A Tribe of Radiance

A long time ago, I submitted my first few articles to a blog called The Radiant Life Blog. Lo and behold, and much to my surprise, the founders e-mailed me some of the sweetest notes of encouragement and chose to publish them. Little did I know that as the seasons changed, that I would eventually be asked to be a columnist of an online magazine for the Motherhood section, by one of those same women. 

The Radiant Life Blog over time took some drastic changes. Founder Kelsey Chapman, stuck with the title Radiant for her current magazine, and after this weekend, I absolutely know why. Through Kelsey, God chose women from all around the globe to join together for two whole days to discuss dreams, visions, goals and share creative inspiration. 

"Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." -Psalm 34:5

Who would have thought, because I sure didn't, that so many women could be so diverse, all with incredibly unique stories and backgrounds, to share in one single vision: to empower women, near and far, all while seeking the Lord. 

Friday night I made my way to Nashville where I would be greeted by the sweetest, most genuine ladies who I am now blessed to call dear friends. On this Radiant Retreat, we shared our stories, what makes our hearts skip a beat, and then we laughed--a LOT. 

Amongst my notes of what I plan on saying yes to more, I wrote, "intentional and authentic friendships..." For the first time in just a really long time, I felt a sense of community that I've been lacking. As I sat in the middle of the living room couch, surrounded by these Godly women, I saw God's vision for my life come even more clearly in my head. "If I had unlimited resources and funds, I would own a horse farm, get paid to write and take pictures, and empower women and youth," I jotted. 

One way that I realistically plan to empower women is to continue writing two columns a month for Radiant. Am I the expert in Motherhood? Of course not! But I do feel called to be a mom and every single day I am so thankful that God chose ME to mother the two incredible children that I am. I also feel so blessed that walking beside me are 14+ contributors, writing about marriage, dating, fashion, beauty, whole living, fitness, music, and much, much more. It isn't ourselves that we are striving to work for though, it's 100% our Creator, who has helped make Kelsey's dream a reality. 

We aren't perfect. We don't have all the answers. We are going to mess up, make mistakes, and be in need of lots and lots of grace. But my Lord HOW beautiful that all is, am I right?! If you haven't yet made our way to Radiant Magazine, please go NOW. Check out ALL the lovely contributors that are there thus far; curl up in your favorite blanket with a cup of hot tea and read the wide assortment of columns and articles that await. 

A very special thanks to Meredith, who opened up her GORGEOUS home all weekend long, where she provided us with fresh linens, comfy beds, and lots and lots of coffee! I absolutely adore you, Girl, and am so thankful God intertwined our paths!

Thoughts on Failure

I remember being in the eighth grade and working on a writing piece about myself. It was some sort of self-reflection and one of the questions our teacher wanted us to think about was, "What are you afraid of?"

My mind immediately jumped to the literal of the word 'fear.' What did I fear? Hhmm, I am terrified of the ocean and sharks, I thought. I can't write about that though, that seems silly. I looked at my teacher, "Mrs. Nooney," I began. "What am I afraid of?" She put her hand on my shoulder and instantly replied, "Failure."

I remember how my heart felt in that moment. Smack dab in the midst of my middle school Language Arts class, I felt like I had just left a therapy session. Silently, I nodded. I wish I remembered what more I wrote about or what I did with that piece, but I won't ever forget that initial recognition of someone seeing in to my soul.

I don't consider myself a perfectionist but at twenty-eight, I'm realizing that I hold on to a lot of unnecessary thoughts and just stuff. I've blocked out bits and pieces of my past, some on purpose and some because of circumstances, but something that has followed me over the years is this internal fear of screwing up. I don't strive to be the best at everything and Lord knows I'm not. I'm not the worlds greatest teacher or photographer, heck, I have a TON to learn in both areas. I'm not the BEST mom or wife and I screw up a lot in both of those roles.

Over the last year I have often struggled with letting things go. Social media is a strange place for me and while I love it, I also see how the Enemy strives to use it against me. When I've gone to write on a friend's wall and they're no longer there, (aka they unfriended me), I've heard thoughts like, 'She must really not like you. You must have done something wrong.' In reality, they might just not want to see me on social media! It doesn't mean they hate me or that we can't be friends, it just means that they're fine (and I need to be too) with our lives not connecting in that facet. Or I'll see other friends, living their lives and forming new friendships, and I'll hear, 'She doesn't need you anymore.' How is that a beneficial or even remotely rational way of thinking? But those lies are there.

