Go to Bed! Except Wait...I Miss You, So Maybe Don't??

Let’s talk about bedtime. No not your bed time or mine, but when OUR kids go to bed. Its like magic once you’ve said the last goodnight, filled the last cup of water and finally… you can breathe. Let’s be honest, my husband and I eat most nights at 9 o’clock at night because we find it more relaxing to enjoy our meal when the kids aren’t around. I know, that’s sad, and fairly unhealthy. But it’s kinda our reality in this busy season. Some days we feel like we are simply SURVIVING until bedtime so that we can finally live. Oh, and when did they start in on begging us to stay up late? Don’t those tiny demons know what they are really asking? Asking me to give up the 2 hours of my day that I get to be irresponsible. Asking me to sacrifice time on my couch, in my sweats, with MY show. No Peppa Pig or stinkin’ Blimpy allowed. Don’t get me started on Blimpy. That guy has to go. (Does he remind you of modern day PeeWee, anyone??)

Our week days start at 6 am, and we give, and work, and serve them and others all day. So 15 hours later, at 9pm, when its finally still and quiet…darnet, I want it still and quiet. Sometimes I wish my husband would recognize that those two hours of quiet isn’t an invitation for sex, nah. It’s simply mommy’s personal quiet and Netflix time. (Heartland anyone??? Just me???)

Ok, in all fairness, this is a wee bit extreme. Maybe I feel this way sometimes. Most days are so long I sincerely can’t WAIT til bedtime. But it never fails, 10-15 minutes of quiet and my mom heart starts to miss them. Starts hoping they are having sweet dreams. My mom heart wants to go snuggle them, kiss them one last time. Because heck yes they are exhausting, but I’d rather be exhausted for this love than anywhere else. The other night I went in and snuggled up next to Reese while she was asleep. I wondered, a.) how creepy would it be for her to wake up and see me staring at her?? and b.) does she know HOW deeply she is loved?? I also prayed, “God, please help her to always be good. To always seek YOU. Lord… PLEASE don’t let her do the stupid shit I used to do before I found Asa.”

And THEN I wondered, “Does anyone else cuss when they pray?!?” I don’t do it REGULARLY, but let’s be real, it happens.

Anyway, I digress. Our kids are 5 and 6 years old currently. People ask if life is ‘easier’ (what does that mean??) now that they’re “older.” No, no it does not mean this. Sometimes life seemed more simple when our daughter was a newborn and our son was a toddler. Now they have opinions and REAL voices and they know how to manipulate and beg and LIE (don’t get me started on that because trust me, that’s a future blog post in of itself….) Right now we are teaching them how to read their Bibles, how to pray, how to treat each other (I feel we’ve always tried to do that…??? But it’s nooooooot working sooooooo maybe someone else should give it a try???) Our days are long. We’re tired. We balance 5 million bajillion things. Sometimes, all we want is bedtime.

Except we don’t. Being a parent might be addicting. How can you be so damn tired, wore out, frustrated, annoyed, impatient, and on the last straw a hundred times…yet, also love being needed SO incredibly much. This is life. Right here, right now. My motherhood. And I suppose it’s safe to say that I love every crazy tiring minute.

Welcome to the Family, Emma Rose

A long, long, long time ago, before human children were ever in the picture, Asa and I used to talk about maybe ‘when’ Humphrey or Elsa got 'old’ we would get a puppy to introduce him or her to them, so they could show it the ropes. The truth is though, for so long we never felt as if they were getting old, or that anything in life was ever going to really change. Flash forward a lot of years, to full time jobs, two kids, three cats, and two horses, and it stopped crossing our mind that we ever had thought about another dog.

Humphrey and Elsa have been our best friends for eleven and twelve years. When he (Humphrey) was diagnosed with a large tumor/cancer on Valentine’s Day, our world was shattered. All of a sudden it became a reality that 1. our dogs ARE old 2. they won’t be around forever.

