Worthy of Love and Belonging

I have several authors who I feel as though should be my soul sister, and Brene Brown is definitely at the top.  One of her quotes is one that I will forever want to write in lipstick on my mirror: "You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging." Let me just repeat the end of that sentence again: 

you are worthy of love and belonging. 

Say it aloud. How does it feel coming out of your mouth? Does it feel foreign or strange? Did you mumble it, or say it with pride? Over the last several years I have felt the Lord molding me into a new woman. I really do give thanks to some incredible writers such as Shauna Neiquiest in her book Present Over Perfect, Lysa TerKuerst in Uninvited, and Brene Brown in The Gifts of Imperfection. All of these women have taught me through their words that love, acceptance, security, worthiness--are not solely from people...

all of that and more can be found in the arms of our Creator.

Do you remember being an insecure child? Maybe girls picked on you or made fun of your clothes. Maybe you struggled to make good grades or establish meaningful friendships. Perhaps you were beautiful, perhaps school was easy. Were you good at making friendships with girls but not boys? Did you get along with your teachers? I was great at volleyball and terrible at basketball, hello 5 foot nothingness. So much of what we experienced shapes our understanding of our value, our self worth. At some point we realized exactly how much our lives meant to our families, our friends, and ourselves. What worth did you assign yourself? Have you even really consciously considered your own value? I often wish I could go back to 18 year old Ashley, buy her a cup of coffee, look her in the eyes and say, 

"You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging."

and then I'd sit with her to have a good healing cry.

Sisters, our inability to grasp worthiness and grace starts so early. At some point we started selling ourselves short. At some point, we started believing we were not enough. Romans 3:23-24 says, "For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and ALL are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus." There is something about the phrases "fall short" and "justified freely" that have always convicted me. How can I fall short, yet receive nothing but grace from the One who created me? 

Another favorite author, Timothy Keller, said in his book  The Meaning of Marriage, "...When Jesus looked down from the cross, he didn't think "I am giving myself to you because you are so attractive to me." No, he was in agony, and he looked down at us - denying him, abandoning him, and betraying him - and in the greatest act of love in history, he STAYED. He loved us, not because we were lovely to him, but to make us lovely. The value you feel you earned through a lifetime of experiences pales in comparison to the value that Christ sees in you. He valued you enough to give up His throne in Heaven. To give up his morning coffee with God, His Father. To come to our insecure world, and find His way through it to the cross. 

If the Creator of all things thinks that YOU are valuable enough to die for, what is stealing your worthiness?

Pause. 

I REALLY want you to think about what is stealing your worthiness. What has robbed you of embracing and believing that YOU are enough?

For me, it was being told that I had monkey ears in the fifth grade. Oh I know, that sounds so silly, and in reality, it was. But when the beautiful popular girl makes you, the new girl, feel less than, it sticks. And I refused to wear my hair up for years to come to hide my monkey ears. As an adult, a woman I considered a best friend, blatantly admitted that she wasn't sure she was up for being friends with "Mom Ashley." In both instances, as small or large they may be, made me question my value--my worth. 

At what point do you wish you could go back? Maybe it's eighteen-year-old you, maybe it is younger, or heck, maybe it is current. At what point do you need to be reminded that you are imperfect? You ARE wired for struggle. Was there a girl who made fun of you on the playground? Was there a heartbreaking #metoo moment? You are worthy of love and belonging. The reality is, some of the things we have allowed to shape our self-worth are small and trivial; hello, monkey ears. And some of the things as women we have experienced, have truly affected how we view ourselves, and perhaps forever will. 

Let's remind ourselves though, of our worth. 

Do you remember how you felt in your mother's arms? And how beautiful you felt on your first date? How proud were you to do well on tests? Or laughing with your best friend in high school, until your sides hurt. Getting accepted to college. Picking your first apartment. Buying your first pet. Balancing your budget. Paying off debt. Going after your dreams. YOU ARE WORTHY! You are strong. No one can take away that you are so unconditionally loved and awesome that God himself CHOSE YOU! My favorite part of that very powerful truth is this, He CHOSE ME, long before I chose him. His love, makes me lovely. 

Sisters, to paraphrase Pauls's letter to Colossians "Focus your heart on God and Jesus. Set your minds on his goodness, not earthly pain. For you are hidden within Christ, HE is your life and shares HIS glory with YOU! Which means, you are God's CHOSEN child, holy and dearly loved." (Col. 3) 

If ever I am able to buy you a cup of coffee and look you in the eye to say, " You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging," let that moment be now. 

You are valuable. 
You are loved. 
You are WORTHY.

