Beating Back Fear

I wouldn’t say I am afraid of a lot of things, but there seems to be a pattern for me. As a hard worker and an ‘achiever’ mindset kinda gal, I live a face paced and busy lifestyle. The one word (that I’ve definitely blogged about before) that seems to surface from time to time is this:

F A I L U R E

Now I know, no one LIKES failing. And the interesting thing to me is that I wouldn’t ever call myself a failure. But when I evaluate the fear I am facing, I can see that deep down it feels like failing and I fear it so badly.

Over three years ago I had my ‘traumatic fall’ (as I call it) off my Paddy. Y’all know that. The fall was so bad, my face was so bashed up, and the perineum tear I experienced was well, nothing you want to hear abut here. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to work through the FEAR of riding him, ever again. I constantly doubted if I could ride WELL, at least. Or that I’d be able to trust him. Three years later, I take that boy all across open fields and work so hard in the arena, trotting and cantering and learning how to be a team. It’s been so fun and incredible to feel the growth with Paddy. (Don’t misinterpret me, he and I are always learning. And sometimes, I DO feel fear while upon his back, but oh man it’s been awesome to be able to work through it.)

I can’t chalk our growth and my ability to ride him freely just up to ME though. I had a helper. A beautiful, sweet, saint of a helper—and his name is Rocco.

Recently Rocco and I had our first major scare, together. It’s a very long story that truthfully I don’t want to bore my non-horsey readers with, but the moral of the story is that he is even more scared of my Paddy and the other geldings in Paddy’s field, than I ever realized. (We recently switched Rocco fields to be with the ‘good boys,’ two other older and more docile horses than Paddy’s field—who tend to be territorial and more Alpha in behaviors.) While riding Rocco PAST his old pasture, Paddy approached him (keep in mind, IN his pasture), pinned his ears back at Rocco, and Rocco lost his mind. He spun and backed up and ran into the fence behind him, and tried to bolt and did all the things and I was freaking OUT.

I am just not experienced ENOUGH to have been able to help him work through that, especially ON his back. I yelled, I reacted, I was gripped with fear. It was a terrible feeling…one that I was familiar with before. And I hated it.

F E A R

“One of the greatest threats to mental and emotional health is fear…it sends us into fits of anxiety and panic,” (-Rebekah Lyons)

I ended up dismounting (truthfully I thought I was for SURE going to fall off) and I was so angry. And I felt so BAD for being so angry. I felt like in a split second, my confidence was ripped away from me, while on my confidence boosting horse. I led him back to the barn, got back on, and rode to the arena. Riding to the arena was fine. I wasn’t scared or fearful to be on his back. But the thought of going back down that driveway and potentially riding past Paddy’s field again?? That I couldn’t handle…Back in the barn, tears started streaming. As I replayed the events to my barn friends, I confessed what a failure I was feeling like. (Thank God for barn sisters to hug and to preach rational truth into me!)

…”Instead of avoiding the things we fear, we might consider confronting them. Fear holds us back and keeps us believing the lie that we aren’t strong enough, brave enough, or mentally tough enough to break out of our ruts…”

It’s been two days. I am itching to get back to the barn and to hug Rocco again. I know he is struggling with anxiety (with those particular horses for some reason) and I know he needs me. He needs me to be strong…to be calm, to be patient, to be CONFIDENT. My trainer gently reminded me, “Sometimes we need them for confidence, and other times they need us for confidence.” I know horses are majestic creatures. I know they speak their own language, they feel deeply, and they can be such sensitive souls. I feel a lot of fear even thinking about riding down the driveway again, in the event he bolts and spooks and spins all over again. But I am making an action plan and know that taking baby steps to beat back fear, for both us, is going to be okay.

You don’t have to love horses to be able to relate to this post, at least I don’t think so. All of us have had crippling fear at one point or another. One of you reading this is working through fear of your own. Maybe it’s fear of sickness, fear of failure in your marriage or workplace, perhaps it is fear of losing a friend or community. What fears or anxieties do YOU need to overcome? Try making a list and then work through ways you can begin to beat that fear back.

I have been reading Rebekah Lyons book ‘Rhythms of Renewal’ and she has inspired me so much to sit back and think through a lot of things. If you’re looking for a book that talks about the importance of friendship, adventure, exercise, good food, leadership and more, try reading this one. And if you need a friend to help support you while you beat back your fears, just shoot me an email and I’d be happy to connect with you.

xx

Don’t Let Derailed Plans Derail You

When we bought the house we are currently in, it was practically brand new. Well, five years old but that’s pretty darn new, especially since the one we moved OUT of was over 100-years old. I think for me, I assumed this house would be perfectly fine, a-okay, hunky dory, and really never cause us any ‘issues’ because it was so ‘new.’ But as I sit here reflecting, I’m reminded we didn’t have even a fraction of the problems in our old house that we do here… NEW doesn’t always mean better! I’m a big lesson person, and I believe there is generally a lesson to be learned from almost everything; so I want to share some that I’m learning in this current phase of life.

