This Mama's Walk Down Memory Lane: Are the Best and Most Magical Years Behind Us?

Well I just drastically found myself walking down the rabbit hole of memory lane… I’ve been here before. In a quiet house. Nothing but the sounds of wind blowing outside, the heater kicking on, the animals snoring, and in the midst of twinkly Christmas lights. The fire is crackling and my eyes are fuzzy from the long (but blessed) day I’ve had. I remember being here because the feelings of just wanting to write have graced me once more. Those days don’t come often…I just don’t make time for it like I used to. But before I crawl into bed beside my snoozing husband, I just want to write so that I don’t forget. Or so that when I do forget…I can come back and relive some of this life.

I launched this blog in 2015. Somehow five years have come and gone, and tonight as I sat in the silence I scrolled all the way down to my very first blog posts. In the middle I paused and read about our Humphrey and Elsa passing, and my heart hurts as I now write. One of the posts I also re-read was when our kids were two and three years old…in that post I described that season as magical and beautiful and how hard it was for me that the days were so fleeting. I was convinced that THOSE would be the best years I would experience….You may judge me just a little that right now, I kind of wonder if that I was right?

I’m not saying that I don’t love the stages that my kids are in NOW. They are seven and eight years old (HOW?!?) and oh my, you KNOW I love them each so dearly. But the last couple of years I will have these moments of aching for the days now behind us. New mamas reading this or expectant mamas…I used to want to punch people in the face when they told me to embrace the chaos that existed in those little years. How dare them tell me to EMBRACE the screaming and crying that often occurred when going out to eat or when pushing a shopping cart with each of them in it. Yet here I am…32-years old, wishing I had embraced those moments just a little bit tighter.

I did the best that I could have. You don’t know what you don’t know, especially when it comes to marriage and motherhood. You just DON’T! You excel, you succeed, you kick ass, and then often you also fail. Each day, you do the best you can with what you have, and you go to bed exhausted and you wake up wondering if you’re doing a good job. As I sit here, half way on my couch looking around our home…I miss the newborn days. I miss the toddler years. Heavens to Betsy, I actually MISS when they were each a threenager. Lately, their relationship with each other has been just plain tough. They fight. A lot. They bicker, they tattle, and I know I sound like I’m painting them into this awful corner of horrid children; that’s not my goal. And that’s not what I mean. But life lately is just different. They are so much bigger and maybe because they are only fifteen months apart, they simply struggle to merely get ALONG.

My relationship as their MOM, is different. I have noticed with Pierson especially, my sweet baby boy; he loves me now SO differently. His dad is his everything—his role model, his super hero, his biggest inspiration! And that is GREAT!! What a blessing that my kids have such a present and magnificent father! My big kid third grader sees me, his mama, a lot differently now compared to when he was tiny. Not to mention he’s more than half my height, and I can remember writing about being scared of the day when they’d each no longer fit in my arms. Well guess what? I can pick them up if I really need to, but y’all, they don’t FIT.

One of my sister in laws once told me she has loved every single stage of motherhood. I think I must have asked how she has handled them getting bigger and turning into the mini big kids that they are? And while I agree, I love every stage because I’m their MOM. I will always love them and celebrate them and I will forever cheer them on. But at the moment, I think I more so feel that this stage of motherhood kind of hurts? If I could turn back even a morsel of time, I wish we were in our old house, Jackson street near downtown Louisville—and that they would be tiny once again. Tiny enough to curl into my lap, that they needed to be rocked to sleep, that they needed ME because they didn’t yet have video games or Netflix or neighbor friends or other busy plans. Sounding selfish? Perhaps.

I want to make sure that I say this: my kids are amazing. They are beautiful and strong; they are intelligent and they love Jesus. And I KNOW they love each other…at the end of the day, they are generally asking if they can stay up late together and have sleepovers on each other’s floors. They are obedient and funny and their personalities are exploding as they figure out WHO they are. They still want ME to lie with them every single night, to tickle their backs and bellies and to sing a song or listen to one on Spotify…they hug me daily and tell me that they love me. They cheer ME on and support me on my many creative endeavors. They are GOOD kids.

Maybe it’s the twinkly lights and the silent house? Christmas is near and I often reminisce about those first few, where they were crawling or toddling around the tree. When life was crazy and chaotic, but at the same time…it felt a little simpler? It could also be the pandemic fatigue spurring on these feelings too, y’all know we can’t discount that we are TIRED people as a whole right now. I write all of this to say, no matter where your kids are in this season of life, no matter how big or small they are, no matter what YOU personally are feeling; let’s take a second (or some hours!!) and try to embrace their stages right NOW a little more. Are you up all night nursing and burping and wondering if you’ll ever sleep again? (You will.) Are you wondering how in the world your threenager is wearing you out SO damn much and anxiously awaiting for them to turn FOUR? (They will…and then they’ll turn five. And six. And seven. And eight…) See, this is a reminder for ME too…as I wonder if my seven and eight year old will ever need me again or if they’ll ever be the very best of friends. (Ashley…they will.)

