.

Baby Unwise

Babywise, Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child, The Happiest Baby on the Block, the Ferber Method, co-sleeping vs. not co-sleeping, cloth diapers vs. disposable, medicated childbirth vs. all natural, vaccinated or not, formula vs. the boob-- what do you think I am getting at?

 If you are currently a Mom living in the 21st Century, I bet 90% of you have heard one of those terms or phrases. What do they mean? What in the heck is the Ferber method? Oh, just letting your baby cry for pre-determined amounts of time before giving him or her comfort? But wait, you let your baby cry?! Babywise-- baby WHAT? Scheduled naps and feedings, what in the Sam Hill  would you do that for? And disposable diapers? YOU ARE THE REASON THE EARTH IS ROTTING. You don't vaccinate your children because you know better than thousands of pediatricians? Your child is ten and still shares a bed with you?! No, that can't be right, or normal. You had an epidural during labor?! Do you even know how dangerous those are?? Breastfeeding- you let a tiny human suck on your nipple and chaff it?! OUCH!

Ladies, I'm kidding. Well, I'm kind of kidding. I have followed a lot of inspirational Mamas via Instagram for several years and honestly, I'm blown away by the things people say. Human beings, that is what we are, correct? Yet sometimes, we talk to one another or about someone, like they are anything but human. I've seen words like, "hate," "stupid," "ignorant," "abusive," and "idiotic" when reading responses to posts on how a mom chose to sleep train, feed, and raise their baby. We pick on each other for organic versus processed (yellow 5, are you kidding me?! You FEED your kids that?!) Have people always been so critical?

I follow the sweet and talented Hannah Carpenter on Instagram (if you don't, you need to!) and recently she had a post that made me laugh out loud: a cute picture of one of her daughters and youngest son with the caption, "they both still come to bed with me every night. I don't hate it," and the hashtag #babyunwise. I commented on it that I appreciated her humor, whether she was trying to be humorous or not; and that while my husband and I chose to actually do and use Babywise, I loved how different we all are and that we can still be a community! Hannah responded, "Agreed. Everybody's gotta do what works for them." Preach, sister.

I'm the mom who swore she never wanted kids of her own. And I was so disturbed by breastfeeding that even when I got pregnant, I claimed that I didn't really want to do it. Enter the birth of my first child, our son, and once he was here, breastfeeding became one of my greatest joys (chaffed and bloody nipples and all and yes, that did happen). Don't even get me started on how my milk supply dried up; I was in hysteria over the fact that I wasn't making the choice to stop breastfeeding when he was a mere six months old, I was being forced. I even used one of my best friend's breast milk that she donated until it ran out, I began supplementing with formula and he continued to grow and thrive into a perfectly healthy baby boy! I was also the Mom who thrived on a schedule and the thought of not having one for him greatly stressed me out. When friends mentioned Babywise, we read it, talked about it, prayed about it and did it. The day Pierson was born, it's like he said, "I've got you, Mom and Dad." He nursed every three hours on the clock, slept pretty great off the bat, and again, continued growing into a healthy and happy babe. I know we tweaked things along the way....Did he ever need to eat "off the clock," sure! I didn't starve him, I didn't neglect him, and I made sure that his needs always and foremost came above mine. We had our second child, our baby girl Reese, and knew that because Babywise was so successful with him, we would of course try with her. She threw us for some loops, especially when she turned eight weeks old; colic or belly aches or who knows really because I can't remember--but we didn't stick solely with that method. Things changed and she forced us to be a little more flexible and while being so, I realized that I was still a good mom.

