The Christmas Blues: Do you Have Them Too?

It’s okay to not be okay. It’s a familiar feeling at times, as my kids are getting older...Christmas Eve comes (out of NOWHERE), and the day is generally sweet and magical. And then it’s gone. Christmas Day comes (even quicker) and the presents are opened, trash picked up, and the emptiness under the tree just stares at me. It’s not about the gifts (or the lack thereof), it’s just the reminder that the Holiday has come and gone, once again...and when it returns in a year, my kids will be even older, and things may be less magical. 

In the silence of our house on December 25th, with the kids and even my husband sound asleep...I look at the dark tree, and the fireplace that doesn’t have a fire blazing within it. (It needs to be cleaned from the day before, and our tree lights were on a timer that I didn’t feel like turning back on.) It was dark. It was quiet. And I sat there reflecting on the day. Could it have been better? Was I wrong to get the kids iPads when I already loathe screen time anyway? Did I keep my patience the best that I could? Did I share the gospel of Jesus WELL enough with my family? 

December 26th comes...I finally sleep in. My body apparently finally relaxed and I slept soundly until 10:30 in the morning. (Thank God for a husband who wakes earlier and who doesn’t mind his wife sleeping in…) I pour a cup of coffee and immediately just feel--OFF. Not mad, not sad, not angry, not happy, not anything, just off. I look around and while we’ve done a pretty great job at keeping clutter/messes to a minimum, I am even more frustrated by the clumps of Golden Retriever hair floating in the corners and (very few) dishes in the sink. I checked the temperatures outside often, wondering whether I should run outside or not...if I should go to the barn and ride, or not. Ultimately I decided to get into warm running attire and head out. I prayed my knee could handle it, that my lungs wouldn’t burn too much from the cold, and that I could do at least six miles. With the music in my ears, I took deep breaths and I took off. The pavement underneath me felt like a punching bag for my feet. With every mile, I felt lighter, and lighter, more accomplished, more okay. 

Half way through the run I paused on a bridge that overlooked a mostly frozen creek. I thanked God for my strength, for legs that can so far do this, and for loving me, even when I feel unlovable. The day has generally and still feels OFF for me. The run was great, I feel thankful to have gotten it done...but my brain is still trying to figure out what it’s thinking. I mean really; I can’t stop thinking about my businesses, what more I can do for them, about school or work starting back in a week, about motherhood and if I’m doing alright? 

This post is a conundrum post. I can’t explain how I’m feeling, not well anyway. So I guess the moral of it is that I feel like at least one person reading this may be feeling something similar, and I think it’s okay. It’s okay to have the Christmas Blues--that’s what I’m declaring this. The twinkly lights will soon be taken down, the tree put away, and while you may be wondering why that matters? I mean, you may not be a Christmas lover like me, so it might not seem like a huge deal. But it’s bigger than Christmas I think...I think it’s the letdown of the beautiful anticipation that December has been to me. And I’ve said it before...I’m struggling in this current season of motherhood and I am trying so hard to pray and trust and to find contentment in the stages that my children are in. 

I sit here and remember their first, second, third, fourth Christmases...when your son doesn’t come into the living room and say, “That’s from Target!” about his Santa gift...when their hands and wrists still had those baby dimples in them. When you were able to rock them in rocking chairs while you stared at the twinkly lights, thinking back then, maybe you were excited for them to be a bit older and bigger and to need you a little less. 

The Christmas Blues. Does this make sense? Mamas...can you feel this tonight? I’m hitting POST, and praying as I do. Tomorrow is a new day. New strength, new thoughts, new memories, new laughter, and more love. If you needed this post, will you let me know? Email me or comment below. I’d love to give you a virtual hug and be here in this walk of adulting and parenting with you. 

Never too Late for Christmas Cookies

Remember when I said the days were going quickly..? We blinked and Christmas came and went. That’ll be its’ own blog post, I am just always so shocked how fast it all goes, even when I always know it will. Since our kids were tiny we have made sugar cookies and decorated them for Santa, and this year, two of our dearest friends joined us!

