Life Lately as a Horsewoman: Still Trusting

I’M IN A FUNK.

You’ve been there I’m sure. When you have a lot of things going on mentally and it’s all filling up your head space, and you are consumed by what ifs, questions, and the worry of unknowns?

I’ve never been diagnosed with depression or anxiety or anything for that matter, but I know for a fact I struggle with anxiety—especially when circumstances arise that are out of my control. This week I have worried about our dog’s toenail healing properly, personal family matters, and my horse, Paddy. Lately what I think about 90% of the time, is worrying about and for Paddy. (I also realize that my largest concerns are with our animals, so actually having a ZOO may not be the BEST for my life? Buuuuut that’s my reality, so on we go.)

I started a blog post LAST August that I actually never published. In that post I was so worried because Paddy at that point was exhibiting stallion like behavior (I.e. charging at us and kicking my husband), and we knew we were going to have to move him to my trainer’s farm. I remember last summer worrying that I wouldn’t ever be able to ride him without fear, and it absolutely amazes me that this summer is completely different. Not to mention he is back to his normal self at my trainer’s, happy as a clam with other geldings, and he’s had ZERO behavior issues! I hopped on him the other day and rode him down the long driveway; no other horse to accompany him, and NO fear was to be had on my end. Once I got him in the arena though, I tried to trot him and realized something ELSE: he just isn’t fun for me to ride.

I feel so cold saying that out loud, but it’s the truth. There is something wrong in his hind end, and there are a ton of things that it “could” be. He has been working with my trainer for over a year now, and he just isn’t making any improvement as far as moving forward and using his body. EPM is the first worry, and there are SO many expenses to consider when diagnosing and treating. Maybe he needs a chiropractor and there’s something slipped in regards to a disc or something (completely a GUESS). Maybe he’s hurting and I don’t know it and he needs injections somewhere like hocks or stifles. (MORE MONEY.) There’s a lot. When he trots he feels like his backend is left 50 feet behind, and it is so hard to get into a smooth posting trot; it’s just not fun. He does fine at the walk, and yesterday when riding with a friend, she said, “He would make a great trail horse!” And maybe he would?! We’ve never tried him on trails, but maybe that’s actually something he would enjoy. Maybe I’ve had it all wrong from the beginning and my expectations have just been too high. And maybe somehow and some way, the Vet who is coming out on Thursday can help me find actual SOLID answers, and he WILL become a comfortable mount to ride. But maybe not.

All the while, expenses add up, and we continue to do the guessing game. I often wonder, “Will I be able to afford board this month” and spending money monthly on a horse to ride who I don’t really enjoy riding; does that even make sense? I LOVE Paddy. Genuinely I have more of an emotional connection with Paddy than I probably will ANY horse, because he is my first horse. I wanted one since I was in kindergarten and well, he just happened! From that unpublished blog post, I had written this:

As I have written, I've hesitated to be honest. You see, I am very much a people pleaser and I have always cared (too much) about what others are thinking--especially the ones I look up to. My wonderful friend Lauren recently said this: "Ashley, there is NO point in even allowing yourself to think that Paddy should have gone to someone more experienced, or that you should have gotten an older/more experienced horse. That is pointless, because it is what it is. You have Paddy, and he is part of your story." He has been with us for almost five months, and a LOT has happened in such a short amount of time. Paddy is my heart, and he always will be. And I am praying that instead of claiming this as a failure, I can continue to peacefully turn the pages of our book and patiently await the ones to come.

It’s now been a year and three months and while it is upsetting to me that I still don’t KNOW, it’s clear to me that God is STILL saying, “Just trust.” The biggest thing I have struggled with on this journey has been patience, trust, and faith. I’m 99% sure it’s not horses that stress you out, but if you ARE a horse person reading this, you may have been there and can relate. And if you’re not, I’m sure there are other areas that you struggle with, and relinquishing control of the unknown is equally as trying.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

“Be still and know that I am God.” -Psalm 46:10

My prayer? My prayer is that if I am not Paddy’s forever person, the Lord Himself would bring him or her to my attention. Ultimately, His will be done; that goes for our future as a whole. Maybe God wants us to have land and our own horses on our hypothetical someday land, and maybe He doesn’t? Maybe I’ll be a teacher for thirty years and retire as one, maybe I won’t? I can try to line up all my ducks in a row and try to live my life exactly as I personally think it should be, but at the end of the day, my Creator knows.

