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This Mama's Walk Down Memory Lane: Are the Best and Most Magical Years Behind Us?

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Well I just drastically found myself walking down the rabbit hole of memory lane… I’ve been here before. In a quiet house. Nothing but the sounds of wind blowing outside, the heater kicking on, the animals snoring, and in the midst of twinkly Christmas lights. The fire is crackling and my eyes are fuzzy from the long (but blessed) day I’ve had. I remember being here because the feelings of just wanting to write have graced me once more. Those days don’t come often…I just don’t make time for it like I used to. But before I crawl into bed beside my snoozing husband, I just want to write so that I don’t forget. Or so that when I do forget…I can come back and relive some of this life.

I launched this blog in 2015. Somehow five years have come and gone, and tonight as I sat in the silence I scrolled all the way down to my very first blog posts. In the middle I paused and read about our Humphrey and Elsa passing, and my heart hurts as I now write. One of the posts I also re-read was when our kids were two and three years old…in that post I described that season as magical and beautiful and how hard it was for me that the days were so fleeting. I was convinced that THOSE would be the best years I would experience….You may judge me just a little that right now, I kind of wonder if that I was right?

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I’m not saying that I don’t love the stages that my kids are in NOW. They are seven and eight years old (HOW?!?) and oh my, you KNOW I love them each so dearly. But the last couple of years I will have these moments of aching for the days now behind us. New mamas reading this or expectant mamas…I used to want to punch people in the face when they told me to embrace the chaos that existed in those little years. How dare them tell me to EMBRACE the screaming and crying that often occurred when going out to eat or when pushing a shopping cart with each of them in it. Yet here I am…32-years old, wishing I had embraced those moments just a little bit tighter.

I did the best that I could have. You don’t know what you don’t know, especially when it comes to marriage and motherhood. You just DON’T! You excel, you succeed, you kick ass, and then often you also fail. Each day, you do the best you can with what you have, and you go to bed exhausted and you wake up wondering if you’re doing a good job. As I sit here, half way on my couch looking around our home…I miss the newborn days. I miss the toddler years. Heavens to Betsy, I actually MISS when they were each a threenager. Lately, their relationship with each other has been just plain tough. They fight. A lot. They bicker, they tattle, and I know I sound like I’m painting them into this awful corner of horrid children; that’s not my goal. And that’s not what I mean. But life lately is just different. They are so much bigger and maybe because they are only fifteen months apart, they simply struggle to merely get ALONG.

My relationship as their MOM, is different. I have noticed with Pierson especially, my sweet baby boy; he loves me now SO differently. His dad is his everything—his role model, his super hero, his biggest inspiration! And that is GREAT!! What a blessing that my kids have such a present and magnificent father! My big kid third grader sees me, his mama, a lot differently now compared to when he was tiny. Not to mention he’s more than half my height, and I can remember writing about being scared of the day when they’d each no longer fit in my arms. Well guess what? I can pick them up if I really need to, but y’all, they don’t FIT.

One of my sister in laws once told me she has loved every single stage of motherhood. I think I must have asked how she has handled them getting bigger and turning into the mini big kids that they are? And while I agree, I love every stage because I’m their MOM. I will always love them and celebrate them and I will forever cheer them on. But at the moment, I think I more so feel that this stage of motherhood kind of hurts? If I could turn back even a morsel of time, I wish we were in our old house, Jackson street near downtown Louisville—and that they would be tiny once again. Tiny enough to curl into my lap, that they needed to be rocked to sleep, that they needed ME because they didn’t yet have video games or Netflix or neighbor friends or other busy plans. Sounding selfish? Perhaps.

I want to make sure that I say this: my kids are amazing. They are beautiful and strong; they are intelligent and they love Jesus. And I KNOW they love each other…at the end of the day, they are generally asking if they can stay up late together and have sleepovers on each other’s floors. They are obedient and funny and their personalities are exploding as they figure out WHO they are. They still want ME to lie with them every single night, to tickle their backs and bellies and to sing a song or listen to one on Spotify…they hug me daily and tell me that they love me. They cheer ME on and support me on my many creative endeavors. They are GOOD kids.