**This post was written to be used as an article in the second volume of The Bud Co's magazine: Sew and Dew. I highly recommend checking out this Christian magazine, geared to loving and serving women. You can get 20% off your copy when you use the code: ASHLEYSBUDS
Their second volume is 'Worthy' and just $25 (or $20 if you use my code!) Get your copy today here.**

Finding God Amidst the Busy

Happy weekend, Ya'll! I'm working through Lysa TerKeurst's book Uninvited and Ladies, if you haven't grabbed your copy yet, PLEASE CHANGE THAT! I'm basically highlighting the heck out of every paragraph because so much of what she says applies to my life, (did she write this book for me?! Because I feel like she did....??)

This line especially has pulled tightly at my heart strings:

"What is holding my attention the MOST is what I'm truly worshipping."

Lately I have been feeling a lot of conviction from that quote. So much, that I brainstormed with my husband through some of my thoughts, and I thought it would be helpful to share with you. If you know me personally, you know that I have a relationship with Jesus Christ and am very passionate about the dude I call my Savior. But I think that even if you don't consider yourself a Christian, this is still a good self-check to see what you are focusing on, and to see if you need to set some time aside to take a break from what may be distractions.

Are you a mom? A wife? Maybe you're single and you live alone or with a house full of roommates. Regardless of your answer, how do you start your day? For me, my trusty iPhone is my alarm clock, as I'm sure is true for most of you. My phone is actually MOST things that I need: a calendar, a scrapbook, a notepad and journal--it's where I can read my devotionals [though I often forget] and even my Bible. But the first thing I find myself doing when I tap snooze on the screen, is to open Instagram and then Facebook, and mindlessly scroll through social media. NOT because those things are super uplifting or encouraging, not because I'm overly concerned with how many 'likes' a post received the night prior, but because I'm not thinking. OR sometimes it's because I AM thinking, but I'm thinking about the wrong things. Did so and so leave me a comment, or did so and so respond to my message?

"We have to remember that where we pay attention matters more than we know. Our minds and hearts are like dry sponges. What we focus on is what we will soak in and saturate us."

What do you do before bed? What's the LAST thing you look at on and focus on? Your phone or device? Because for me, once again, late at night, the kids are asleep, my husband's fallen asleep (because let's face it, as soon as his head hits the pillow he's blessed to be snoring), and as tired as my mind or heart may be, I can't quickly fall asleep. Every. single. night--I search houses for sale (there are NONE), I peruse Instagram, and I check Facebook.

Is that WRONG of me? No, not really. I'm not really comparing myself to others via the Internet (though I do sometimes!),  I'm not overly worried about the things that exist there; but I know that the fact is, those things do NOT need as much attention from me as they get. As a Christian, I DO long to have a God-centered and focused mind. And I KNOW that what I think about first thing in the morning and the last things I focus on before I fall asleep, those thoughts should be more aimed towards Him. But what can I do? I'm not a drastic 'go cold-turkey' kind of gal. (Basically why I have zero interest in ever doing Whole-30 or any other drastic food plan for my life... oops). But what changes can I make to help me create a more positive mindset? That's what I wanted to talk to you about, because accountability is key and if you're anything like me, you're a busy woman who has a million things on her mind and plate at ALL times. And there's a good chance that social media ALSO has a prevalent place in your day-to-day as well.

'If I want God to be my focus, I must give Him my first thoughts. And if I want my mind to be at peace when I sleep, I must keep my thoughts fixed on His promises at night..."

Something my husband and I talked about was our morning routine. Our kids are super young and 98% of the time we are being woken by one of them. But even if this happens and I want to roll over and close my eyes for 2.5 more minutes, do I need to check Instagram or Facebook? Do I need to open my e-mails and see if anyone reached out or responded to me? Newest conviction: I want to be eighty years old and look back on my life and remember how EVERY morning, my husband and I prayed together. If that can happen before our feet hit the floor, great. And if it can't, I can take that time myself to ask God for some strength, thank Him for allowing me to wake, and for protecting us through the night.

So, step one: Pray as soon as I wake.

I always go downstairs and make our coffee before even looking in the mirror. Most days I'm super rushed and I don't give myself enough time to sit and have any moments of real 'quiet.' But even between the coffee run, brushing my teeth, and applying my makeup I've realized I still have TIME. Do any of you have the She Reads Truth app on your phones? I do and I have for YEARS. So why don't I ever OPEN it? I'm not encouraging that our quiet times or devotionals be rushed, but I'm super convicted that in the 5-10 minutes of slowness in my mornings, I haven't had ANY time with the Lord. Can I read the app during planning or even when I get to work in the morning? Sure. But it's the things that have taken FIRST priority that I just want to CHANGE. Why not check social media or e-mails AFTER I've read a lesson or scripture and had a few minutes of prayer?