Things Don’t Go According to Plan

We all know this, right? We make plans and set goals and while sometimes things work out great, often they do not. Asa and I were so excited for the downfall of snow we got in February, never thinking twice about it damaging anything. I grew up in Michigan with feet of snow dumping on my childhood home every single winter. I know my parents house has had some leaking issues in the basement, but it never had ice damming on the roof! I never even knew that was a thing if I’m being honest, until now. We were hit hard with both snow AND ice, and very quickly we started to see water spots on the ceiling….we knew things were getting really not fun when the hardwood floors starting bowing and changing in texture—YIKES.

Thank the Lord FOR homeowners’ insurance, truthfully! We put in a claim and before we even had to time to think really, a crew was out looking at our house. And then REALLY before we knew it, floors were being ripped apart, drywall was getting replaced, and fans were blowing for 48 hours making sure everything was nice and dry. Our walls got a fresh coat of white paint (literally the whole entire first floor) and the last thing has been to get the hardwoods repaired and redone. Which is where we are currently…

Packers came and packed up our first floor, then movers came and moved it all out. We’ve had nowhere to sit for four days and we’ve been sleeping on our bedroom floor like poor college kids. ;) At the end of this though, imagine how incredible our house is going to look and feel? Things didn’t go according to plan but in the end, it sure will look better! (Please, God, no more needs for home owner claims……..) Don’t let derailed plans derail you, it’s 100% part of life and I think what makes the good SO good.

Take Things in Stride

I sat in my closet on the floor, in the dark, with the door shut, taking very deep breaths. It had rained ALL weekend long, the kids were so bored and their noise levels were echoing throughout the very empty first floor. This was Sunday night…after Asa and I had packed the kids suitcases, ours, and we were going through the house trying to figure out and gather what we would need for a week spent OUT of our house. Monday we would move into a rental home for the week, as our hardwood floors get finished.

I realized I had a deadline for a brand that was going to be very challenging to complete and I was starting to internally freak out. I grabbed one of my favorite essential oils, Valor, (if you don’t have it, you need it) and took deep breaths. Then, my sweet, sweet husband opened the closet door and closed it behind him. He sat WITH me there, and walked me through the next day. He encouraged me to email the brand and ask for a 24 hour extension (praise God they’re awesome and gave it to us!) and after I had that moment…I reminded myself that one, I am incredibly blessed and two, it’s okay to slow down and catch your breathe. It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and to stress ourselves out with the MANY challenges we may be facing, but when we take them in stride, it is so much easier to function!

Being Happy with Less

Our first floor has been empty for DAYS. No couch or chair in the living room, no dining room table, no kitchen table, no bar stools…so we’ve had to do life a little differently. Our meals have been either outside on the deck or upstairs in the family room. Our dogs and cats at first looked around, confused; but really, as long as they have their people, they are happy. And the same goes for us! We have had each other and while it’s looked really differently, we still have so much to be joyful about. Having a beautiful home is always something that means a lot to me, (a blog post about it here), but having less doesn’t mean our happiness has to be sacrificed. It was really eye opening to stand in our empty living room, with the bare walls, and to hug each other tightly knowing really, THAT was all that mattered—we have each other. Wherever we are, no matter what is going on, regardless of what life looks like—we are strong because we have one another.

Mama’s Mood Matters

I have never liked the phrase ‘happy wife, happy life,’ because I wholeheartedly agree the same can be said for having a happy HUSBAND. But what I’ve learned a LOT over the years, especially the older our kids are getting…is that my mood often sets the tone for the household. That sounds like a lot of pressure, doesn’t it? Ha. But you probably know what I mean. Negative emotions are contagious, but so are POSITIVE. Me, as a mom, realizes I may need to become more and more mindful of this. What kind of mood do we want to inspire in others? Being in touch with MY emotions and what I’m offering others…is one, another reason I’m thankful for my essential oils (ha) and two, another reason I’m thankful to have a husband who helps me stay in check!

What’s going on in your world right now? Have you done any house renovations that shook you? It’s hard to believe we are half way through April right now, isn’t it? I’m thankful for spring, for change, and I am looking forward to being back home!

