Who's Clapping?

Thoughts: I've been having a lot of them lately.

Most of the time, (honest moment), I feel like I'm 'in a rut' writing wise, but this is mainly because I have ten million things and thoughts scuffling around in my head, and processing them into a well-constructed and solid post, is super challenging. I'm sure you're with me; in the age of social media, the Internet being at our fingertips, the endless amounts of scrolling...

 We see SO much.

We compare SO much.

I've talked often about seasons of friendships and how life can just be funky. The ebb and flow of who sticks by our side (and whose side WE stick by), changes, all the time. But there are some friends that just stay; regardless of the amount of time we are able to spend together, regardless of our different opinions and beliefs. I have one girlfriend in particular who used to be my teaching assistant for my first two years in the classroom. On day one, I thought, "I am going to love this lady!" But then life, as it always does, proceeded to change--she took a different job, I was moved to a new school, and the seasons continued to press onward. Living on opposite ends of town, having completely different hours of availability, and not working together anymore means that we don't see each other often. But a couple of weeks ago, I took some goodies to her brand new house, we plopped down on the couch, and talked for HOURS!

During the conversation, she said something that has just stuck with me, a phrase that has been all gurgled in my mind but that I didn't know how to actually put into words, until she said it: 

"Be aware of who isn't clapping when you win."

I have another friend, she is climbing her way up the Blogging Ladder, and she works her tail off in everything she does. We meet for breakfast or lunch, text often, and as busy as she is, she has never put her successes above mine and vice versa. We write to a different platform, we were raised very differently, our ages are different, our words are different. When I have questions about websites and codes and social media, she excitedly lends a helping hand. She has never withheld information from me in fear that I would steal her thunder BECAUSE she doesn't allow for comparison to override our friendship. And when she told me some of her big and upcoming work assignments, I didn't slump over in a puddle of discouragement BECAUSE this girl deserves it!

Who is clapping?

Who is hugging you when you win? Who is holding your hand when you lose? The friend that I visited has told her daughter that phrase since she was tiny. And now that I have kids of my own, I really think it is going to be a mantra that I pass down to them--I don't want them to have friends who constantly compare. I don't want them to fear success OR failures, because I pray that as their seasons shift and change, the right friends will be placed at the right times.

There is so much room for negative headspace, especially with Facebook and Instagram. We find ourselves comparing, wondering why so and so is better than we are; why are they so successful? Why do they have more followers than us? Why does their house look brighter, their walls whiter, their clothes cuter, their bodies BETTER? But I just feel so DONE with these lies. You are you and I am me, and instead of competing with one another, I am ready to celebrate our accomplishments.

Maybe yours is that you'll run a mile straight without stopping. Or you'll start that blog that you've been day-dreaming about. Maybe it's that you've been featured on another site, and someone else found encouragement through your words. Maybe it's that you've struggled with sadness and have felt too blue to move, but you decided TODAY to get out of bed.

Be aware of who isn't clapping when you win.

And then take a deep breath, thank God for creating YOU, and hug a little tighter the ones who have stayed by your side. And as you journey, focus your attention on becoming a better version of yourself. Use what you see on your screen for inspiration, or turn the screen OFF. I have talents and so do you. I pray that you will find them, use them, and then help me celebrate others in this overly competitive world we live in.

*What are some ways that you cheer others on? What types of things encourage you the most in your friendships? Do you have a friend today, that you should text or call, just to say, "Hey, you're doing GREAT!" I hope you'll share this post, that if something resonated with your heart while reading, that you would tell someone else! YOU are wonderful and YOU are going to do amazing things, I have so much faith in that promise!*

This is Home

Recently I was sitting in my daughter's rocking chair. She rested on my shoulder, arms around my neck, her breaths collecting warmth in the crook of my collar bone. As I finished her song, You Are My Sunshine, she sleepily looked up at me. As clear and confidently as she could, she whispered, "Mommy, this is home."