Almost two weeks after his diagnosis, I was introduced to an amazing couple, Julie and Terry, who happen to be serious hobby breeders in Chuckey, Tennessee. Their daughter and I have been ‘Instagram Friends’ for more than five years (if I had to guess), so we have that mutual connection which is pretty cool. I’ve always thought God works in mysterious ways [so many things and pets in our life are proof of that], so when we learned about this couple who had a litter of cream colored Golden Retrievers, it just kept pressing on our heart that this was the time to say ‘yes.’ I did go back and forth several times, wondering if it made sense, but at the end of the day we decided we would more than likely be a two dog family for a very long time, and while we cannot predict Humphrey’s time left on earth, we know it will not be a lot (or nearly enough) longer. We wanted to bring home another family member, have him or her meet Humphrey and learn to love him, and we ultimately decided that this could be a good way to help our kids (and us) cope maybe even a fraction of a bit better…

Enter Emma.

I spoke with Julie on the phone a couple of nights before making the trip. We spoke almost an hour and got to know one another a little better. She demonstrated a lot of patience and grace as I asked her as silly question as, “Do you know how these puppies travel?” Our Humphrey whimpers and barks anytime he gets into the car and will rarely stop the entire trip, no matter how long—so ideally, I was looking for a dog who exhibited more calm during transport. As we live in Louisville, the ride to their property is 4.5 hours; we made a fun family trip of it and stayed one night in a hotel, where the kids were thrilled to swim in a pool. We knew they had three puppies left from the litter of six we were choosing from: two girls and one boy. My heart pulled for a girl as soon as we knew this was an official go, probably because my childhood dogs were female and Elsa, my 11 year old Golden Girl. Pierson, our son, on the other hand, had it made in his mind that we would get the boy, because Humphrey is a boy. We arrived in Tennessee, and were greeted with friendly barks from the adult Goldens in their nice run-in. The first thing we noticed was how magnificent they ALL were; seriously just utter beauty! Terry and Julie welcomed us into their home and I immediately felt at peace. They gave us coffee and soon brought out the puppies! Have you ever been in the midst of small, fluffy Goldens before?! It brought me back to when I sat on the floor of Elsa’s brothers and sisters (she was 1 of 14!!!) and I thought, “How did I ever choose back then!?” And trust me, I chose SO RIGHT with Elsa because she is the sweetest, quietest, easiest and friendliest girl. Here I was, eleven years later, getting to do it all over again!

Asa was drawn to the male right off the bat. ‘Mr. Brown’ was his collar name, and he was bigger than the girls. Sam, their dad, is very stately and striking!! (These photos below are from Terry, taken of magnificent Sam!)

We held all of them and took turns passing them around, kissing their fluffy heads and watching our children’s reactions. I just couldn’t help but to fall very quickly in love with ‘Miss Red.’ Her eyes reminded me SO much of our Elsa’s, and the way she just flopped in my lap and let me love on her as if she was a little rag doll…my heart was drawn to her immediately. Their mama, Ellie, is what Julie describes as a lamb: completely gentle in spirit and so so calm. We met her and she truly IS all of that. She was so personable and quiet, gentle as she greeted us. We were completely smitten with each of her parents!

Asa kept telling me, “It’s up to you 100%. I really am great with whichever puppy you choose.” We paused for a little while to eat lunch, and to mingle with two of Terry and Julie’s daughters (they are THE sweetest and coolest family, Y’all—truly!!) The kids were starting to get a little impatient and asked, “Mom! Which one do you think we should get?!” Asa and I got the chance to be with the three puppies, all by ourselves, and it was then that I knew. I grabbed Miss Red and put her in my lap, kissed the top of her head and said, “Oh I love you.” I set her down and picked up Mr. Brown, kissing him as well and I paused, “I know I CAN love you,” I told him. Isn’t that crazy how our hearts can make decisions?! There was absolutely nothing WRONG with Mr. Brown OR their sister Miss Maroon, all three puppies were adorable, friendly, and calm as can be. Needless to say…Miss Red it was, and our kids were just so thrilled to be getting their first ever very own PUPPY.