Why?

Because failing at relationships is hard for me. Losing friends or not being liked are amongst some of my greatest fears. I don't want to fail at loving others and I don't want to fail at being loved.

I recently read, "The opposite of faith isn't doubt; it's control" (Wild and Free). And you know what? This couldn't be more true of my life. My husband helps me rationalize my sometimes crazy thoughts and he pointed out that I can tend to obsess over the things that I can't control. Not being everyone's best friend; can't control it. Being unfriended on Facebook or unfollowed on Instagram; can't control it. What others think about me; no control. There's a pattern, and it all adds up to this: I just don't want to fail.

I am really good at preaching to you about how life is okay though, let's be real. And aren't we all? We are so good at telling others to let the small (and sometimes big) stuff go. We're good at telling our friends that it's okay to cry, that God has a plan, that they are beautiful how they are, that they are crazy talented and all around just how wonderful they are, but where is the grace for ourselves?

Moment of truth: there are a lot of other things that I fear failing at, such as intimacy. Poor choices from my past have really tormented with my heart and brain and as early as a week ago, tears streamed down my face in the midst of a moment with my husband. It's never happened before, I've never reacted that way to his touch and then there I was, trying to get my s*** together because HE is not the one who abused me. I didn't want to appear weak, I didn't want to admit that ten years later my heart still hurts, I didn't want to fail. [Thank GOD for a gracious and loving husband, am I right ladies?!]

Have you ever read John 14:27? "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you... Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." Or Isaiah 26:3, "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in You, all whose thoughts are fixed on You."

When I begin to fear coming undone, when I want to run from my imperfections and people please the heck out of every loving person, I pray I can turn to those verses. "If you're not living in freedom, you're living in fear. Fear and love cannot occupy the same space, and neither can deep-rooted fear and freedom...He is our refuge. He will lift us out of our debilitating fear. He has chosen us anyway" (Wild and Free).

Sisters and friends, He is good. I do believe this and I do claim this, it's just something I haven't yet mastered living yet. Whatever you're walking through right now, I pray you can see Him. That you can have a quite moment, take a breath and know that you are so loved. We all have fears, whether big or small, whether they seem trivial or consuming--but there is so much grace and forgiveness to be had.

Kissing Summer Goodbye [Kentucky State Fair]

Eight years ago today Timehop tells me I went to the Kentucky State Fair for the FIRST time with my then soon-to-be husband. Almost a decade ago, and I remember sitting high up on the ferris wheel with him imagining our life together. I couldn't have ever thought of raising the two kids that we are now, because who can imagine something so sweet? 

Lastnight we ventured down to the Fair Grounds with our dearest friends Tim and Clayton, and we made a WHOLE night of it. The kids were soooo excited for the junk food and rides that we had hyped up and it couldn't have gone more perfectly (well, actually I think I would have enjoyed a little *more* junk food? But the elephant ear definitely made my fair dreams come true nonetheless!) When I buckled the kids in to some of those rides, my heart and mind did all sorts of weird emotional things. I was so happy for them and at the same time sad for myself as I watched them act like big kids, unafraid of anything! Once, Reese got on a ride that she didn't meet the height requirements for and I didn't even notice until she was up in the air in those swings. I kept yelling, "Keep your arms down, Reesie! Hold on!" She was 1000% perfectly fine and completely secured in the seat, but I still had thoughts like, 'Okay I can sprint really fast and catch her if she falls, it won't be that bad!' Praise the Lord that the night just consisted of belly laughs, awesome friends and a wonderful time--the perfect farewell to summer for sure! 

Pssst! The adorable shoes that the kiddos are wearing are from Tsukihoshi
Your Littles definitely need a pair or two (or five!)

It Doesn't Have to be a Battle [Raising a Strong-Willed Child]

There are a few things that people say every time they meet our daughter Reese:

a) She's SO cute!!
b) She has such an amazing personality!
c) Watch out... she's going to give you all a LOT of trouble!

All three of those are very true, but the last one is the one that tends to bring me the most stress. I mean, the girl is not yet three and she has more opinions than a politician.

For instance, I have medium length hair and I can't stand to have it on my neck. By the end of the day I'm hot, tired, feeling absolutely disgusting and 90% of the time, all of that results in me throwing it up in a messy ponytail. When I walk in the front door, Reese exclaims, "No, Mommy!! Don't wear your hair up! Don't wear your hair up!!!!" Seriously it's so bad, that I'm at the point of shaving it. [Not really, but seriously!?] I want to say, "Daughter, I will WEAR my hair however I f'ing choose to!"

