Seeing Them, and Being Seen BY Them

“Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity.” -Simone Weil

“See me, Mom? Mommy did you see? Mom, did you SEE?” I remember our kids saying that, often. It was also “Watch, Mom, watch. Mommy, watch me!” While they still ask that sometimes, it is very rare! One is turning eleven in ONE month, the other is nine. Today’s church lesson was such a good reminder and conviction that though my kids are growing and not necessarily asking to be seen, giving them each attention is one of the best things that I can and will do for them.

The pastor today mentioned how allowing our kids to use the gifts God gave them, instead of forcing our own opinions and ‘should do’s’ on them, is going to be life changing. I wonder what paths they will walk. What colleges they will choose. What their first jobs will be. Who will they marry? Will they want kids, have kids, be able to have kids? What careers will they be in, what will their hobbies be, what will they remember?

I want my kids to be seen by me. At the end of their busiest, hardest, saddest, most exciting, most exhilarating, most trying days…to know that I am theirs.

I woke today with a hand typed letter from my son and a homemade card from my daughter. Both cards read so uniquely and vastly differently from each other’s, and both made me feel SO loved and so cherished. My son and my daughter are very different from one another—it is fascinating and humbling to watch their lives unfold before me.

I want to share parts from each’s here.

My son’s first:

“…don’t let me or anyone else say you are small. If anyone says that, they do not know what they are talking about. You’ve fallen off horses, gone to the hospital, you have MS, there are so many things that not even the tallest person in the world could handle, but YOU can. Sometimes I don’t recognize how much you do…I want you to never feel like I don’t see you what you do. I don’t think there will be enough paper in the world to write to you how grateful I truly am…..”

And my sweet girl’s:

…”thank you for helping me get cozy in my bed! It helped me a lot. I love that you hold my hand every night! Thank. you for teaching me to ride a horse! I love you so much! I can’t believe this is your 10th Mother’s Day! I use exclamation points so much…”

Pierson’s notes remind me of me when I was his age and how I would leave notes on MY mom’s pillow at bedtime. And Reese’s just makes me genuinely laugh because 1) I use exclamation points a lOT, and 2) I could only aspire to be as carefree as she is! I can see both of my kid’s love languages within their handwritten notes to me for today…my son is so much words of affirmation and my daughter’s is quality time. I see that. I know that. I confidently stand by that they’ve been this way since they were toddlers and first figuring out how to be individual people.

Lastly I wanted to share a blurb about husbands. Have you heard or seen the quote, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother?” Henry Ward Beecher said that and I wanted to take a second to praise and love on my husband here. Today he wrote in a handwritten letter:

“In 2011 when we agreed it was time for a baby, we had no idea. In each season we have struggled and thrived as parents. Not because either of us is GREAT at it, but because we have each other. You are the calm to my loud…the gentle to my strength. The tenderness to my rough. The listening ear to my problem solving. My pause to my go…YOU complete this family. There were a million reasons we were and weren’t ready, but whether we were ready or not, YOU were the only reason I needed to say yes. You are ALL of my reasons.”

Life is short, it is tough, and it is fleeting. It was yesterday I was holding a newborn in my arms, and today I have two almost adolescents. Yesterday I was twenty years old and walking down the aisle, and today it has been almost fifteen years that I said I Do.

I see my people. Every ounce of me sees, hears, feels, and senses them. It is like I have a hundred hearts walking around outside of my chest, simply from being loved by THEM. May I always find the attention. May I always seek to love them more. May THEY always be seen by ME.

Homemade Baked Mac n' Cheese, Yes, Please!

Reese is definitely a mac n’ cheese gal but let’s face it…who doesn’t love it? Asa has made his from scratch for a long time and it’s a huge hit at family functions and get togethers, but for this dish he found a new recipe that is absolutely to die for!

We worked with Kroger and the campaign was for a Southern Comfort meal. This dinner hit the SPOT for that comfort food deliciousness, so much so that I may have eaten directly out of the tray once I cleaned my plate. Oh my word, Ashley… that’s embarrassing.