I want to take just a moment to come back to Terry and Julie. This is a couple who has raised eight talented and Christ loving children. The second I was in their presence, I knew that this was a God thing. Calm, gentle, gracious, patient, loving, and trustworthy are just a few characteristics that come to mind when I think about BOTH of them. They have taken time to answer any and all of my questions, were SO patient as we tried to figure out which pup to choose, and they loved on our children/created such a welcoming environment.

Emma is now nine weeks old as I write this. She just played with a puppy pal for almost two hours, and she is now happily snoozing in her crate beside me in our bedroom. The entire drive home, she was silent. She was passed back and forth between our two excited children, and then we even made a pitstop at Petsmart, where she was also quiet as a mouse. She is a girl who loves to snuggle, and when picked up, she nestles deep into the crook of your neck. She willingly will be flopped on her back to have her belly rubbed, and everyone who meets her asks, “Is she always this docile?”

Our dogs did shockingly well with her the second she walked in our door with us, and while they don’t run and romp with her like they would have done in their younger years…they have accepted her. Today Humphrey chewed on a bone and Emma sat beside him, licking the top of his head. I can see it in her face, she looks up to them, and I could never have fathomed THIS sweetness being part of our story. I’ve been told, “You’re crazy, Girl,” on more than one occasion for owning the zoo of pets that I do, however, I know that this time is fleeting. Our Humphrey is twelve, Elsa is eleven. They are at the top of their life expectancies and every single day that I get left with them, I am praising their Creator FOR those moments and memories. Emma will never replace either of them, but I do believe she is now part of their legacy, and that even SHE feels blessed to know and be loved by them.

I have always been partial to Golden Retrievers, blame it on Full House ;) And while I never really imagined that we would own another so soon, I am SO thankful that we do. Emma is smart, loving, and I know she is going to be a wonderful dog. We hope to get her going as a therapy dog, which would be cool because quite a few of Terry and Julie’s dogs from Cold Spring Mountain Retrievers are service dogs in many ways! I want to share a little bit about their Kennel with you, so here ya go:

Our family loved the Lord of the ring series.  Two of our favorite characters were Samwise Gamgee and Rosie, his girlfriend, in this series. We did our research and purchased great bloodlines, to start our breeding program in 2013. We decided to name the first two dogs Sam and Rosie. Since then we have added more dogs to our program and most of them live in Guardian homes.  We have found great families who have the dogs in their care.  This is a wonderful arrangement for the family and the dogs.  The family gets a great dog, at no cost, and the dog gets to live in a home with a wonderful family. We simply use the dog for breeding and eventually when retired, the dog stays with the family. Our goal has always been and continues to be to place happy healthy puppies in wonderful homes. Over the years we have placed many puppies in homes and we are thankful to have many referrals.  Often our puppies are sold before they are born. Some of our dogs are trained service dogs but most of them are family pets. Our service to families is for the life of their new best friend.

That photo is from Terry, who is a pretty talented photographer, and yep, you better believe that view is just out their back door! Many of their customers make a mini vacation to pick up their puppy, which obviously I HIGHLY recommend! You could hit the Smokies and scenic North Carolina and the Blue Ridge Mountains! If you are EVER looking for a Golden Retriever puppy, I sincerely want you to first remember Cold Spring Mountain Retrievers. Heck…even if you AREN’T looking for a puppy, because let’s face it, you don’t necessarily have to be searching in order for it to be right.

Stop the Body Shaming, Your Kids are Listening

My husband and I from the beginning of our kids’ lives, promised we would never body-shame ourselves in front of or near them. This was and is something we are extremely passionate about, simply because we realize the detriment it can cause on children, and how it can greatly shape their adult lives.

Especially the F word, and no, Y’all, not the four letter one; the three letter one.

F-A-T

It’s not something we ever say about ANYONE, and we have worked hard to give our kids a healthy understanding of that word. The word itself, fat, is not neccesarily a bad word, unless used in a derogatory way against or about a person. I haven’t been one who has struggled with weight problems, but trust me, I have plenty of other critiques that I have about and against my appearance. For instance, recently I have been experiencing super puffy under-eyes. They’ve been more prone to swelling, to my eyelids drooping more than usual, and I have often looked completely sleep deprived and exhausted because of that, even though I am not. I think allergies have had a huge part in that, among I’m sure, other things (ahem, like being 30, and my skin just changing as I age!) I just experienced a huge slap in the face and broken heart over the fact that I have been WAY too verbal about my dislike regarding my eyes…………….