"Yes, Reese," I smiled. "This is home." She continued though. "Mommy and Daddy and Pierson and me, we live here. Mommy goes to work, and Daddy works, but this is home. This is my room, and my bed, and my home, forever." I patted her back and for a second I wondered if she felt insecure that perhaps we were going somewhere else. Or maybe she questioned if we would be together, for the rest of our lives?  

But the next night she said it too and so joyfully. I then realized there was something consoling in her words. Through my two-year old baby girl, I was reminded once more, that no matter where we are, what is going on in life, and what position our heart may be in--we are together and together is home. 

Lately I have been pondering, "What are the things that light my soul on fire?" and there are clear, specific thoughts each time: 
-Writing
-Envisioning my future farmhouse, land and horse
-Photos and the stories that they capture
-and my family

Louisville, Kentucky is where I have called home the past ten years. But, I also call Michigan my home. Having been born and raised there, and spending my first eighteen years in a quaint, country town, it will forever be home. I honestly question that we will ever find our 'dream home' in this city or state. I just don't know if it exists and the longer we spend time in the neighborhood we are in, the more I hear the voice of God saying, "You won't live here forever." I have found contentment for the time being, but still, I just don't know. 

Sometimes, having dreams and passions are hard. It's like I have these tiny little video compartments inside my brain, and they're playing in the background all the time. I see the future house, the green grass, the old barn, the horse that runs there and I also see myself sitting at my desk, pencil in hand, journaling often and transferring those thoughts here. But what am I supposed to do with them? Lara Casey says, "Know that this is a process--Put your focus where God wants it, in His timing, not letting fear keep you from taking leaps of faith. Do what matters and forget the rest...there is only ONE path to purpose: Jesus." 

Who KNOWS where we will end up? My husband despises driving through Indiana to get to Michigan but jokes, "Watch... our future horse farm is going to end up being here." (We both DEEPLY hope that's not the case, ha!) But maybe it'll be Tennessee, or back to Michigan, or a completely random state like Texas? And regardless of where the next house is at geographically, regardless of how God allows me to use my gifts, I will trust the path that Jesus walks us down. When we are there and while we are here, I know that I can hold my children and husband's hands and say:

"This is home." 

How is your heart, friends? I am always available to pray for you and with you if you feel like sharing! Send me an e-mail, comment below, or find me on Facebook! And what places or people are home to YOU? 

Just a Mom

Photo by: Jana Glass

I vividly remember being in the hospital after having my first-born. I labored twenty-five hours with him, had the hardest time progressing in dilation, endured back labor the entire time, and spent much of the active labor, moaning and puking. He was born at 11:11am on a Friday before Father's Day. I was rolled to a room, with him in my arms, and I vaguely remember my mom being at my side. I had been awake, also, for twenty + hours, and my mind was so fuzzy, my body so tired. I couldn't coherently answer nurse's questions, and after I woke from a short nap, I was so shocked and horrified that I was still having contractions!!

Through all the books I read, the other moms I talked to, how come no one ever mentioned the contractions?! I suppose there's a possibility they did, and I just didn't have a clue what they were talking about because I didn't yet have a baby! But oh the pain, of learning how to nurse a baby for the very first time and at the same time, trying to get through those tight tortures of my uterus shrinking back to normal.

But there are a lot of things people don't tell you, isn't there?

Like how badly you may blister from learning how to breastfeed. Or the medical side effects (ahem, Thyroitis). People don't tell you how drastically things will change: your emotions, your hormones, your ability to think straight and rationally for the next ____________ (still waiting!) years. But most of all, do you know what I was the least prepared for? Do you know what I still am shocked to hear or understand, after being a mother for three and a half years?

The comments and the lack of understanding from so many people.

Shortly after my son was born, I noticed that my friendships began changing drastically. I had after all, never been 'held down' before and had always been free to make plans when I wanted, where I wanted, and how late I wanted. The fact that we put our son on a schedule from the day he was born, also made friendships challenging. Nap times were important to me, breastfeeding was important to me, and it was no longer as simple as arranging lunch or dinner plans without having a time limit on them.

