Do You Blog the Bad Days?

Recently I had the GREAT honor of speaking to my dear friend (Tim Burri's) 5th grade writing classes. As our state's BIG standardized test approaches, in preparation he saw that the students may have 'blog' come up as one of their options for an on-demand writing piece. Because he is the best at tooting my horn, Tim asked if I would come present to his classes and give them some more information on what blogging is, and how voice specifically is important while writing. I had the BEST time with those kids, I'll actually write a full post about my experience there later. One of the questions in particular fits my day today JUST perfectly: "What about when you have a bad day?" a boy in the very front row asked. "Do you blog about it?" Several students actually said super quickly, "No!!!" and I kind of laughed.  

"You know what, Buddy?" I replied. "The BAD days are sometimes the best TO write about." 

So here I am, on a Friday afternoon, my head actually splitting, wishing that our morning had been easier than it was. I am not sure what it is about my son being 'almost five' that seems to have changed his disposition so greatly, but oh mercy has it ever changed. Why is it always something? [I know the answer to that: this is life with little kids, period. But still.] Two was pretty much magical for both of our kids [terrible two's was NOT a thing here,] but both sets of THREE had extreme difficulties. My husband and I have always said that four is the magic number, but some days? I'm not so sure. 

This isn't meant to be a "you-know-what-fest," because my son is wonderful. And I think 95% of the time, he is the sweetest soul. He is considerate, gentle, sensitive, thoughtful, funny, loving, creative, intelligent, he is everything good. But lately, many of his moments are spent being argumentative with me. I feel like I am constantly trying to help him re-word his phrases, to ask for things in a kinder way, and to explain to him when he asks, "why?" that it's BECAUSE I SAID SO! 

Didn't you hate that phrase?! Yet, it seriously comes out of my mouth more times than I care to admit. There is only SO long that you can try to have a rational conversation with a four-year old. Or three-year old. And I'm guessing with a ten, eleven, thirteen, sixteen, eighteen-year old? [Parents of older children, feel free to fill me in in the comments below. Mom, I'm guessing you have a thing or two to say here? Ha ha.] The other thing that has been challenging is that he wants me to force my daughter Reese, to play with him, ALL the time. And Reese will happily play with him for 10-15 minutes [is that short? It feels like a decade....] when suddenly she'll change her mind and say, "I don't want to play with you!" and leaves the room. Even if it's her room. And he SCREAMS for me, "MOM!!! REESE SAID SHE DOESN'T WANT TO PLAY WITH ME!!!!!!!" 

Well, now I'm teaching the 3-year old how to politely express that she may want to play alone, and then the 4-year old that it's OKAY if his sister doesn't want to play. It's just felt like a lot....and tomorrow he'll be super obedient, sweet as pie, and I'll want to eat his face off with kisses. And as I'm sitting here typing, I'm realizing that I don't really like the word 'bad.' Today wasn't bad. It was just hard. It was a lot of saying their names, sitting them down, mediating, teaching, discipling, and mothering. But that's what I want to do. Is to mother. And to teach them, and help them, and be here for them...so really what I'm realizing, is that days like today ultimately just teach ME something, the mom, the grownup, the adult in the room. 

I learned that even in the bad, there's nowhere I'd rather be. 

But now I want to hear from you: 

-What ages and stages were the most challenging for you as a mom? The two's, three's, four's, teen's, twenties....HA! 
-Specifically, do you remember when your kids were three and four? Did your kid have a "threenager" stage? What do you remember about four? 
-What do we have to look forward to about five? Because I'm literally depressed over the fact that my first BABY is turning FIVE in just two months. And he reminds me daily. It's good, right? 
-What have been your FAVORITE stages of your kids' childhood? If you say ALL of it, I may slap you. 
-Next, share ANY single thing you want to share: the good days, the bad, the funniest most recent memory, the most horrific...I want to hear them! Comment below or contact me via the contact page! 