Getaway for a Spectacular Weekend in French Lick

This post is sponsored by Visit Indiana and French Lick Resort, but all thoughts and opinions are my own!

Praise the Lord, it is our summer vacation!! My family and I were counting down the days until our summer could begin and finally, it is here! It was so fun to surprise the kids with a mini getaway the weekend that their school let out. We had heard GREAT things about French Lick Resort, and my husband and I are so glad we got to experience it for ourselves.

First off, for such a short drive from Louisville, it really feels like you’re ‘getting away.’ Not really an interstate close by, but two lane state roads wind you through beautiful country side. Then you pull into French Lick and there are these two MASSIVE resorts. They are historic, stately and offer such truly beautiful architecture and exploration. We pulled up and low and behold…FREE VALET. Sorry, but we aren’t typically fancy enough to have someone else park our car. That’s really a great way to start any vacation, someone willing to do mundane tasks for you. They even brought the luggage to our room free of charge as well!

We stayed at French Lick’s sister hotel West Baden Springs Hotel. You walk through a giant atrium to get to the hotel lobby, and oh my goodness, y’all—it’s magical. All of the beautiful natural light pours through, and when you stop and look straight up to the top, you can’t help being completely in awe at such a spectacular building. (I’m also blown away by whoever constructed it because holy heights, that would be kind of terrifying.)

Admittedly, French Lick is a small town, but for our weekend getaway it was perfect. Plenty of restaurants to choose from, games and activities for the kids, and the resorts have PLENTY of swimming options both indoor and out. The food at Ballard’s in West Baden, the charming train that will shuttle you back and forth between the resorts, bowling alleys, all of it was just super charming and relaxing. (PS, when you go and ride the train hopefully Todd is your conductor, he was MADE for this. Such a sweet and kind gentleman to everyone he gave rides too. He even gave our kids wooden train whistles, which I now have a love/hate relationship with; but regardless, sweet gesture!)

Outside of the resorts there were plenty of places to eat, shops to look through, and fun activities for everyone to enjoy. I recommend 33 Brick Street, which is where we had dinner one of our nights. Its a casual sports bar filled with cool memorabilia. Apparently I’m lame because I don’t really know who Larry bird is, but he has lots of things on display there!! We also enjoyed Pluto’s Pizzeria, which is where we bowled and ate pizza—a really fun experience and activity for our kids who are five and seven! For breakfast both days we went to the Grand Colonnade Restaurant Buffet. Saturday morning I had some girl time with my daughter; my husband drove our son to his basketball tournament back in Louisville (dedicated sports dad!) and she and I went to breakfast and explored some of the shops.

Big Splash Adventure is minutes down the road from the hotel, and a great activity for families who visit! It is a 40,000 square foot INDOOR water park, but get this—it has a retractable roof! All year round you all can enjoy this destination for some great family fun! Just outside of town there is Wilstem Ranch. There you can actually meet giraffes and elephants, and there is also zip lining and horseback riding here. The ranch is just ten minutes from Paoli and French Lick.

You all know me and my obsession with horses, right? We obviously had to check out the Stables at West Baden, which has trail rides available. (The minimum age requirement to ride though was eight, so we didn’t do a trail ride since our kids were too young; however, you know we cuddled them and got to know some of the staff, which in my mind, was pretty much just as awesome.) The staff there were super friendly! I’d highly recommend snuggling with the horses (and going for a ride, haha!)

We spent one of the afternoons at the pools, West Baden Springs has a great indoor and outdoor facility. It was sprinkling when we started, but the weather held off and we were able to enjoy a good couple of hours in the water!

French Lick truly was a GREAT weekend getaway place. Not far from home, but far enough away that life and responsibilities just slow down—and rest and laughter become the two most important things to take care of. I’ve heard from several friends that the decorations they put up at Christmas time are unreal, so my family will definitely be going back! Thank you, French Lick Resort for hosting our family this weekend, what an incredible place it is.