Step two, read a devotion and/or intentionally dive into the Word.

Something I have struggled with probably most of my life is that I'm very often a glass half empty type of gal. ONE thing can go wrong and my entire mindset is flipped upside down. I have a tendency to feel trapped by my own agenda; the busy weekends filled with photo shoots, the laundry that needs to get done, the kitty litter that needs to be vacuumed for the 100th timebecause our kitten is CRAZY. So I know that I personally need to work on speaking positively to myself, and I'm wondering if you could benefit from this too?

Step three, speak at least three encouraging truths to myself as a mantra for my day.

Some examples of this could be:
-I will be patient this afternoon with my students (and children) (and husband!) (and SELF!)
-I will be forgiving.
-I will have grace for myself and others when there are moments of error.

And at the end of the day, when everything has come full circle all over again, reflecting on these goals can be incredibly beneficial. Where did I succeed and what are some praises that I have about my day? How did I mess up and where do I need to ask for forgiveness and grace? What can I look forward to tomorrow?

And instead of finishing the day by opening my social media apps, why not practice these instead?

So, step four, set the alarm clock, turn my phone OVER or put it out of reach, and count my blessings.

That sounds SO simple, doesn't it? But I'm a busy working mother, one who tends to overbook, over commit, and who is still learning how to truly prioritize. CLEARLY, I need help prioritizing my spiritual life! But instead of begrudging my tired days; the times I was woken by my small children, the times that they are sick, the laundry that never ends, the floors that need to be cleaned... I want to be excited that the Lord has chosen ME for this life. 

You guys, I'm not saying social media platforms are bad. But you know as well as I do that sometimes they ARE. Sometimes they take away from how carefully we are paying attention to our children (or husbands). Sometimes we respond to our kids like, "Yes, Dear," and "Uh-huh" without even looking up to see WHAT they just begged us to look at. And there are many mornings and many nights that I'm realizing I need to just focus on something else--Someone else. We aren't promised tomorrow, so how can we help our minds, bodies and souls be more pure? 

No More When/Then: Finding Contentment in the Here and Now

Have you ever thought, "When I do _________ then I'll be truly happy." Or if you've probably heard, "You know, when I reached thirty I really figured myself out." And, "When I turned forty, I completely stopped caring what other people thought; I became more secure in who I was." 

Currently, the sun is setting, the breeze is blowing, our globe lights are lit on the deck, my sleeping grey cat is nestled next to me, and I just took a deep breathe.

In.

And out. 

I'm working through the marvelous book Wild and Free by two dear, Christian sisters. I've never been fond at writing in books because I've always thought, "What if I re-sell these or give them to someone else?" but recently I decided to highlight the ish out of whatever speaks to my heart. Talk about self-therapy! It's helped me process words and thoughts SO much more effectively. So on page 132 it says, "We weren't living our dream life, and we certainly weren't living anyone else's dream. But we were alive by the skin of our teeth. We were still together, still standing, and still calling on the name of the Lord." [highlight, highlight, highlight!!!]

Coming from someone who has always had the mindset: When and Then, that paragraph was a major conviction. I mean seriously, for the past few years while I've struggled immensely with finding contentment, my life kind of flashed before my eyes. Here I am, twenty-eight years old, a wife of almost eight years, a mother of two children and I have to stop and remind myself: "We are still together, we are still here, and we daily call on the Lord." 

Not too long ago I wrote an article called, "Why I Stopped Telling My Son to be Big and Strong." There I shared a tidbit of how I've literally wished my entire life away and how I am trying to teach him how to be present. I always wanted a boyfriend and longed for independence; then I moved six hours away and now desperately miss my Michigan home. I dated and longed for marriage (well, only when I had met my husband because prior to him I didn't think I'd GET married.) Then babies. Then a teaching degree. Then a Masters. Then photography. And more photography. And to quit my day job and to stay home with my babies. I've wished for my dream home--ya'll know which one: the white farmhouse with the wrap around porch (that doesn't yet exist or in the very least, we can't find it...)--it has chickens and horses and barn cats and gorgeous green grass for miles on end. 

But wait. 

My happiness can't, or shouldn't, depend on my circumstances. My life is not awaiting peace and complete astounding joy only WHEN I sit on that future (completely hypothetical) front porch. I don't want to "find myself" in two years when I turn thirty (omg..) I don't want to live in the When/Then state of mind anymore.