Memory lane…it can be a beast to walk down can’t it? Here’s a quote I want to end on, my soul sister Jen Hatmaker said it in her book ‘Of Mess and Moxie:”

“Of course, in a hundred years, no one will remember any of us and our story will be lost in obscurity, but for us, for all these years when we were kids and then grown-ups, when you were young parents and then grandparents, this is the only story that ever mattered, and it was such a marvelous one. The best story I ever imagined.”

While I sit and remember, and as I remember the hardships and the blessings…I am incredibly thankful that this IS my story—and that I am their Mom.

A Much Needed Cheerful Holiday Bucket List

It’s here, it’s here, it’s really here! Hot cocoa, Hallmark movies, Buddy the Elf, Christmas lights, and pajamas! Oh wait…we’ve been living in pajamas haven’t we?! But not matching CHRISTMAS jammies!! So since our city is still largely in the middle with shut downs and re-opening and should we be out or not out; we are just thankful we don’t really have to leave the home to do some of the sweetest things on our Holiday Bucket List!

What are some things YOU want to do this Holiday season to make it special and memorable for your family? Christmas cookies always seem to make SUCH a mess, as do gingerbread houses, but it’s the best for capturing photos and documenting life where we are. And Target has the cutest supplies for at home hot cocoa bars with toppings and flavors galore, so I’m super pumped to check that one off our list!

This past weekend we took our Christmas card photo and it’s the first year ever we took it ourselves. We set up the trusty tripod (which wasn’t trusty at all because my camera actually fell off at the beginning, oh my word….) and did a mini shoot for ourselves. Y’all, I couldn’t be happier with how they turned out and I have to say that our Golden Retrievers are the best model dogs on the planet. Here! See some for yourselves!

Unfortunately Target was out of stock of the size Emma needed and get this—I had been wanting to take a matching Christmas pj photo for years. Well this year I ordered them and got the photos, but most of them don’t fit! Asa’s shirt sleeves were wayyyyy too short, Pierson’s pajama pants were four feet too long, and Reese’s nightgown was more like a mini skirt. But hey! We got the photos!! (HA!)

So let’s talk movies! We’ve watched Jingle all the Way, Jingle Jangle, Elf, National Lampoon’s Family Christmas, Christmas Chronicles, and Christmas Chronicles 2. THERE ARE SO MANY MORE TO WATCH!!

And friends, for a brief moment of seriousness, we know that during a global pandemic, all is not necessarily CALM, right? My recommendation for ALL of us, is to do things that bring JOY to our families and to the people around us. If you can hang outdoor Christmas lights, do it! Lightness will always overcome the dark, and I want to encourage you to brighten someone else’s mood during these particularly dark times.

Here is a free bucket list graphic if y’all want to use it to get your Holiday ideas flowing. Tag me if you use it anywhere on social media, I would love to see your lists! You can find me HERE on Instagram and HERE on Facebook. Happy Holidays at Home, sweet friends!

Fall Traditions and How We are Still Keeping Them

How do you feel about Fall? Because by far, this is my absolute favorite season. It’s not TOO cold, it’s not too hot, and there’s no SNOW. The colors are beautiful (especially this year) and this is when we do ALL the festivities with our local family. We joke that we see each more than ever before in the Fall but come January, we’re all hunkered down in our homes ready to be recluses.

I think more than ever, keeping traditions alive is SO crucial to and for us. Especially with our KIDS. I mean sincerely, how sad a season has been the season of Covid?! They can’t go to school, they haven’t seen their classmates in over 250 days, and their life has been radically rocked—whether they can fully grasp it or not. Enter: all of this. Doing LIFE with some of our favorite people. Running and jumping and playing and being silly. Oh and indulging in ALL the apple cider donuts…And just to be safe, yes, all our kids (and us) wore masks, especially when around other people) and during all the activities. And there was plenty of hand washing afterwards ;)

This is the month we watched Hocus Pocus on a projector in our backyard, we all went to Boo at the Zoo together, we walked St. James Court in honor of the Art Fair that DIDN’T get to happen this year, and then obviously Gallrein’s Farm. It’s FALL, Y’all, and we are HERE for it. You know Asa is Buddy the Elf (except for all holidays, not just Christmas) so planning moments like this is his jam. Have you been to a pumpkin patch this season? What’s your favorite part? For me it’s the hay ride and just walking around the field admiring all the cute gourds. We go, we walk around, we snap some orchard photos, and then we buy all the donuts and enjoy every single bite. (I keep mentioning donuts but sadly I didn’t take a single picture of one this year?! Darn. It’s okay though, you know they’re freakishly delicious even if not photographed, right?)