Maybe it’s the twinkly lights and the silent house? Christmas is near and I often reminisce about those first few, where they were crawling or toddling around the tree. When life was crazy and chaotic, but at the same time…it felt a little simpler? It could also be the pandemic fatigue spurring on these feelings too, y’all know we can’t discount that we are TIRED people as a whole right now. I write all of this to say, no matter where your kids are in this season of life, no matter how big or small they are, no matter what YOU personally are feeling; let’s take a second (or some hours!!) and try to embrace their stages right NOW a little more. Are you up all night nursing and burping and wondering if you’ll ever sleep again? (You will.) Are you wondering how in the world your threenager is wearing you out SO damn much and anxiously awaiting for them to turn FOUR? (They will…and then they’ll turn five. And six. And seven. And eight…) See, this is a reminder for ME too…as I wonder if my seven and eight year old will ever need me again or if they’ll ever be the very best of friends. (Ashley…they will.)

Memory lane…it can be a beast to walk down can’t it? Here’s a quote I want to end on, my soul sister Jen Hatmaker said it in her book ‘Of Mess and Moxie:”

“Of course, in a hundred years, no one will remember any of us and our story will be lost in obscurity, but for us, for all these years when we were kids and then grown-ups, when you were young parents and then grandparents, this is the only story that ever mattered, and it was such a marvelous one. The best story I ever imagined.”

While I sit and remember, and as I remember the hardships and the blessings…I am incredibly thankful that this IS my story—and that I am their Mom.

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Valentine Pretzel Bites (Take Two)

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A couple of years ago we discovered this amazingly easy (and quick) Valentine’s recipe, thanks to one of my sister in laws! (Head here to see how little they were when we made them for the first time!) These Chocolate M&M Pretzel Bites are GREAT to do with kids; mine loved peeling the Hershey Kiss wrappers when they were tiny and they loved doing it again. Side note, I can’t believe they are six and seven, WHY are they so grown!?

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Okay, here’s how to make these, seriously it is so dang easy:
-Spread out a bunch of square pretzels on parchment paper on a cookie sheet
-Place unwrapped Hershey kisses on each pretzel
-Put them in a heated oven (170-degrees) for 4-5 minutes until the Kiss is SOFT, not all the way melted
-Press a M&M on each Kiss gently (I love to use the pink and white ones during Valentine’s month, but really you could do Christmas colored ones or just regular!)

I like to put the tray in the fridge for 15-20 minutes to let them get nice and cold, and then I transfer them to a freezer size Ziplock bag. We snack on these days DAYS, and they make GREAT little gifts. Recently I made two batches and took them to our teacher’s lounge at work and if you know us teachers, we LOVE to snack!!

(Fun fact, we made a batch of these and had the oven set at 200 degrees….the M&M would NOT press in to the Kiss and some of them started to crumble! Lesson learned and thank God for GOOGLE because apparently we burned the chocolate! We read that 170-degrees is a great temp, and that’s what we used for two other batches. It worked GREAT. Don’t burn your chocolate!)

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Do your kids like to bake with you or help in the kitchen? When we did this I thanked our daughter Reese and she said, “Mom, I’ll always help you. That’s why I’m your daughter.” These kids, Y’all….they bless me beyond measure and I LOVE these sweet memories we create!

PS: If you make these Pretzel Bites, find me on Facebook or Instagram (@ashley_glass on Insta) and mention me in your story or post! I would to see and connect with you there. Happy Valentine’s Day, Friends! Thanks for reading!

xox

August Happenings: It's Been a While

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Well it happened again. I went an entire season (almost) without keeping up here and regularly posting/writing. Remember when I launched this blog back in January of 2016? My goal was to have fun with it, write often, document my kids lives, track what's happening, just take NOTE...and it's just NOT happening. That being said, I am praying about getting a better grip again, and for now, I'll write when I can. 

