Are You There God? It's Me, Ashley

I haven't been to the gym in like, a decade. After running the Mini Marathon I decided that I needed a break. Sooooo, except for the few occasional outdoor runs I've done, I've pretty much done absolutely nothing workout wise. When my friend Liz invited me to go this morning, I said yes. Mainly because I missed her and we desperately needed to catch up, and also because it was a perfect chance to get my daughter out of the house to play with some friends her age [my son was spending the morning with a cousin.] As we 'briskly walked,' as we like to call it, I confided in Liz my frustrations spiritually in this season.  

"It's not that I'm suddenly denouncing God or walking away from my faith," I said. "I am just in a season of struggling to find hope." We went on to talk and I told her that I just didn't get why MANY things were happening. Like my oldest brother who has severe special needs for instance. He suffers, SO MUCH. He has colitis and osteoporosis and a motility disorder, and really, the list could go on. But why? For what? It's so hard sometimes to believe the good in a Heavenly Father when you witness the most innocent man on the planet suffering; it just is. And then the five acre horse farm that we put on offer on, that we didn't get. That night I sat in our backyard, told my husband I needed to be alone, told my mother I couldn't talk on the phone because I wanted to be alone, and I just sobbed to God. When I can't talk to those two people, you know I'm not in a good place.

"It sounds like you're living the Judy Blume book, Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret," Liz said. I laughed and said, "OH my word, you nailed it!!" 

Tuesday of this week a photographer came and took pictures of our house for the future sale listing. Wednesday late afternoon, the listing went live and within a few minutes, our first showing was scheduled. Wednesday MORNING, as tears fell down my cheeks the second my feet touched the ground, I prayed this: 

"God, I'm not really happy with you right now. I don't believe that you care where we end up. I don't have a lot of trust in you. I don't have much hope. But if you could make something cool happen today? That would be great." 

Here's how it looks getting ready to show our house: 

-Quickly bake chocolate chip cookies
-Set out the printed letter(s) to prospective buyers, as well as the renovation sheet
-Sprint to make sure all the rooms are in excellent order and trashes are taken out
-Put a bowl of water outside, push the black cat Sammy outdoors
-Put the orange cat, Alfie, in cat carrier to take with us
-Load the dogs in the car and drop off in one of the siblings' fenced backyards
-Load the kids and Alfie in the car, and be gone for however long

I took an Instagram story video yesterday of the litter box on my lap, Alfie sandwiched between the kids, and the dogs panting, Humphrey barking in the trunk. "I hope our house sells quickly," I said. 

We returned home, saw that most of the cookies had been eaten, and there was a note that said, "Thank you so much, your house is BEAUTIFUL." No sooner did our shoes come off was our realtor calling my husband. We both thought that for sure if it was an offer, it would be below our asking price of $175. I heard Asa laugh and say, "Wow, before I just tell you yes, I know that I still need to talk this over with Ashley." Um, what? Duh you have to talk to me! 

We had just been given an over our asking price offer. They were approved for a conventional loan, said that they loved the house exactly as it is, and were flexible (July 31st) with a close date. They wanted an answer by 10pm last night. If you follow me on Instagram or are friends with me on Facebook, you've already seen what we decided: a big giant YES! 

No more house showings? No more stress or trying to keep the house in perfect show ready condition? No more animals being shuttled, no more drop of the hat living? YES! I knew that I needed to thank God, because very clearly, this was a God given offer. I believe that He was so generous that when I had asked him that morning to 'do something cool,' He responded with, "Okay, Daughter. Here." I mean, who sells their house after ONE showing, to the first family who walks in the door?? US, that's who! 

 I am grateful, and I believe that was a God ordained gift. Except I can't lie to you. I am still having a hard time trusting the next steps. Does He CARE where we end up? Does it matter to HIM which house we end up in? What part of town? Does He care that I want a horse; that my heart LONGS for a horse? Wasn't it Him who created me with my desires, with these dreams? I have to believe yes. Even though it's hard.

My sweet sister-in-law Ali in Rhode Island texted me yesterday and I have to share her words when I explained to her my loss of hope: 

"There is Biblical evidence that God can and DOES order the most specific, tiny details of our lives. Not to mention the flowers dressed beautifully or the sparrows that He knows. He is looking out for you guys. Even when, especially when, it hurts." 

Guys, I am SO super thankful to Jesus for selling our home within HOURS of it being on the market. I think that is a miracle that HE performed, that HE orchestrated. But I hope you can still understand that there's a big giant part of me over here, curled up in this home of mine with my arms stretched high and I'm asking,          

 "Are You There, God? It's ME, Ashley."  

Where will we go? We aren't sure just yet. I guess you'll have to stay tuned ;) 

Vacationing On the Gulf: Our Summer Kickoff

Last summer, Asa and I planned a trip to Gulfport, Mississippi WITHOUT the kids and looking back, I am completely shocked that it happened. Between the kids' strep throat, fevers, and body rashes; not to mention the MULTIPLE people left in charge switching shifts to care for them, well, I'm in awe. [To the other Glass Family, we completely still owe you for all you did for us that week!!! Holy goodness we are forever grateful!!!] 