“I am SO glad I live in a world where there are Octobers-” I mean, WHO cannot relate to Anne of Green Gables with this?!? SO much has been cancelled in our world. I am incredibly grateful the pumpkin patch DID NOT, and we were still able to enjoy these memories. We believe traditions are important. And we also believe being outdoors is a HUGE part of that. Kids need to breathe fresh air, they need to explore, and they need time with family. So what about you?? What things have YOU done this fall? Is there anything we need to add to our list of fun? Jot a comment and let us know! :) Oh and if you like looking back on memories like I do, you can see one of our previous Gallrein visits here! The kids have all grown SO much!!

Rock Island State Park and the Most Magnificent Waterfall

Safe at Home has been the famous phrase we’ve heard for months, right? But for us it’s been more like, ‘safe at home AND in nature…’ When Asa first told me though that he had booked a campsite in Rock Island, TN, I’ll admit I was not super excited about the three hour drive there. But I WAS excited for some family time, and that my big brother and his wife were even able to join us. I have never camped with my brother before this and it meant so much to have him there! But anyway, back to the camp site. When we arrived, there was a torrential downpour. My sister in law Jana is the most badass woman I’ve literally ever met, and she and her three kids were practically done setting up their tent and site when we arrived. Soon, all of us were together, (my brother and his wife came later, after dark, and they had to set up their tent with minimal light but hey, it got done!) At first I was super grumpy about the sloppy grounds, dirty feet and the fact that my white English Cream Golden was filthy within minutes of our arrival… but I pretty soon got over it. The kids were having a blast, we all brought our dogs and Emma was in literal dog and camping Heaven, and it felt so good to just BE together. (Quarantine STINKS!!!!)

Some may tease me, but I have ZERO shame in always getting a site with electricity. I also have zero shame that we have the worlds largest tent and that my husband who is six foot four can stand UP in said tent. We sleep best with a fan, so we always bring one. All of that means I am way LESS ornery when I am woken up at five a.m. to the sound of birds and the blinding sunlight pouring through, because I sleep WELL, and we are never crowded.

Asa brings the best food camping (he brings and makes the best food in general….) but I really love our mornings on these trips. Did I mention we also bring an electric coffee maker because hello, it’s faster, and it brews a very large pot?! Those cups of coffee spent with family around a fire are so dang special.

Now on to some more fun stuff… Rock Island has a bunch of trails, most are pretty short. The longest trail (on the map) is 2.65 miles, most are even shorter. You can grab a trail map, water guide, and other important info from the welcome center near the camp grounds. VERY close to the campsite is the Historic Cotton Mill, and Old Mill Gorge Trail. Unfortunately when we were there, the trails were closed to do extreme flooding. However, there is a stunning lookout at the parking lot/trailhead that allows for gorgeous views into the gorge! From there, if you look into the distance, opposite side of Center Hill Lake, you should be able to see one of the swimming areas. The trail there is short, if it’s open, and will take you down into the gorge, and to one of the swimming locations.

There’s a trailhead called ‘Down Stream’ and that is where you will find Twin Falls, and perhaps THE most breathtaking waterfall you’ve ever seen—at least that we’ve ever seen :) We climbed our way onto the rocky bank and made it to the water to truly appreciate the beauty of the magnificent falls.

From Twin Falls, follow the trail upstream until you get to a staircase. These will take you to the Upstream Trailhead and the road you originally drove in on. Upstream is the trail that leads to where we spent MOST of our time swimming. The climb down into the gorge is doable for small kids, (we even met an older gentleman on a cane who made the climb down), but I would NOT recommend a stroller or wagon. The water was cold but very refreshing. Swimming above water falls and down in a gorge was both scary and magical—absolutely an adventure worth having!!

Hiking was so much fun, but as always, please use caution and good judgement when exploring the gorge, especially along the water. The current was quite strong and I am very grateful for LOTS of hands and adults to help watch and monitor our kids and all the kids. Emma had a BLAST swimming, but ultimately she wore herself out pretty significantly and I kinda wish I hadn’t let her swim as much as I did… but we lived and learned and really, this trip was magnificent. We did NOT swim at Twin Falls, and there were plenty of signs reminding us and cautioning us that lives have been lost there. Be safe, use your head, go with people, have fun and remember how big and vast our Creator is!! PS: the country side and drives there were one of my favorite parts…I even had to get out and photograph some adorable cows. There were rolling hills for days and my heart was so full as I took it all in.

And here is a video of the most magnificent waterfall video taken by my brother Sean Rogers, isn’t it beautiful?!