My kids are now two and three and haven't slept in our bed since they were a week or two old. I tried with Pierson; we got him all cozy in the middle of our bed with his sweet blankets. He looked so peaceful and cuddly, but every dad blame noise he made, I was leaning over his face making sure he was alright. We decided having him sleep in his crib would allow all of us a better and more solid nights rest and having a video monitor gave me peace of mind. The same went for Reese; I learned that with Pierson, since he slept in his bed from his first week on, he was not flexible to sleeping in other places. I love that he loves his bed but at the same time, I am incredibly envious when I see pictures of sleeping kids in their parents bed. I was hopeful I could make Reese a little more flexible with her sleeping, but to no avail, she's the same way. I would give anything to cuddle in our king sized bed with both babies and sleep soundly all together but it's just not going to happen any time soon. I'm too high strung (and a terrible sleeper in general) and my kids are too used to their routine. Parent fail? Probably to some, but why does how we chose to sleep train our children have to be up for debate with anyone else? Oh, you didn't do co-sleeping? Cool, that's great. Whatever works for you! Or, your kids sleep with you? Awesome, I'm so glad that method works. Whichever you're for or against, I promise it's okay.

Not too long ago, I needed to take the kids to the grocery by myself. We have those annoying car shopping carts and when they spotted them near the entrance, Reese screamed, "Blue car!" Pierson yelled, "Red car!" I grabbed the closest one: the red one. Enter my two year's old tantrum: Reese starts hysterically sobbing, screaming, actually going red in the face. She's our hitter and she smacked my chest in a quick angry outburst. Customers passed by me, I stood quiet, in between the roses and avocados. I gently took her hands and put my mouth to her ear, "Reese Elisabeth, you will not hit me, you will not throw a fit and yell and get your way. You will now ride in the shopping cart, not the car, until you are calm." More crying.

Photo by Jana Glass

A manager came over and said, "Would it help if I gave her a sucker?" What world do you live in?!  A sucker to reward her hitting me and screaming because she didn't get her way?!I I thought. "No thank you, she will be just fine." We continued moving. "I. want. to. ride. in. the. blue. car," she cried. Down the milk aisle, her still crying, me still quietly reminding her of the expectations. "Enjoy these moments," a man said as he smiled at me. This? Right here? Enjoy this? He continued, "...it only gets harder from here." I stopped the noisy and giant cart. "That's the piece of advice you want to give me right now?" He laughed, "Oh I'm kidding," he continued shopping in another aisle, away from my hellions yelling.. A lady with giant puppy dog eyes looked at Reese. "Poor baby," she sighed. Poor baby, yes, the two-year-old throwing the fit over the color of the gigantic car shopping cart I have to navigate through diapers and wipes. 

Reese suddenly had her epiphany and let out a heavy sigh. Her body stilled, her shoulders loosened and her big hazel eyes looked into mine. "I'm sorry," she said. I hugged her and thanked her for using her words. Reese, you can ride in the car if you can do it without yelling and if you keep your hands to yourself." There was Pierson, riding quiet as a mouse this trip. I gently sat her beside him in the god-awful blue car and tiredly approached the check-out counter. No sooner did I get half way through paying did the two of them start bickering. A lady behind me touched my shoulder as she started loading her groceries on to the scanner. "I just wanted to say, we have been in the same aisles a lot today and I've been watching you." Uhoh, I thought. "From one parent to another, you are a fudging rock star of a Mom."  Except she didn't say fudge, she said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word! "Oh gosh, thank you," I smiled and to myself thought, this has been okay.

That, that comment right there-One mom to another, she didn't roll her eyes at my noisy children, she didn't scold me for not parenting differently; she just gave me a pat on the back. She doesn't know if we did co-sleeping or not, if I birthed them naturally or not or whether I bought cloth or disposable diapers. And she didn't need to- she saw a mom; a tired mom, an embarrassed mom, a mom who could use some serious encouragement, and she gave it! That's all it took to turn my afternoon around and her one line has stuck with me ever since.

From one mom to another, from me to you, however you parent, whichever way you want to raise your children: YOU are a fudging rock star and I applaud YOU! I hope and pray that instead of being a community of competitors, judges, one-uppers, and negative Nancy's, we can instead put arms around each other, look one another in the eye and say "Your babies are lucky to have YOU!" 

I would love to hear from you! What are your favorite parenting tips? What is your go-to book for Motherhood? Share a piece of advice you would give a fellow Mama and let's encourage one another today!