Anyway, one of my dear friends Chelcey, hooked us up in a Courtyard Hotel because she has family ties here, and it was everything we needed, and more. A suite with great air conditioning, a giant pool outside, and amazingly friendly staff--not to mention the OCEAN being directly across the street. We had such a sweet time that we knew we'd bring our kids back, if we could. Lo and behold, arrangements were made for this summer, and we've had this trip on the books for months. We drove ten hours from Louisville all the way here, with only two very short stops. Pierson (turns 5 in two weeks) and Reese (3.5) are constantly amazing me with their travel skills!!! Minimal complaining, several naps, good lunches, and lots of movies--we made it! 

So, how's it been? 

It's been GREAT. We stayed in another suite, with two adjoining rooms, and we brought a queen sized air mattress for Reese. Pierson used the pull-out sofa for his bed, and they slept side by side every night. Between hours spent at the pool and beach, our littles one took amazing two hour plus naps EVERY day. Sunshine + water = the BEST nap equation. 

The first night, we walked on over to Shaggy's Restaurant, one of our favorites from last summer because of the atmosphere. It has an amazing deck and patio, and you can hear the waves crashing on the beach right across from you as you eat. Two of our other dinners were spent at Tony's Brick Oven Pizzeria, where the kids were given fresh dough to play with; and Asa and I indulged in freshly cooked pizza and/or pasta. It's definitely our favorite FOOD of the trip, but we love both restaurants. One night we ordered Dominos Pizza to the room and sat in bed in our pajamas, watching a movie and completely vegging out. Figuring out food in a room with no kitchen was a little tricky, but it all completely worked out. Their breakfasts and lunches we were able to do in the room, and of course, all the snacks galore. 

Gulfport is a quiet town, recovering from 2005's Hurricane Katrina. MOST of the town was completely demolished by that storm, including over 40 libraries, and so many other businesses. There are a lot of spaces for sale, that have been empty for SO long. Asa and I daydream about buying one of the newly built craftsman homes here and using it as a vacation rental. With restaurants within walking distance, and our kids being able TO walk the distance, it's been such a fun trip for all of us. I never would have fathomed that our 3 and 4-year old would do SO well being in a brand new place, ten hours from home, sleeping well, and staying in good spirits, but I guess that goes to show you how clueless I am? 

We aren't in another country or traveling around Europe, but we're doing just fine exploring what we have in the U.S and I think we're enjoying every minute! North and South Carolinas this past spring, Michigan often, and now Mississippi as a family--how cool is that?? 

Anyway, here are a few of my favorite pictures. I actually didn't take that many, (I know, you're scoffing), and only used my camera a couple days out of the trip. I had wanted to take *so* many more, but it did rain, a LOT, so I'm in love with what we did get :) I also didn't wash my hair like, the entire time, and now I'm convinced I just need to live on or close to an ocean soooooooo. 

Precious Keepsakes from Lisa Leonard's Jewelry

Every year for Christmas or our anniversary, my husband has asked, "Would you like any jewelry?" Up until now (the past month), I just haven't seen anything that I thought I would consistently wear. I am not what I would call an 'accessory gal,' or someone who wears bracelets or earrings, etc. That all changed when I discovered Lisa Leonard and her BEAUTIFUL shop. 

It didn't hurt that I saw a bunch of these beauties floating around my Instagram feed, and when I saw her sterling silver stacked rings, I knew those were it. Hand molded and customizable, they are honest to goodness my favorite accessories that I've worn in YEARS, besides my wedding ring. 

These rings can be customized with words or a short phrase, and they can be stacked for a modern and chic accessorized look. I love having Pierson and Reese's name right on my fingers; every time I look down to type or write, I see them, and I think they're the most heart-felt jewelry a mama could wear. 

I actually received these rings right around Mother's Day, and they meant (and will forever mean) SO much to me. What is it about Motherhood that sometimes makes us mamas so emotional? When you see your children's names, do you immediately think back to finding out when they were in your belly? Or the labor and delivery? The first weeks and months, the many milestones, the fact that they REFUSE to slow down growing up wise?! 

Lisa [the creator and founder of this brand] is a beautiful soul. Her story about her OWN journey of motherhood is touching, emotional, raw, and incredibly heartfelt. I'm blessed to be a part of her business; to have received these rings and to promote her story. 

Being Pierson and Reese's mama is one of my greatest callings. I believe that God is telling a beautiful story through my children, and I am honored to walk in front of them, to guide and direct them in this great big world. There is something magical about this season of life, probably about the the many NEXT seasons of life, and Lisa Leonard is 100% about embracing the magic. Please, check out her website, her blog, and read part of her family's story. I haven't taken these rings off since I got them, and I am forever grateful I stumbled upon her business through the world of social media! 