I had babies yesterday, and they're going into kindergarten and first grade next WEEK. If you've ever had any vacation time, you know how hard it is to return back to the workplace after some time off. I've come to the conclusion that it's hard for everyone, not just me. Time off is sweet. It's refreshing and peaceful. Yet it's also crazy, filled with adventure and breaking up *tons* of sibling arguments--around the clock. (I realize now that probably doesn't sound appealing to you whatsoever, but honest to God? I wouldn't trade it.)

May 31st until August 13th, we will have been off. A long [not long enough] time that I am so super grateful for.

So here is where I want to tell you what I love about these crazy beautiful kids I'm blessed to call mine :) 

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Pierson
Six years old. Earlier this summer, he was absolutely obsessed with all things basketball. He played on his first team ever his kindergarten year, was the youngest on the team, and he finished the season like a champ. He's now in love with baseball, and daily wants to play catch with his dad. Ended kindergarten reading on an upper first grade level, kicked butt on all of his report cards, and was the kid on the highest behavior level (4) ALL school year long. His love language is gift giving, he cuddles in my arms every Sunday at church while we sing hymns, and asks me to tickle his back. His body dangles well past my knees, and it's getting to the point that I am wondering how much longer I'll be able to hold or carry him. Never, right? Promise me NEVER!! He is a good kid, a loyal kid, and I love every ounce of who he is. 

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Reese, Reesie-Cup, Reese Elisabeth, Liz, Sis:
4 years old, 5 in just one month, Heaven help me. She got her ears pierced TODAY. We went for a manicure, and had a sweet and special day together. She's turned into my biggest barn helper and sincerely loves our horse. I think her love language is words of affirmation, just like me. She is genuinely interested in hearing about people's day; how a meeting went, or the horses were, or how my ride was at the barn. She loves to learn and color and sing. She seems to be very artistically inclined and has a natural talent for memorizing lyrics. She wants to start gymnastics...so we'll see if that can happen soon. She did her first ballet classes during her preschool year, and while she ended up crying all throughout the very last class, she seemed to enjoy all the others. She is sweet, super cuddly, and doesn't know a stranger. Oh how I adore this girl!! 

This summer has been really, really great. I photographed a wedding in Wisconsin, which was one of the best experiences of my photographing career. We went camping with family at Cumberland Falls here in Kentucky. And we also had a week of staycation, where we visited my brother and his wife in Nashville; we did an overnight stay at the Omni Downtown [more coming on that, ASAP!!!!], and we took the kids to Kentucky Kingdom, the Science Center, and a 'fancy restaraunt.' Also, Paddy and I are doing well, thank you, Jesus! I still have a lot of moments where I get fearful riding him, but he is so good, and so sweet. We have learned and grown a lot in the short four months we've been together! 

What's next? Asa and I start back in the classroom August 13th. I'll have kindergarten and first graders in the morning, fourth and fifth in the afternoon (same as last year.) I'll have the same instructional assistant, which will be great, and I really love the women working on my unit with me. Asa will still be teaching self-contained EBD (emotional behavioral disabilities), and he'll get to see OUR kids daily, which has me uber jealous. What is going on in your life? What has your summer looked like? We'll never forget two summers ago when our kids were literally sick the ENTIRE summer. They had Hand Foot Mouth, Strep, the never ending stomach flu...So we've thanked God OFTEN for good health this season.

 If you've read this, thank you!! I know I am not the best at posting here and I really do want to be better. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope your summer was wonderful! 

 

Fearless, Feisty, Fabulous, FOUR

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You know it's strange, with this one, I kind of felt like she would stay three forever. Two flew by but there were weeks and months of her being three that I remember longing for her to turn another year older. Well, here we are...at 9:56pm on September 14 she came into this world with hardly two pushes. "Look out world, I'm HERE!" is what I felt like her newborn self declared. From that minute, our Reese Elisabeth-Morgan has been nothing short of fearless, feisty, fabulous and NOW, she's four! 