A Nostalgic Christmas

Isn’t Christmas MAGICAL?! The lights, the colors, it is truly the most beautiful time of year in our home. This year we are so thrilled to have a Treetopia tree in our home. This gorgeous tree reminds both me and my husband of our trees from our childhood, well, except, this one is massive. As soon as it was up we couldn’t stop talking about how grand it felt, and yet so nostalgic of our childhood. We simply love that this is the tree our kids will remember. That it brings our childhood and theirs together in a beautiful way. 

This year decorating the tree was particularly special. The kids have grown fond of certain ornaments, and had to share their memories of many of the sparkly things now decorating our gorgeous tree. Reese must have said “Oh I love this one” or “I remember this because….” With each ornament she placed on the tree. Making this season magical is so important to us, and sincerely this beautiful 9-foot Fir has really helped create that in our home. Not to mention the super cute ornaments Treetopia also sent, how sweet and timeless are these??

Whether we are sipping coffee in the morning, or hot cocoa at night, sitting by this tree has sincerely brightened our spirits. It’s funny how something new, can bring up so many happy memories of the past and help me relive all of those great childhood Christmases from when I was a kid.

PS: Treetopia also sells wreaths and garland, so BASICALLY this brand is your one stop shop. You really can’t go wrong (especially if you order today on Cyber Monday, when they are having up to 60% OFF!)

Not only did I partner with Treetopia, there are also nine other amazingly talented women who are going to be sharing THEIR beautifully and uniquely decorated trees with you this week. Each day this week, there will be two of us sharing how we decorated to show you what Christmas means to US. That being said, go check out Kara’s AWESOME 80’s inspired tree on her blog!

This post is sponsored by Treetopia. Thanks for supporting the brands that help make all the sweet stuff we do as a family possible. All ideas and opinions are my own.

How to Create and Enjoy Your Outdoor Space

I don't know about you, but I basically live for all things outdoor. I thoroughly embrace each season (okay, that's a lie...I think I hate winter!!) so when they shift and each one makes room for more opportunities spent outside, I take every chance! When we moved into our new house last summer, the first thing we noticed was how empty the back deck felt. We already had a gazebo with globe lighting, but I dreamt of outdoor furnituture; preferably some that I could comftorably lounge and get sleepy on. We knew that realistically we couldn't afford to buy anything (buying a brand new house is *kinda* pricey all on its' own.....) so we waited until the time was right. 

See this sectional? You better believe this is where I do the majority of my ME time. Sometimes I let my husband join me... kidding, kidding, kidding! We spend a LOT of time talking and cuddling right there. I remember the first night he set this all up. It was still cool and crisp outside (not 103 degrees as it CURRENTLY is) and we completely dozed off under that Opalhouse blanket. Thank you, Target, for generating a brand new line that basically resembles Anthro, but is way more affordable, am I right, Girls?! 

All of the pillows can be found yet this season at Target. The long rectangular one is not technically an 'outdoor pillow,' nor is the throw, but I decided to risk it anyway. They didn't have many options that I loved that are considered 'outdoors,' so when it rains I just do my best to grab them and put them on our living room couch. 

The sectional is an amazing Amazon find! It is seriously SO comfortable and very easily washable. It IS considered an outdoor couch, so yay. It came with the table, and we went with the Nature Brown option. Honestly the table came broken, with a piece of wood split open on the side. We decided to fix it ourselves instead of shipping it back, and Amazon was great to refund us $100 for the trouble. 

The two side chairs were also purchased on Amazon, but are technically Walker Edison Furniture pieces. They came in a set of two, and while the wood doesn't match 100%, it's very, very close and looks great with the sectional. We love that we can host 6+ people easily on this patio, because one of our biggest passions is gathering and fellowshiping with our friends and family. It's not just us who love lounging in this space, clearly our pets spend a lot of time here as well. Our grey cat, Manny, starts to howl around 6 in the morning to be let out and when I actually get UP for the day, I always smile when I see him curled up in a ball either on the couch or in the circular tray on the table.

My biggest advice for designing your outdoor space, is to create it around your family's needs. Sure, cute things are great, but they're not always functional. We made sure that we had a couch large enough that we could host, but made sure to choose one that could be cleaned and would [hopefully] last a long time. The outdoor rug is also easily sprayed off, and can still be found at Target.  

Pops of color are always great in a neutral space, which is why I went with the Opalhouse line of products that I did. I am obsessed with those salmon, and light pinks, and they look great on that cream colored sectional! And lastly, I am a firm believer that fresh flowers make *every* space better and more appealing. So at least whenever we host or plan to spend a few hours on the deck, I like to buy some and fill a vase. 

I would love to know what your dream deck looks like! Or what projects you're currently working on! I am so grateful to have this space and look forward to many cozy nights spent outside because of it.