Kissing the SAHM Life Goodbye: My Thoughts and Prayers

Well y'all, as quickly as my time off began, it's now quickly coming to an end. Feeling emotional while the kids nap [does that happen to you??], I went back and read some old posts of mine. It literally feels like yesterday that I was counting down until Christmas break and looking forward to the months I would be blessed to stay home with my kids. Now here we are...I go back to my classroom in TWO weeks [only for four days, and then it will be summer vacation], and I'm like, "HOW!??!" 

Lastnight in bed, I started to pray. I apologized because honestly, it's been a little too long since I had a sincere heart to heart with the Lord; and I just asked for guidance. Previously I had said during this season, I had wanted to write more, get more serious about the blog, and book more sessions--and guess what? That just didn't really happen. I did a few sessions sure, and I have a few weddings in the coming year, but I wasn't slammed. And when I opened my laptop to write, usually I couldn't find the words or motivation to get my fingers moving. This has been a season of motherhood, and as I sit and reflect, I am so grateful for that. 

I'm a good teacher. I've taught for six years, in a self-contained elementary classroom; teaching all subjects, and meeting HUNDREDS of children along the way. I love fifth graders especially, their humor and sarcasm [or attempts anyway] and when they really start digging deep to figure out who they are. I LOVE teaching writing and inspiring kids TO write. I like interacting with my co-workers and having adult conversations. But at the same time, the thought of working a five day a week job again...it really makes me sad. 

My son Pierson will start kindergarten in August [THREE months from now, ahhhh!] and our sweet Reese will be all by herself. She's never known a day without her brother, and she definitely hasn't been away from him all day every day! We don't yet have a sitter for her, and it makes me SO emotional to think that I won't be the one with her each day. Especially her by herself, will be SO fun; she'll be four in September and her personality is just bursting with greatness each and every day. What I wouldn't give to do preschool lessons and 'field trips' with my baby girl. But it's just not the case. 

I asked God to give me this time to focus on being Mom, and He answered. Back in November, I wrote this:

There is one thing that I DO know though...that I need this time with my kids. With my son going to kindergarten August 2017, I know that I will be so thankful for these next few months. We aren't sure when our daughter will start school, as our school district just changed the date and age kids need to be when they enroll; so as of now, she may start the year right after him, or she may have to wait two years. Regardless of what happens, if I go back to work full time, part time, or WHATEVER, having these coming months to focus more on being MOM, sounds so wonderful.

The last four months, I definitely focused on being Mom. I think, and have to trust, that God wants me back in the classroom for a while longer. I don't think it's unfeasible that I'll be able to get more paying jobs and possibly in the future get the chance to stay home again, but that time is not now. Reese will definitely be home next year, but we aren't sure yet about the following. If there's a chance she can enroll in kindergarten early, we may look into that because she is SO intelligent, especially socially. But if she does stay home for two years, *maybe* I'll get to stay home again the second year?  

I had written another post back in December about my goals during this time off. It was pretty humbling to re-read them today, so let me share with you how those have panned out ;) 

1. Eat breakfast [at the table] with the kids and read a devotional while they eat
2. wash my face and everyone's teeth [maybe throw in a shower?] ;) 
3. start a routine of school work with them / letters, sight words, science projects, SOMETHING...
4. read aloud daily, other than at nap/bed time
5. go for a walk or play out back before naps
6. if laundry gets done, put it AWAY. this never happens [am i the only one?]
7. eat lunch. be healthy. take care of me. 
8. if i don't make it to the gym, do at least one Suzanne Bowen workout a week
9. write for at least 15 minutes a day, whether journaling or in this space
10. cook/prepare 1 meal a week, since my husband is THE chef of the household

Basically, I never cooked a meal... I think I did once? Tacos or something? No wait, I also made a meatloaf and mashed potato dish. Sorry, Babe! I DID brush my teeth daily (you're welcome!) and for the first few months, we were in a great swing of 'school' in the morning. We focused on letters the first several weeks and did fun crafts with things that started with whichever letter (like 'P' we made and designed pizzas and talked about penguins and popcorn, etc.) We went to the park a lot, rarely out back though. I have been *pretty* good about laundry, even putting it away, though this hasn't religiously happened and I do often ask for my husband's help if we let it get away from us during the week. I definitely did not work out, other than running, but that goal was made before I ran the mini marathon so maybe that one isn't a fail? And I didn't write daily...as much as I wish I had. During the kids' naps I was often tired and accepted the fact that it was OKAY to lie down or just rest! 

I'm pretty good at NOT knowing what the future looks like. But it's been really humbling and a huge eye-opener, that I can always look back and see how God answered prayer and opened or closed doors. A year ago I was dreaming of staying home, unsure if it would ever happen, and then look. Then, I prayed for some quiet and a season of stillness, and that's what I'm currently living! Though it's hard, and definitely bittersweet, I am surrendering my future yet again to Him. 

Pierson will do great in kindergarten. Reese will be well cared for and loved. I will make a difference in the classroom. And everything is going to be just fine. 

That was my little benediction to myself, but in all seriousness, I could use your prayers and well wishes. I literally do NOT know where the time went. The saying, "The days are long but years are short," is beyond true. Some days have been so hard, but I wouldn't have traded them for anything in the world!