2023, Here We Go!

2022 started with Asa testing positive for Covid. His Facebook status (which he rarely EVER updates), read this:

For the new year, I thought I’d do something I’ve never done. Tested positive for COVID today. Is it 2023 yet?

To which I responded: 

Hey, don’t wish away our year. 2022 is gonna have crisis, heartache, drama, stress, tears and more. But it’s ALSO going to have laughter, hugs, newness, excitement, and JOY. I love you!!!! I am sooooooo sorry you are so sick and that this break has been prettyyyyyyy miserable. You and we’ve got this!

He responded, “Ashley, it better be good!” and I said (yes, this is a lot of back and forth)... “It might not be? But we can handle anything together.” 

Today was the memory of that status. He scoffingly said, “Boy were you right, Ash!” I remember how I felt this time last year. That 2022 was a new year, I was excited about it, but knew that like all years, there would be challenges that came our way. Did I ever guess that would include being diagnosed with a severe autoimmune disease? Of course not. But NONE of us know the ‘hand we will be dealt,’ right? I feel like every single year for the rest of our forever (here on Earth anyway), is going to guarantee these things: 

Heartache. Laughter. Hope. Despair. Grief. Love. Friendships. Loss. Challenges. Accomplishments. Failure. Achievements. Smiles. Tears. And maybe it’ll all repeat, maybe not? 

And I also know this: If we stay united with Christ, and with each other, it will ALL be okay. So how about 2023? What’s next?

This year I didn’t set any MASSIVE goals. I don’t need to run a certain or set number of miles, I simply want to ‘increase my miles.’ Would I love to run 10-13 miles again without stopping? Sure! Right now I can do a solid 3-4 and I’m happy to maintain that for a little bit, and then I want to pick it up. Since finding out I HAVE MS, that alone has made my workouts way more doable and enjoyable. I find myself thanking God that I CAN do them, whereas before, I took a lot of runs and lifting workouts for granted. 

I also want to make more friends at our church (and really just in general, with Christ loving people.) We’ve attended our church a few years, since the Pandemic really, and while we know a handful of people, we aren’t fully plugged IN, if that makes sense. I am craving deep and meaningful friendship. I was never in a sorority, I don’t live in the same state I grew up in, and frankly since having to move churches several times throughout our marriage, that has made friendship hard! Oh and the fact that I got married as a sophomore in college / 20-year old…ha. Today a neighbor of ours texted, “I know it’s last minute but we are making a charcuterie board and some simple pasta. Would you guys want to come over for dinner?” and I died inside. Kidding–but I was so sad we couldn’t make it! I told my husband this was my dream friendship right in front of me. A charcuterie board, pasta, and amazing people!? YES, PLEASE! PS: Motherhood / Adulting / Friends = tricky to maintain and manage, at least for ME. 

My other hopes for this year are that I will read more, and that I will grow significantly in my walk with God. I want to read more books about Him, learning about His character and who HE is. I want to decrease screen time, and believe we should ALL be doing that. Today our pastor encouraged us that as a congregation, our goals should have rhythms AND restrictions, and I couldn’t agree more. For instance:

*Rhythms: daily prayerful engagement with Scripture 

*Restrictions: limit quality and quantity of screen intake 

Nothing was huge or out of the norm as far as setting my goals for 2023. I have seen how EASY it is to walk away, and I do not want to do that. I long for our family to be so deeply rooted in Christ loving friendships and community, and that together we will be rooted in Him. No one said the year will be easy, and it won’t be. But as I said above, if we stay united with Christ, and with each other, it will ALL be okay. (My dad loves to say, “It’ll all be good,” and it makes me smile.)

(Does this feel like a big, giant spoken ‘prove me wrong’ God, to anyone else?? I tend to be on the superstitious side sometimes, where I am scared to say things aloud because then they so freakishly HAPPEN?? That I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t kinda freaked myself out with this post.) 

What about you, Friend? Wanna share your 2023 goals with me? Feel free to email me or find me on Insta to connect and say hello! Whatever your aspirations are, I pray you well and thank you for sticking around in my little corner of the internet!

When Fighting Doesn't HAVE to Ruin Date Night

When you are out with friends as a married couple, the LAST thing you want to happen is a fight between the two of you. I mean, no one sets out on a night away, planning to laugh and be carefree and to thoroughly enjoy being just the two of you again—and then ruining it with an argument. And I’ve written a blog post before about ‘When You Ruin Date Night,’ but this time I want to flip that scenario.