Okay, want the recipe?? I expect this to be on your family’s weekend menu and I want to know how you like it! This dish was inspired by Mom On Timeout’s blog post, so I cannot take the credit, she totally deserves it all! :)

PS: we were in an airbnb when we made this dish, as our home was still being fixed up. Hence the reason for the disposable tray and a room you may not recognize at the bottom of this post ;)

Ingredients:

• 16 oz elbow macaroni, cooked (or other tubular pasta)

• 1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

• 6 tbsp unsalted butter

• 1/3 cup all purpose flour

• 3 cups whole milk

• 1 cup heavy whipping cream

• 4 cups sharp cheddar cheese shredded

• 2 cups Gruyere cheese shredded

• salt and pepper to taste

• 1 1/2 cups panko crumbs

• 4 tbsp butter melted

• 1/2 cup Parmesan cheese shredded

• 1/4 tsp smoked paprika (or regular paprika)

Instructions:

• Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease a large 3 qt or 4 qt baking dish and set aside.Combine shredded cheeses in a large bowl and set aside.

• Cook the pasta one minute shy of al dente according to the package instructions. Remove from heat, drain, and place in a large bowl.

• Drizzle pasta with olive oil and stir to coat pasta. Set aside to cool while preparing cheese sauce.

• Melt butter in a deep saucepan, dutch oven, or stock pot.

• Whisk in flour over medium heat and continue whisking for about 1 minute until bubbly and golden.

• Gradually whisk in the milk and heavy cream until nice and smooth. Continue whisking until you see bubbles on the surface and then continue cooking and whisking for another 2 minutes. Whisk in salt and pepper.

• Add two cups of shredded cheese and whisk until smooth. Add another two cups of shredded cheese and continue whisking until creamy and smooth. Sauce should be nice and thick.

• Stir in the cooled pasta until combined and pasta is fully coated with the cheese sauce.

• Pour half of the mac and cheese into the prepared baking dish. Top with remaining 2 cups of shredded cheese and then the remaining mac and cheese.

• In a small bowl, combine panko crumbs, Parmesan cheese, melted butter and paprika. Sprinkle over the top and bake until bubbly and golden brown, about 30 minutes. Serve immediately.

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A few tips from her blog that we also can’t emphasize enough:

Use block cheese and shred, do NOT buy the pre-shredded cheese. Yes, shredded cheese is so easy and serves so many purposes in homemade meals…but NOT for this! It is coated and will not melt properly. You need to shred it yourself for the best result.

Also—cook your pasta to slightly less than al dente, about one minute shy is great. The reason is that this is baked mac and cheese so the pasta will continue to cook in the homemade cheese sauce in the oven. Nobody likes soggy macaroni!

This mac and cheese recipe starts with a roux. The roux is crucial for getting the creamiest cheese sauce ever! Here is what you need to look for:

• The roux (equal parts butter and flour) is whisked together until bubbly and golden.

• Whisk in cold milk – not warm – to prevent the flour from clumping.

• Cook the roux until you see bubbles on the surface and then continue cooking for an additional 2 minutes before adding the cheese.

For an extra bang of flavor, add Parmesan to the Panko topping – cheese upon cheese upon cheese upon cheese. Always and forever, amen. What are you waiting for? Order your groceries, add these items, and get cooking! Comment here when you’ve tried it, I wanna know what you’d rate this!

Life Lately as a Horsewoman: Still Trusting

I’M IN A FUNK.

You’ve been there I’m sure. When you have a lot of things going on mentally and it’s all filling up your head space, and you are consumed by what ifs, questions, and the worry of unknowns?

I’ve never been diagnosed with depression or anxiety or anything for that matter, but I know for a fact I struggle with anxiety—especially when circumstances arise that are out of my control. This week I have worried about our dog’s toenail healing properly, personal family matters, and my horse, Paddy. Lately what I think about 90% of the time, is worrying about and for Paddy. (I also realize that my largest concerns are with our animals, so actually having a ZOO may not be the BEST for my life? Buuuuut that’s my reality, so on we go.)