Reese went into the bathroom to brush her teeth, and her Dad was with her. Stepping onto the stool to rinse her brush, she peered into the mirror. We heard her say, “I don’t like this light in here. I don’t like seeing my freckles.

I’M SORRY……WHAT?!?!?

Asa and I looked at each other in disbelief. “Reese Elisabeth,” we said. “Your freckles are BEAUTIFUL! YOU are beautiful. God made your freckles and you are pretty special because of that.”

My husband sent me a private text message, so that she couldn’t hear what was said. “I wonder where she heard that…” he sent. At first, I was kind of annoyed and upset by it, but the truth is, I was ashamed. Just the other day I stood in that same bathroom and told Asa that I couldn’t stand the light in there (he had switched the light bulbs) because I hated how my eyes looked. I had no idea Reese was anywhere around, I thought she was downstairs at the time. But if I’m being honest, I don’t know if I would have censored that sentence because to me it didn’t really feel ‘body image’ related. But it was!!

As I tucked Reese into bed that night, I asked her if she had ever heard Mommy talk meanly about herself. “Yeah,” she said. And then she literally grabbed my face with her two hands to say, “I heard you say you didn’t like your eyes when they were swollen.” She continued down a rabbit hole after that, and none of what she said afterward really pertained to that question, but there it was: she had overheard her Mommy talking meanly about herself.

I paused her and took her hands. “Reesie, I am so sorry I said that. The truth is, I don’t like it when my eyes are swollen or puffy, because that’s not how they normally look. But honey, I love myself because God made me, and HE loves me. He doesn’t like it when I say something mean about the way that I look, because He is the one who created me.” I then told her that God made HER too. And that I hope and pray that she always loves herself—her freckles, her eyes, her hair color. I hope that she has confidence in how strong she is, brave, smart, and talented too. Really, Y’all, my heart just felt sad.

Your kids?Or your friends’ kids?! They are LISTENING. Even if they aren’t close by, they can hear you. They are WATCHING how you look at yourself in a mirror. Or if you avoid the mirror completely. They notice that. They are also listening to how you speak to other adults ABOUT yourself.

Your conversations are no longer JUST your conversations.

You are in charge of raising tiny little people who will grow up someday to be big people, and more likely than not, mothers and fathers themselves.

What are you saying? Are you talking about your weight or how fat you are? Do you openly talk about how unsatisfied you are with the number on the scale, or how you need to workout to look better? Fitness is not a negative thing. I am not saying it’s wrong to strive to lose weight or to be in better shape—but I do think it is important how you word it. “Mommy goes to the gym to be STRONG, Baby. I want to be healthy and to have a healthy heart and body!” When Asa and I want to get in better shape, we work hard. We run on the treadmill, lift weights, walk around the neighborhood; and our kids watch us. Pierson loves to work out with his Dad and is constantly trying to be “strong like Dad.” Reese will dance to music in the room I am in while I run on the treadmill. She will yell, “Good job, Mom!” as I go.

So I’ve realized…we may air on the side of caution REALLY well when it comes to fitness goals and being healthy, however, I do NOT love myself well enough in front of my kids when it comes down to overall appearance. I was always the kid with acne. Bright red, painful acne. Mirrors were ALWAYS hard for me and truthfully, still to this day they are. I don’t struggle with acne as MUCH or in the same capacity, but I still don’t love looking at myself. Did you know I get ready in the dark 1.) because I hate bright light in the morning but 2.) because I literally don’t like looking at myself in the mirror after I have first woken up?

What does that teach my daughter? My son?

Sisters and friends, we can do better. We SHOULD do better. I talked on my Instagram stories recently and asked my lady friends for some advice, on how they hope to instill positive self-love in their children/future children. I had so many great direct messages and responses, and I wanted to share a few of them with you here. Click the photo to check out their social media accounts!