Kennedy Lynn is two years old now, and I am still in denial that she is no longer a newborn. We still remember well Tim and Clayton going to the hospital when she was born, bringing her home, and then adopting her! Her birthday is only a couple days apart from Reese’s, and Reese has been her claimed BFF from the very beginning. Kennedy says her name with such pride and joy, and we just love having her around to be in these memories with us!

I recently saw a post on Pinterest [author unknown] that says this:

“You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow, they will be a little older than they were today. This day is a gift. Just breathe, notice, study their faces and little feet. Pay attention. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today. It will be over before you know it.”

I know if you’re in the thick of things in those newborn days, it may seem surreal that they will be any bigger. In any stage there are moments of frustration, of anger, of sadness, of doubts, of ALL the feelings—you’re wondering if you are doing a good job. If they will remember your hard work. If they will remember the good, especially when there have undoubtedly been moments of bad. Here are my snapshots of some of our good. Decorating cookies with small children isn’t a guarantee of sunshine and roses, of complete laughter and giddiness; often there are messes and spills, tears over mistakes, and for a mama who really loves QUIET—it is generally a very HAPPILY loud memory.

Does your family do any baking together in the holiday season? What are some of your traditions? I would love to hear in the comments below, or always feel free to hit REPLY to these posts! Happy Holidays, Sweet Readers and Friends.

Cookies with the Kids: Making the Holiday Sweet

If you have young kids, I'm sure this time of year is similar in your household--look for ALL the ways to create memories with the little ones, regardless of how messy or chaotic it may be. Christmas cookies are something the kids have been SO eager to create, and I kid you not, I have never seen them work more intently on something EVER. No exaggeration here--they did this ALL morning long!! 

We packed as many cookie cutters would fit on to the dough, and it was so cute to see the kids press down soooo firmly and gently pull the shapes out. There wasn't a favorite, they loved ALL the different cutters, however you obviously know that mine was the horse. 

We rolled dough and cut shapes and rotated pans in and out of the oven all morning. If you're reading this and you don't yet have kids but think that you want some one day--I encourage you to try to remember this one small piece of advice in your future: foster happy, positive, love filled memories in your household. If you know me, you know that I don't really love messes. I don't know if there are moms who LOVE a mess, but there are probably a LOT who handle the whole thing better than I do. For this though, I saw the flour covering our favorite dining room table, the one that has signatures underneath it from the people who have sat around it, and I tried to breathe it all in. 

Every single crumb. Every single drop of dough that was getting caked on to my hardwood floor. The flour went into the crevices of the table and the kids were wearing a LOT of it. But it was a rare occasion of no fits, no temper tantrums, no anger or meltdowns. It was a morning of determination, innocent conversations, and sharing of frosting and sprinkles. 

I walked away to take a shower came back, and they were STILL decorating cookies, completely enthralled with creating holiday whimsey. 

Do you remember what your childhood was like around the holidays? I'll never forget the no-bake chocolate cookies, my FAVORITE peanut butter balls, the rice Krispy treats my mom made, and the many other desserts that were made. 

Christmas was special when I was kid. When we first get married and before we had our children, I remember how romantic if felt that we simply had each other. And now... NOW, Christmas is pure magic. These are the parts that I never want to forget. I'm a little scared I'm going to remember a LOT of challenges brought to the table by my strong-willed child and not necessarily the goodness that existed amongst it. So here's to documenting, capturing, and holding on to every ounce of magic that happened this sweet Saturday morning. And trust me, it was SWEET! I

Oh, I've mentioned several times that my husband is an elf, well, you just look at the next photo and try and tell me he's not ;) 

What is one of YOUR best holiday memories? Either from your childhood, or from YOUR child's childhood? It feels so long ago that our kids were babies, and that they were having their 'first Christmas...' I should probably stop before I break down crying and end up inconsolable unable to post this. But my goodness they don't lie when they tell you time flies. That you'll blink and they'll be grown. Four and five years have somehow flown away, and those are years I won't ever get back. Very much reason to create and enjoy these precious moments, right? 

Happy Holidays, Y'all!