What if you fight, while on a date with friends, and even though there is still tension and some big feelings, the night doesn’t get RUINED?

This past time, it was 100% Asa’s fault. And he will be perfectly fine with me stating that. We were going out to celebrate a couple of his co-workers graduations from college and their masters program and I was so happy for them! Asa had already in his mind decided that the night was going to be just PERFECT and that I would be the cut loose and giggly / outgoing / extroverted version of myself. Well the truth is, that side of me is VERY few and far between. Thirty-four year old Ashley tends to be more quiet, more introspected, HAPPY still, just not loud or completely carefree. I tend to quietly people watch. Listen. And take the moments in as they come. We had an overnight sitter for the kids, there was zero reason we needed to have an early night in, but I had warned Asa that the later it got, the more I wanted to just get HOME. At one point I literally said, “I want to go home, wash my face, put on my charcoal mask, get in pajamas, and cuddle the dogs.” [Did I mention thirty-four year old me may be super lame??]

He kept asking me if I was okay. Repeatedly. We parked the car at our next destination on Fourth Street and I kept saying, “I’m fine.” In the PAST, me saying, “I’m fine,” didn’t always really mean that I was fine. Even in the 2019 blog post I wrote about ruining date night there’s a paragraph there about how I get quiet and shut down and stop talking when I’m angry or upset. But I wasn’t upset that evening. I wasn’t angry! And I’ve been on a low dose anxiety med for quite some time now and I swear the one thing it does for me is that it simply REGULATES me and my feelings [aka its’ JOB.] I wasn’t feeling overly adventurous or outgoing that night on this date, but I promise you I really was 100% FINE. I was content, I was happy, I was having a good time. Did I want to be in pajamas cuddling my Golden Retrievers? YEP. But I was also FINE being out with my husband.

Things escalated and he wasn’t taking my word for it. He got quite angry and exclaimed, “Well I’m not sure how we’re going to finish this night? I’ll feel like an idiot if I go in there and I’ll feel like an idiot if we just leave.” I clapped my hands together and said, “OR, Asa, we GO INSIDE and we tell the TRUTH that YEAH, we had a fight. YEAH we had a disagreement. YEAH we are frustrated with each other now, but we WILL BE OKAY.”

Everyone there was married [except one] and I was POSITIVE they would understand. Why would we abruptly leave the date and why would we just ACT like everything was hunky dory?? [You see, I wasn’t mad BEFORE this moment in the car. I really was FINE. But the more he pressed and questioned my ‘fineness’ the angrier I felt myself getting. So yeah, I was real annoyed.] It is OKAY for married people to fight. It is OKAY to admit to those in your circle around you that you ARE fighting or were fighting.

We were able to move on, move forward, and get over the silliness—WITHOUT ruining date night.

In 2019 I said,

Asa and I strive to continue having an exceptional marriage, and I am forever thankful for the patient and loving man that he is.

and on this day in 2022 I still believe every word of that sentence. Daily we strive for an exceptional marriage. I also strive to be exceptionally honest. I will always go back in my mind to the Hollis’ and their 100% dishonesty with their fans and listeners. I listened to their podcast often, where they bragged about loving to make out with one another and that they were each other’s best friends, that their marriage was strong and incredible…and then one day, Jen wrote this publicly:

"We have worked endlessly over the last three years to make this work and have come to the conclusion that it is healthier and more respectful for us to choose this as the end of our journey as a married couple.”

THREE YEARS?! Endlessly working on their marriage?? But not ONE podcast about the difficulties and struggles and fights and REALNESS about marriage. Nah, friends. I want to forever be real with you. Asa and I do NOT fight very often, I am incredibly thankful for that. But we still DO fight. Sometimes it happens on date nights, sometimes it happens in our home, sometimes it happens in Target. IT HAPPENS.

I want to end this post with a simple challenge to you, don’t strive for perfection. Strive instead to be with someone who is okay to fight with you and who can take ownership for it at the same time. Who can face friends and people and humbly carry on with the evening. Who isn’t trying to save face or have a public image that LOOKS perfect. But one who fights with you but yet loves you, chooses you, and grows from mistakes.