Books, Bunnies, and a BIG TGIF

This has been the longest/shortest week ever. I'm not sure how it's Friday, yet some of our days have felt incredibly long. Some things I've wondered this week: do other moms completely lose their patience? We have some incredibly sweet moments, but come Friday (today) I legit had to call Asa at work to talk with Pierson because I was at my wits END. Anyway, that's perhaps another blog post...and I'm getting this one up later than usual, so I may or may not be even MORE worn out as I try to figure out the good things to say about these five days ;) 

The kids had so much fun decorating for Easter this month and I love how excited they were with some of their crafts [hence why I'm sharing some Easter photos a tad late.]

We spent 99% of our days at our dining room table, but I love it. It's where I read my devotions, journal, and often where we read our Bible stories in the morning. As you all know, I am pro-every-single-holiday so with Earth Day being tomorrow, we did some lessons this week. We talked about the importance of recycling, deciphering what goes in the garbage, and ways to keep the world clean. Pierson impressed me with his sorting and gluing skills; I had a little glimpse into his upcoming kindergarten days :( Sammy is pictured because he has been cracking us UP getting into our fabric boxes, trying to steal the kids craft pom pom balls. Look at his crazy eyes!

The kids got some new books this week, Kingdom of You, and we LOVE them. They are personalized with their names, their favorite things (pasta and ice cream, and superheroes and princesses!), and the pages are full of color and fascinating pictures. I read to both Pierson and Reese their individual stories, and they loved finding their names throughout the pages. If you haven't yet checked out this company Lost My Name, I highly recommend them and their books!

This afternoon was a long one waiting for Daddy to get home... but it was filled with laughter, drinks at the faucet (his favorite thing to do because his cool big cousin/best friend Arie showed him how, haha!!) and princess spins in the dining room. And last but not least, Reese got an adorable new toy, Chloe the Bunny, from Cuddle and Kind. When one doll is bought, ten meals are given to children in need--how awesome is that?! 

Spring Break Part II [Myrtle Beach!]

Alas, the vacation haze has finally lifted and I've concluded editing ALL my many pictures. Myrtle Beach was incredibly beautiful, and our lovely condo was right on the beach. It also had a pool, (and a WARM pool at that) which made post-beach trips so nice. Where we stayed was a four-bedroom space, but the kids really wanted to sleep together. They had two twins bed in their room and it was nice and quiet and dark--aka, they slept SO well. We had a ton of fun with our friends Tim and Clayton, and spent our evenings relaxing and talking in the big living room. I had never been to Myrtle Beach before, and I have a HUGE fear of the ocean [hello, I grew up on the Great Lakes where nothing was scary OR salty!!]; so this trip was really new for me. We are SO thankful we took this trip, and can't wait for more summer trips (to who knows where!) 

We used an amazing bonded leather play mat from Gathre for most of our beach trip; it was super easy to wash off and didn't collect sand like a towel would. The kids loved sitting and resting on it in between their trips to the water. And just like Part I of Spring Break, I hardly ever took off my Gigipip baseball hat because um, hello windy beach days and super salty hair! Ha! 

Hope you've enjoyed seeing our trip through the photos. I think for Asa and I, our favorite part was camping, but we definitely enjoyed the warm weather and beauty South Carolina had to offer as well. 

I Love You to the Moon and Back and I Love You

Print by: Chris Diggs with Haymaker Collective Design Studio

At all times of the day, on all accounts, my daughter wants to know where I am. And if I have plans to leave the house, she wants to know, "Are you coming home? Are you coming back? Will you check on me when you get home?" When it's time for me to go, she's on my heels at the front door yelling, "I love you, Mom! I love you to the moon and back and I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!" Most of the time I laugh and tell her, "Reese, I LOVE you." And she usually doesn't stop repeating that phrase until I have pulled away in my car, her words singing over and over in my head as I drive. 

The same is true at bedtime. My husband and I rotate who puts who down, and if I'm tucking Pierson in, she anxiously makes sure that Asa will leave her door open so that Mommy can come in and hug her. But it's never just a hug. She wants me to sing 'Sunshine,' hug her a certain way, and she shouts, "I love you, Mommy! I love you to the moon and back and I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!" as I close the door behind me. 