Sometimes I'm an emotional wreck over the fact that my kids are getting bigger. Newborns, a year, the two's and three's; all these years have been indescribable; they're wrapped in pure chaos but contagious laughter and sweet memories. I fear them getting older--will life be as sweet when they're five, six, ten, fifteen, thirty-five, fifty? All of you experienced moms to older children are reading this and saying, "Duh, Ashley. Don't be dumb." But this is only to show you that seriously, finding and resting in contentment is for ME, continuously challenging. 

I hope that wherever you are in life, you can take a moment as you read and breathe deeply.

In. 

And out. 

Do you have people in your life who love you? Do you KNOW that you are loved? That wherever you are, whatever you've done, you've accomplished some pretty great things? Life might not be going "as you planned." Your heart may long for something deeply; pregnancy, a baby, lots of babies, marriage, to be more fit, to be more secure, to find THE right guy or gal...

I don't know what you long for. But I have absolute faith that God does. 

If you have Wild and Free, will you please turn to pages 135-139? I won't sit here and type out word for word what these ladies say, but there is something here that really meant a lot to me and that I think YOU too will benefit from hearing:

"Wild women are secure in their identity because their eyes are on the Lord...Wild women live at ease with all their weaknesses and strengths, sin and spiritual gifts, because they are inextricably rooted in a God who covers and uses it all...A wild woman doesn't have time or space to feel insecure, because her thoughts and affections are for Him and for how immeasurably great He is" (135). 

Ya'll... I am a blessed woman. But I think you are too. As I sit out back, my kids are pulled up on the monitor via my phone and they are sound asleep. Crickets are chirping, birds are saying their good-nights. Tree frogs are croaking, my cat ditched me but my massive dogs lay beside me, helping me feel safe and protected. Right now there is no When/Then even remotely crossing my mind. Because for right now, God has met me here. 

"For I know the plans I have for you...Plans to prosper you, not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future"-Jeremiah 29:11

Hugs, Sisters and Friends. I love you all. 

A Tribe of Radiance

A long time ago, I submitted my first few articles to a blog called The Radiant Life Blog. Lo and behold, and much to my surprise, the founders e-mailed me some of the sweetest notes of encouragement and chose to publish them. Little did I know that as the seasons changed, that I would eventually be asked to be a columnist of an online magazine for the Motherhood section, by one of those same women. 

The Radiant Life Blog over time took some drastic changes. Founder Kelsey Chapman, stuck with the title Radiant for her current magazine, and after this weekend, I absolutely know why. Through Kelsey, God chose women from all around the globe to join together for two whole days to discuss dreams, visions, goals and share creative inspiration. 

"Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame." -Psalm 34:5

Who would have thought, because I sure didn't, that so many women could be so diverse, all with incredibly unique stories and backgrounds, to share in one single vision: to empower women, near and far, all while seeking the Lord. 

Friday night I made my way to Nashville where I would be greeted by the sweetest, most genuine ladies who I am now blessed to call dear friends. On this Radiant Retreat, we shared our stories, what makes our hearts skip a beat, and then we laughed--a LOT. 

Amongst my notes of what I plan on saying yes to more, I wrote, "intentional and authentic friendships..." For the first time in just a really long time, I felt a sense of community that I've been lacking. As I sat in the middle of the living room couch, surrounded by these Godly women, I saw God's vision for my life come even more clearly in my head. "If I had unlimited resources and funds, I would own a horse farm, get paid to write and take pictures, and empower women and youth," I jotted. 

One way that I realistically plan to empower women is to continue writing two columns a month for Radiant. Am I the expert in Motherhood? Of course not! But I do feel called to be a mom and every single day I am so thankful that God chose ME to mother the two incredible children that I am. I also feel so blessed that walking beside me are 14+ contributors, writing about marriage, dating, fashion, beauty, whole living, fitness, music, and much, much more. It isn't ourselves that we are striving to work for though, it's 100% our Creator, who has helped make Kelsey's dream a reality. 

We aren't perfect. We don't have all the answers. We are going to mess up, make mistakes, and be in need of lots and lots of grace. But my Lord HOW beautiful that all is, am I right?! If you haven't yet made our way to Radiant Magazine, please go NOW. Check out ALL the lovely contributors that are there thus far; curl up in your favorite blanket with a cup of hot tea and read the wide assortment of columns and articles that await. 

A very special thanks to Meredith, who opened up her GORGEOUS home all weekend long, where she provided us with fresh linens, comfy beds, and lots and lots of coffee! I absolutely adore you, Girl, and am so thankful God intertwined our paths!