There were a lot of adjustments to be made, my feelings were easily hurt (sensitive, first time Mom problems...? You bet!) and many friends I had,  just couldn't understand. The phrase 'Mommy Ashley' pops into my head often. And I heard, 'If you're just going to be a mom..." A friend once confided in me that she missed Ashley, and didn't know what to do with 'Mommy Ashley.' Well, at 11:11am that Friday morning, 'Mommy Ashley' was the new me. 

Just a mom.

What mom is 'just a mom?' I don't need to sing my praises here because honestly, I don't think I'm an A+ Mother. But I love my children well and deeply. I never would have planned to have two children so close together in age, but God did, so I sucked it up and decided that I would be the best mom of two that I can be. There were (and still are) many sleepless nights. There are tears to wipe, life-lessons to teach, diapers to change, mouths to feed, laughter to create, and cuddles to be had. There are two tiny humans who rely on me for everything. And there are people who want to venture with me through it, and those who don't. And I'm learning how to let this be okay.

When I shared my decision to take some time next year to stay home with the kids, I was once told, 'That's just lazy!" I was mortified. Lazy, being used as an adjective to describe someone who 'just wants to be a Mom.' After walking away, I had to take a breath and remind myself that people make different choices. And I get it: I made the choice to have a baby (and was surprised with two), the one to get married and to live the current life that we live. But when I take days "off" to be with sick kids, my mornings do NOT look like me peacefully sipping coffee, starting slow, or really, me sitting at ALL. There is structured chaos, from seven-thirty in the morning until nap and then from the afternoon until eight at night. And nap time for them, includes laundry and dishes for me, editing photos for clients, searching ways to write a book and then if there's any time left at all, writing the thoughts jumbling in my head, such as this one.

Just a mom.

I'm a referee for sibling squabbles, a teacher as they learn how to read, draw and imagine. I'm a nurse when something hurts, a counselor when they need to talk. I'm a house cleaner as I dust and sort and pick up toys. And don't forget the titles: worrier, planner, cook, and friend. If you don't already know this, I'm a full time teacher to fourth and fifth grade students who have emotional and behavioral disorders. From 7:30-2:30, Monday through Friday, I'm in my classroom, playing many of these roles for other peoples' children. I also run a professional photography business and, AND, I am working my darnedest to go big with this blog.

Maybe to some this isn't a high-status job, but to me, there is no higher calling. If you are a mom reading this, please don't ever refer to yourself as 'just as mom,' because you are so much more. And if you've created a life different from the ones that consist of diapers and little mouths to feed, great! But can't we join arms around each other and love the heck out of other women, regardless of these titles?

You're not just a mom.

And you're not just a woman.

You're a soul that was created for a purpose and whatever purpose that may be, let's celebrate together.

Raise a Powerful, Positive, Princess: Why NOT?!

Self-sufficient, smart, daring, brave and bold--would you be okay if these were the adjectives that described your daughter?

Do you want to teach her how to overcome trials and tribulations, and that she can be triumphant over big AND small obstacles?

Then why do Princesses get so much flack?

Recently I've read a few posts that have just made my skin crawl with their animosity towards Disney, or the word "princess" in general. I am an Eighties Babe and I remember well the sing-along-songs like, "Tale as Old as Time...." that I hummed, all the while I was playing tractors and getting muddy with my older brother. I played dress-up for hours and there is a home video of me at two-years old exclaiming, "I'm GARGEOUS!" Should my parents have panicked that their toddler displayed some self-confidence, that I felt 'pretty' in pink tutus or high heeled shoes?  I watched Beauty and the Beast on repeat. I found strength in Belle's free-thinking character, her bravery that was nothing short of admirable, her courage that ultimately restored the Beast's kingdom. I loved Disney princesses and WARNING: I still turned out okay.