Any moms reading this feel like there are days that your heart literally ACHES, because it's throbbing with love so intensely? 

Today is one of those days for me. You know how Facebook likes to bring up all these super heart wrenching and emotional articles on your newsfeed? It's like the computer literally KNOWS that you're already on the verge of tears and that you need just one article to be pushed over to the breakdown side. So today as I scroll,  I choose the one about the sweet and innocent five year old boy who was stolen away by cancer. And I'll read every single word, feeling my heart rate jump through my chest with each one; "110" my Apple Watch read when I finished. And then the tears came. And I lie in my bed, pulling the covers over my face, to actually plead with God to be spared from scenarios like this. But for some of you, this is your REALITY. Cancer, or another life threatening disease, is beating on your ACTUAL door. You stare it in the face daily. You pray hourly, for just one day, for grace to be given, for healing to occur, for relief and peace to be offered. 

And I am reminded that I need to slow the hell down. 

Don't you dare close the door on your daughter who is urgently shouting out her love to you! Don't tell her to be quiet or that she doesn't need to say it over and over as you leave her room for the night. Don't take for granted, that your children need you. That they don't just need you, but that they actually WANT you. To be by your side, to hold your hand, be picked up by you. To hear you say in return, "I love YOU to the moon and back and I love you, I love you, I love you!" Don't be so easily annoyed, agitated, stressed out, overwhelmed. Don't TAKE them for granted.

Because as you blink, the thief Time, is closing in. If I am a betting woman, then I bet in a few years my daughter will have forgotten her incessant need to be with me. She'll be in school, surrounded by hundreds of elementary students and her new focus will be getting good grades, experimenting in sports, making friends, and figuring out WHO she is. And if in a few years she is still attached to my hip, then it'll be a few years past that. And I'll be talking to all of my friends wondering, "Where did the time go?" 

Some of you have lost a child. Or you've gotten close. Or you ARE close. And my heart is with you right now asking God WHY. I don't get it, I don't understand, I don't like it, I can't fathom it, and it just hurts. Please know that I am trying to NOT take my healthy children for granted. And some days I will write posts ranting about tired I am, how my back hurts from the toys I've picked up and the house I've spent hours cleaning. I'll write about how they exhaust me, or that I don't know how single mothers do it (because I DON'T know how and I think you're really fricking amazing if that is your reality). I'll vent about my daughter's neediness and her three-year old sassafras, and I'll say things like, "Lord HELP me," when making mention of the two humans I've been called to raise. But I want you to know that I see you. I hear you. And literal tears fall as I can mention some of you by name who are in a VERY difficult season of trials and tribulation: 

My cousins, Amanda and Mike with baby Jada, who just had a Thymus transplant. The hospital has been their second home, all the meanwhile they're raising Jada's big brother Odyn. They have done it all with grace, as they share their story and constantly lift their family's life up in prayer. 

My very dear friend Andrea and her family, as they help their son Drew fight his B Cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. Their struggle has been so real, and this three-year old is near and dear to my heart as I've photographed him every year since he was a newborn! He has begun the "Delayed Intensification" phase of chemo, and needs a ton of prayer [as do his amazing parents and big sister, Amelia]. 

As a mom of two young ones, there are days that I feel more worn out than usual. And sometimes it takes heart wrenching Facebook articles to remind me that I need to suck it up and do my job with way more happiness than I sometimes do. To those of you hurting, questioning, fighting, and battling the things that you are, please know that I am praying. If you are new here or you're going through something I don't know, don't *ever* hesitate to e-mail and fill me in so that I can add you to my prayers. 

To my children, no matter how healthy or sick you are, I love you to the moon and back and I love you, I love you, I love you. May I never forget these toddler phrases, or the way their voice sounds when they say them. May we also never forget to lift one another up in prayer and to be each other's arms wide open.