I started a blog post LAST August that I actually never published. In that post I was so worried because Paddy at that point was exhibiting stallion like behavior (I.e. charging at us and kicking my husband), and we knew we were going to have to move him to my trainer’s farm. I remember last summer worrying that I wouldn’t ever be able to ride him without fear, and it absolutely amazes me that this summer is completely different. Not to mention he is back to his normal self at my trainer’s, happy as a clam with other geldings, and he’s had ZERO behavior issues! I hopped on him the other day and rode him down the long driveway; no other horse to accompany him, and NO fear was to be had on my end. Once I got him in the arena though, I tried to trot him and realized something ELSE: he just isn’t fun for me to ride.

I feel so cold saying that out loud, but it’s the truth. There is something wrong in his hind end, and there are a ton of things that it “could” be. He has been working with my trainer for over a year now, and he just isn’t making any improvement as far as moving forward and using his body. EPM is the first worry, and there are SO many expenses to consider when diagnosing and treating. Maybe he needs a chiropractor and there’s something slipped in regards to a disc or something (completely a GUESS). Maybe he’s hurting and I don’t know it and he needs injections somewhere like hocks or stifles. (MORE MONEY.) There’s a lot. When he trots he feels like his backend is left 50 feet behind, and it is so hard to get into a smooth posting trot; it’s just not fun. He does fine at the walk, and yesterday when riding with a friend, she said, “He would make a great trail horse!” And maybe he would?! We’ve never tried him on trails, but maybe that’s actually something he would enjoy. Maybe I’ve had it all wrong from the beginning and my expectations have just been too high. And maybe somehow and some way, the Vet who is coming out on Thursday can help me find actual SOLID answers, and he WILL become a comfortable mount to ride. But maybe not.

All the while, expenses add up, and we continue to do the guessing game. I often wonder, “Will I be able to afford board this month” and spending money monthly on a horse to ride who I don’t really enjoy riding; does that even make sense? I LOVE Paddy. Genuinely I have more of an emotional connection with Paddy than I probably will ANY horse, because he is my first horse. I wanted one since I was in kindergarten and well, he just happened! From that unpublished blog post, I had written this:

As I have written, I've hesitated to be honest. You see, I am very much a people pleaser and I have always cared (too much) about what others are thinking--especially the ones I look up to. My wonderful friend Lauren recently said this: "Ashley, there is NO point in even allowing yourself to think that Paddy should have gone to someone more experienced, or that you should have gotten an older/more experienced horse. That is pointless, because it is what it is. You have Paddy, and he is part of your story." He has been with us for almost five months, and a LOT has happened in such a short amount of time. Paddy is my heart, and he always will be. And I am praying that instead of claiming this as a failure, I can continue to peacefully turn the pages of our book and patiently await the ones to come.

It’s now been a year and three months and while it is upsetting to me that I still don’t KNOW, it’s clear to me that God is STILL saying, “Just trust.” The biggest thing I have struggled with on this journey has been patience, trust, and faith. I’m 99% sure it’s not horses that stress you out, but if you ARE a horse person reading this, you may have been there and can relate. And if you’re not, I’m sure there are other areas that you struggle with, and relinquishing control of the unknown is equally as trying.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” -Jeremiah 29:11

“Be still and know that I am God.” -Psalm 46:10

My prayer? My prayer is that if I am not Paddy’s forever person, the Lord Himself would bring him or her to my attention. Ultimately, His will be done; that goes for our future as a whole. Maybe God wants us to have land and our own horses on our hypothetical someday land, and maybe He doesn’t? Maybe I’ll be a teacher for thirty years and retire as one, maybe I won’t? I can try to line up all my ducks in a row and try to live my life exactly as I personally think it should be, but at the end of the day, my Creator knows.

Perfect for Couples AND Kids: an Omni Staycation!