7 Things We Tell Our Kids [and need to be living by]

We find ourselves droning on every single day, telling our kids the same things. Often, we are inside our heads thinking “This is such good advice, how come they aren’t listening”? The truth is that WE are not even listening. These are the things we tell our children, that TRUTHFULLY we as their parents, adults, need to be living out better ourselves.

Treat Each Other the Way YOU Want to be Treated! 

The Golden Rule, seems so easy right? Except it’s not. If I’m being honest, I’m really selfish. I want back massages, and coffee in bed. I want free time to focus on me and what I want, away from the kids and obligation. I want good gifts, not cheap ones. I want people to speak kindly to me, and tell me that I’m doing a good job. But am I doing that for those around me? Am I really looking at my wife, kids, coworkers and friends and treating them how I want to be treated? The world would be such a different place if even a few of us actually lived this.

Slow down, speak clearly, I can’t understand you!

Kids babble, and get so excited words start to get jumbled. They so often get frustrated because they’re so worked up, they can’t communicate simple things. Isn’t that true for us too? Especially when I’m mad. Don’t I just spout off statements and remarks without really pausing to think about what I’m communicating? I can’t count the number of times I have irrationally spoken without clarity and caused more harm than good. Or been frustrated that there was a miscommunication. Truthfully, I should be slower to speak, quicker to listen.

Did you remember to wash your pits?

Teaching the kids to bathe properly is frustrating, but liberating. We are nearly at the point of independent showers and baths. GAME CHANGER! But this is both practical, and metaphorical for us. We can have some things hiding inside of us that really stink. We need to wash clean those pits, those stinky parts. Because no manner or perfume can cover up the smell. 

 Calm Down and Focus on the Problem

Every single day, multiple times a day, my kids lose their proverbial ISH over THE dumbest things. Recently my daughter went into a screaming temper tantrum because she couldn’t buckle her seat belt. She belligerently screamed, cried and flailed about. Once I got her quiet, I said “Calm down and focus on the problem.” Low and behold, with a level calm head she got her seat belt on. But how often do I fly into anxiety and stress, even anger and rage when stuff doesn’t go my way? I let the circumstance of the moment overwhelm me. If I could just remember, calm down, focus on the problem, how would MY life change? What can I do right now to fix this? What do I need help with? What do I need to let go of?

What did you learn?

Kids make mistakes. It’s what they’re really good at. They drop things, spill things, mess up on their homework, back talk their parents, hit each other, you name it. Every time they mess up we ask them “What did you learn?” This allows them to see what went wrong, and how next time they can do it different. If we don’t stop and look at our mistakes, really examine what it is that steered us in the wrong direction, we won’t learn how to avoid it next time. Mistakes happen, but we need to learn from them!

Would you like to try that again?

Do overs. We all need them. We all need to extend the same grace to those around us. And allow ourselves the chance for a do over. Accept that you aren’t perfect, it’s ok.

Enough Screens, GO PLAY!

Do iPads come in handy? Of course they do. How often have I been in mid meltdown when I’ve yelled, “YES! Fine! You can get your iPad!!” [I don’t truthfully want to admit how many times, so hush.] I’m also the first to admit that technology isn’t the root of all evil, nor does it have to be bad at all. Both of our kids use a LOT of educational apps and have excelled in reading because of that. But it literally drives me insane sometimes that it’s the #1 consistent thing that they want to do. Pierson is in a phase where he will play basketball, and he’ll play for quite a long time which is GREAT. But then he’ll say, “Can I do my iPad?” instead of playing with the gazillion toys that he has. “I don’t have anything to do,” Reese will say. Or, “I’m bored.” As their mom who has actively been a part of making sure that they have PLENTY to do, there is zero reason whatsoever for either child to be bored. Ever. The screen is the first thing they gravitate towards, but isn’t it the same for us? Perhaps even for you? We were just talking about how we want to get a REAL alarm clock for our bedroom again and charge our phones elsewhere. For so long, they have been what we look at last before we fall asleep. Moderation would be better.

Love, (mostly Asa) ;)