Last Saturday we had morning cartoons on. I was cleaning up dishes and the kids were quietly playing with toys on the living room floor. The TV volume was turned down low, but suddenly I heard upbeat music bursting from the speakers. I tiptoed to where they stood; my son and daughter were swaying back and forth and exclaimed, "Ooohhhh I like this one!" Before my eyes played a collection of Disney Princess movies, and the narrator saying: "For every girl who dreams BIG, there's a Princess out there..." Across the screen rolled Rapunzel from Tangled and a young girl climbing a rope, Merida from Brave and a young girl shooting a bow and arrow, along with many other real-life Princess comparisons. The Script's "You Can Be the Greatest" playing in the background made me tear up as I watched not only my daughter, but my SON dance to the promise: "Be believers, be leaders, be astronauts, be champions..."

It ended and my toddlers clapped. My son went back to his Lego tower and my daughter continued to twirl around:  "Dream big, Princess," I laughed. A Princess isn't weak! She doesn't have to be a damsel in distress. She isn't flighty or stupid. The word doesn't have to be stereotyped with pink fluff and someone who stares at herself in a mirror all day long. It may have been a while since you've watched any Princess movies, maybe you haven't seen any of them at all. Here's a refresher:

Cinderella: she was treated like crud by a cruel and unloving stepmother. Her stepsisters were, um.. well, there's a word for girls like that--YET, she maintained a seriously upbeat demeanor and spent her days choosing joy over sorrow.
Belle: you know I love her! She walks through town with her nose in a book and could care less about the fact that she is deemed 'the prettiest girl in town.' She has a love and adoration for her hardworking father, she is smart, witty and displays act after act of courage and bravery. She sacrifices her life to save her dad's and because she never judged a book by its' cover, she was able to fall in love with the man trapped under the Beast's body.
Anna: my new favorite, was born into royalty, but this didn't confine her to shallowness or arrogance. She sets out on a dangerous mission to save her sister and displays nothing but courage. She portrays an optimistic and determined mindset. At first she was desperate to be loved, but as the story continues, she matures and slowly began to understand how the world worked. I think Elsa is probably viewed as the main 'Princess' in this movie but Anna is by far the heroine.
Merida: first, holy awesome hair! But seriously, aside from beautiful, flaming locks, she has mad archery skills and is a headstrong teen with a royal upbringing. She is admired for her willpower, her sense of wild and she is a gal who independently problem solves. The plot does not involve a  romantic love interest and while some may disagree, I think Merida is a teenager that twenty-first century girls can learn from.

Reese is a two-year old who excitedly shrieks when she sees a frilly dress. She is obsessed with her light pink, ballerina outfit and will grab it off the hanger in her closet, bring it to us pleading, "Put it on?? Put it on me, PLEASE?!" She sings Rachel Platten's Fight Song on repeat. When I hear her little voice saying, "My power's turned on, starting right now I'll BE strong! I've got my fight songgggggg..." I hear the voice of a child who is being raised to believe she can choose the path ahead of her. She can wear the glass slipper but it doesn't have to define who she is as a woman. She can be quiet or chatty, extroverted or meek. She can climb mountains on weekends or choose a desk job with average hours; heck, she can do both! She can dance or play softball, ride horses or raise pigs. She can love princesses and drive a race car.

Is there any cheesiness in most of the fairy tales we read or watch? Of course! But there is also some strength and dignity. And if these old (and new) favorites have taught me to do anything at all, it was to dream--and that is one attribute I pray never fades away.

To my children, I will be with you every SINGLE step of the way. When you fall, when you rise, when you laugh and when you cry. It'll take you a while to figure out what you've been called to in this life and you'll realize your Mama is still trying to figure it out, even as I age. But I promise-- YOU being YOU is the most beautiful story that will ever be told in the pages of my book.

After you've read this, PLEASE click this link and watch the commercial that I refer to above: Dream Big Princess