Today for the most part, was pretty magical. I took the day off work to celebrate her birthday and we were so excited to spend a whole day together. Asa bought cupcakes for she and I to take to her preschool to celebrate snack time with her friends. We got there a little early so I was blessed to make it to some Chapel time. Reese sat on my lap and we listened to the story of Baby Moses and the kids recited Bible verses and the Lord's Prayer. It reminded me so much of my own Christian school elementary days, and I truly felt so blessed to be a small part of that part in their day. She sat with her friends at their table, everyone enjoyed seconds, and she colored some before we left to go back home. Once we were there, I surprised her by telling her I had made her a nail salon appointment; she has gotten her nails done once before with me and she absolutely LOVED it. My sweet friend Jess at Dollface Beauty and Brows booked me a slot with her co-worker Amy, who now runs the Glossry inside the shop; an adorable mani/pedi setup! 

Beforehand, we got ourselves some hot chocolate and a hot caramel apple cider, thanks, Please and Thank you! And Reese was feeling all sorts of spoiled, as she should! I had so much fun chatting with her in the booth; we talked about what a great morning it had already been and what she wanted to do next (which was go look around different shops nearby). 

At the salon, Reese sat perfectly still and picked out a shade of pink and a second bottle of all pink glitter. Amy was so sweet and patient, listening as Reese chatted her ear off. The other ladies who came in and out of the shop complimented Reese for her beautiful curls and for how good she was being. 

And I think that's where I just want to mention that it's been a little hard for me to write this post tonight. Wait, what? Ashley, what are you doing? Okay hold on. Do any of you have a 3-year old? Or at one point HAD a 3-year old? No, Reese isn't three anymore; but technically all day today until 9:56pm she still was, right? The past year has just been really hard on me emotionally and mentally--not constantly, but her moods would come in waves, and sometimes Reese has been sweet as pie and others, she's cutting straight to your heart with words and statements you can't believe just left her mouth. Tonight for instance, after everything we did together and the money spent ON her, she looked at me and said, "I don't like you." Shortly after that, I told her that she couldn't open another birthday present in THAT moment, and she said, "You're mean." 

Didn't I just spend literally ALL day with my daughter? Spoiling her and helping her feel beautiful and loved and celebrated? I know that you're not supposed to take the words of a toddler or ANY child to heart. But sometimes that's just not possible! It felt like a slap in the face. Like everything I had just done didn't matter. That maybe, just maybe, my daughter DIDN'T like me. 

Anyway, I won't continue a giant sob fest here on the blog, and the truth is, I'm fine. The end of her fourth birthday didn't go as I had planned, there were way more tears than I ever want to remember (so why am I writing it down?!!?), and overall, my mom heart is kind of aching at the fact that my kids ARE getting bigger--they're getting older, they're turning MORE human, and I know with that, comes lots of hurtful words, calloused phrases, and tons of opportunities for growth and redemption on ALL our parts. But I also know that she DOES love me. There's really no one else that she prefers (she loves you too, dear husband, but we all know this has been the last several years!) She isn't trying to be purposefully hurtful, at least I don't think? And I know she too, is just learning what's right and wrong.

I promise we really did have a GREAT day, and the weather temperature wise was just right... before the coffee shop and nails, Reese let me take some portraits of her in a tree covered space near our house. We talked about the colorful leaves, looked at different bugs, and she made me laugh, a lot. 

And we also explored some shops downtown Louisville this afternoon, admiring things we couldn't afford and sending me into panic at several moments at the thought of her dropping something expensive (ahem, everything we saw!) It was fun to hold hands and just giggle together, and I had some sentimental visions of our probable future together. My girl loves shopping, but I think more than anything else, she loves quality time. 

Reese Elisabeth-Morgan, I do love you. And no matter what you say over the years, I promise to forever be your very best friend. You are brave, passionate, independent, and you have already in four short years, taught me SO much. While it hurts a bit to watch you and your big brother grow so quickly...please know that I will always be here. I'll always be your shoulder, your hug, your belly tickle, your lullabye, your prayer warrior, your friend, and your mom. Thank you for being you, I am so excited (and slightly terrified) to see where four leads you! 

xox
-Your Mama