Hey, Y'all! So I'm sure you have heard about the Omni opening a SWEET and brand new location downtown Louisville (please tell me you have!) My husband and I had the time of our lives celebrating my 30th birthday there this past March, and we knew that we would have to come back--this time with the kids! [In case you missed that post, you can check it out here]. 

Summer days are literally the best, but let's face it, they can also feel long. Being a teacher and having all summer off with my kids is an absolute blessing, and it's yet not without challenges. It is really amazing getting so much extra time with my son and daughter; playing with them, teaching them and loving the heck out of them. But by mid summer, both my husband (who is a teacher too) found it kind of exhausting trying to find fun and engaging things to do every single day. (There are only so many trips to the zoo and the dollar spot at Target a mom can make.) When the opportunity to stay at the Omni again arose, I JUMPED at the chance! 

The Omni Louisville is only about 20 minutes or so from our house, so for us this was the perfect staycation. Especially since our annual summer trip to the Gulf fell through, our kids were ecstatic to learn that they were now going to stay at the hotel "with the pool on the roof." (ps: it kind of amazed me at how resilient our kids were when they did learn about the beach trip falling through. It's neat that they stayed happy and thankful through the other fun things we planned for our now Staycation, such as this very special trip to the Omni!)

When we arrived with the kids, they were in complete awe of the hotel. This place was unlike any hotel they’ve ever stayed in, or even seen. The art, the architecture, every inch seemed to captivate their attention and excite them. We literally did some sight seeing in the lobby and ground floor before ever making it to the room. (In case you didn't know, escalators can equate to endless fun for Littles).

Speaking of the room…OH MY WORD. Y'ALL!! It was incredible. The views, the finishes, the space, all of it! We walked in the door not expecting the spacious and seemingly endless floor plan. Or the breathtaking bathroom that I believe was larger than our kids bedrooms...! Scroll slowly through these pictures, and the second you can see for yourself by booking a stay at the Omni, I promise you will not be dissapointed! 

Even though I’m fairly certain my husband could have just stayed in the room enjoying how nice it was, the kids and I were more excited for the pool and some lunch! Omni Louisville has an immaculate, beautiful, rooftop pool. There is a restaurant and bar up there with incredible food that is flavorful and light--exactly what you'd want while being in the hot sun. It was really sweet when the waiter offered to make our kids some slushies; we really just felt so taken care of and everyone was super accomodating of our very excited children.  

There was also something about being at the rooftop pool that made us feel like we had gone away on a trip far from home. It’s luxurious, yet inviting. It feels exclusive and also accommodating. The pool is long, but not very deep. My kids were able to swim and play almost completely independently. (They even made friends with kids their ages minutes after jumping in, so that was really fun to watch!) There were tons of pool chairs for sunbathing, comfy shaded seating near the bar for relaxing, even cabanas you can use to escape the sun but still be poolside. We spent the bulk of our time right here, but my husband did take advantage of the gym just down the hall from the pool, and then he joined us on the roof. It was conveniently located near where the kids and I wanted to be. (I apparently don't believe in working out anymore now that I've gotten a horse............oops).

For dinner we ate at Neighborhood Services, because we just had to get another round of Hot Brown Tater Tots. If you only eat one thing at the Omni, you want these. They’re a twist on a Kentucky staple, and they are SO dang good. 

After dinner we went up to the room to unwind. Every TV has a built in Chromecast so finding something for my kids to watch was really easy. Plus, they were so wiped from being in the sun all day, and the beds are so comfortable, they fell asleep quickly without any protest. 

For breakfast you have got to check out Fall City Market. There are so many options to choose from to get exactly what you want for breakfast. The kids and I got fresh pastries from Batch Bakery. My husband wanted a hot and savory breakfast, which he was also able to get there. And of course you can't forget the Heine Brothers Coffee!

We took one last swim in the pool before we left. The morning hours had such a small crowd at the pool that we were practically alone. It was a perfect place to sip coffee, and ease into another beautiful day. It was just a shame our time at the Omni was coming to a close, but I promise, we WILL be back!