The battle of wills has begun and honestly? It can be a little intimidating to have such a strong-willed child. It's not that she's BAD, because she's not. There's a few things that she's realizing: she knows she's funny. She knows she makes people laugh. And as her intelligence grows each day, she is learning that she has choices and a very large voice to make her preferences known.

So here's what I am learning about raising a strong-willed and independent child:

-Giving her choices is uber important (and can also be very trying): which shoes to wear, shirt, shorts, pajamas, toy to bring in the shower or bathtub, which color sippy cup, etc.
-Sometimes a firm redirection just doesn't work. She needs a friendly voice combined with a firm voice more often than not. With our son, we can tell him, "Go clean up your mess," and while sometimes there's a few grumbles, he knows just to do it. With her, being told, "Go do such and such," needs a little extra coaching. "Hey, you can leave those two toys out that you're still playing with, but let's clean up the rest." Usually if we add friendly to firm she starts singing the 'clean up' song and gets the job done.
-Sometimes I need to walk away. This is the area I struggle the most in, and obviously telling my toddlers, "I need a break," and closing a door isn't feasible. But picking my battles is crucial. Is it the end of the world if she leaves the bathroom to brush her teeth? Or if she left three toys out when she they're all supposed to be put away? There are little things that every mom of a 2-year old deals with... and as long as she's listening and obeying? I have to remind myself to breathe and CHILL.
-Catching the positives and praising her often is essential, as is making sure she hears them. I grumble, a lot. And the second she did it back at me I knew I had made a mistake. Guess what? Now she does it ALL. THE. TIME. I didn't even know I had done it audibly but here we are. So when she instead responds to me with, "Okay!" Or, "Yes, Mom," I praise the HECK out of her. There are lots of days when I feel like I am redirecting both kids 24/7, but it's actually helped each of them when I pass out positive affirmations while they are doing something GOOD. These types of moments can be easily missed; the sweet responses, the obedience to small tasks, but noticing them is vital.
-She's doesn't hate me. No, but for real, aren't there some days when you take the things your kids do or say personally? Bedtime has been rough for us lately, mainly for me. She tests every ounce of my limits when it's my turn to put her down. She wants to be funny and try to escape the room or her bed or fight the covers, and it can make me SO angry. And come eight o'clock at night, I'm just TIRED of redirecting kids. But she's not being disobedient because she hates me, she's doing it because for whatever reason she thinks MY rules are guidelines (she doesn't act that way with Dad!) and she needs my help understanding otherwise.
-She seems super strong at times and much more independent than her brother, but she still needs lots of love. She sometimes puts on a hard face and crosses her arms over her chest out of anger and frustration, but often those are the times she needs to be scooped up and hugged the most.

Man is this going to be trial and error though, am I right? Who would have thought that there would be SO many articles on "SWC"  (Strong-Willed Children)?? And it's not even that her brother is perfect or that we don't struggle with him; he's a rule follower and extremely Type A, (completely opposite from her!), but there's learning to be had with mothering him as well (duh, right?)

I have quite a few favorites that she does at the moment: stretching her arms high in the sky faking just waking up, omg, so funny. The way she wants to wait on the porch and watch me leave each day as I head off to work, tears. Her, "I need a hug, Mommy! I need a kiss, a kiss!" on repeat at naptime, bedtime, anytime...oh I love it. How she mothers her babies, singing them 'Sunshine' and rocking them to sleep... a glimpse into what a wonderful mama she will someday be!

Strong-willed children don't translate to bad children. It doesn't mean that they are terrible kids or disobey just to be defiant. I can't even begin to fathom all the GOOD she is going to do. And I really believe that with her Daddy's and I help, she won't allow the world to change her, but that she will change the world. Peer pressure, hopefully she'll breeze right past it. Being a pushover, I don't think that'll ever be an adjective anyone uses to describe her. Her favorite song is 'Fight Song' by Rachel Platten and she especially loves to watch the Supergirl show's Intro (with that as the theme song). She is brave, sweet, loves hard, and her firecracker personality is helping me as her mom grow and be better each day.

**Anyone else have a strong willed child? Or maybe you have a rule follower and are learning how to better parent him/her. Maybe you have both like I do? I always love hearing from you, jot me a note and share your tips and tricks and/or how YOU stay sane ;) **