Mom, What Are You Scared Of?

In our house, we rotate bedtimes. Honest to goodness since the time they were no longer breastfeeding, my husband and I have switched on and off. If he puts Reese down, I put Pierson down. Sometimes there's the nights where that can't happen; I'll be shooting a wedding or have photography sessions for instance and Asa will do them both--or we'll flip flop because one kiddo has requested the other parent. But 95% of the time I think it's pretty routine that we just switch. 

Recently it was my turn with Pierson. Tis' the season for all things Halloween, so he set out ALL the books that he had related to this holiday. We decided on Happy Halloween Little Critter, and before we began he rolled closer to me and asked, "Mom, what are YOU scared of?" 

I could have told him that I used to be deathly afraid of praying mantis, (ahem, still am) or how I still fear pretty much ALL living creatures besides dolphins in the ocean...but I kind of froze. I decided to just matter of factly say, "Well, Buddy--most adults aren't really scared of things such as the dark, or monsters, or spooky things like that; we're more afraid of other things. I guess what I'm scared of is being a bad mom." 

He straight up laughed, y'all!

"MOM!" he giggled. "You're not a BAD mom! That's just silly!" 

And in that moment, I believed him. Five years of his life have come and went. His babyhood is a blur. I remember finding out I was pregnant with him, being excited that we would have a summer baby. I remember his first birthday, and trick or treating indoors when he was two because it was pouring out; he knocked on all the doors with his cousins and screamed "trick or treat!" I remember being terrified that I would break him. Surely my lack of knowledge in the motherhood department would at some point just utterly FAIL, and he wouldn't turn out okay. 

Except that he did... and he has. And while his babyhood is a blur, his childhood is becoming a raw and vivid memory because that's the season we are in. I sit here and I wonder, in their short amount of time--their four and five years of living on this Earth, will they remember the wrongs? 

I doubt any child remembers their youth as being perfect (because parents are human, and WE, are human). But lately I've wondered, how will they remember me? Pierson is my sensitive soul. If I raise my voice even a smidge, he winces and closes his eyes. I didn't lay a finger ON him, yet somehow his heart is shattered and his feelings are in disarray all over the ground. And then there's his sister, who I for the life of me and honest to God, cannot figure out. She can be so head strong and so TOUGH, and most days it doesn't feel as if anything I say or do affects her whatsoever. Can you guess what that translates to for me...? 

Anger. 

A LOT of anger. I often feel that my life is a permanent profession of redirecting and saying phrases like, "Please stop. DON'T do that. You NEED to listen. You need to go to time out. Okay, I'm done. NO!" And then I remind myself--I am currently teaching kindergarten through fifth grades AND I have a four and a five year old at home. Oh, hello! 

But this really isn't about her--or him. It's about moms. And the fact that I think there are a LOT of you who are scared of being bad at your job. But the truth is, you aren't. I just bought Jen Hatmaker's newest book, "Of Mess and Moxie," and it arrived at THE perfect time. She said this, which I just loved: 

"Friends...I believe we can take a handful of things quite seriously as parents and take the rest less seriously, and it is all going to be okay. You are doing an amazing job. Your children know that they are loved and have felt it all these years deeply, intrinsically. If we get seven out of ten things mostly right as moms, we are winning the majority, and the majority wins the race." (Pg 17). 

It's actually taken me over a month to finish this post, because guess what, today we just set up our CHRISTMAS TREE. No, Thanksgiving hasn't even passed, but I'm a blogger and our family LOVES Christmas so yeah, we're way early. But the truth is, this fear of mine hasn't changed. I think it was ingrained in me before my son ever entered this world and I'm not certain that it will ever go away. But maybe it's okay to be a little scared. Maybe it's okay that we STRIVE for goodness--that we don't give up, that we keep going, that we keep praying, and disciplining, and hugging, and crying. 

Maybe it's okay that we want to be good moms. And maybe it's okay that sometimes we are scared. 

Gather with Havertys: Finger Food+ Charcuterie Style

Sometimes fancy meals and extensive dinners are fun, but other times you crave simplicity. This past Sunday we had so much fun sitting on the floor, eating in our newly designed living room (thank you, Havertys!!!), and laughing with dear friends. My husband enjoyed choosing the foods for this meal, and my big requests were pesto, a fresh baguette, and a variety of cheeses. Guess what, Y'all? He did NOT disappoint!! 

I've had so many compliments on this cocktail table from Havertys, so go ahead and click here to see more details. It definitely served us well this warm autumn afternoon. We had refreshing cranberry mock-tails mixed with Asa's homemade simple syrup--keep reading for the recipe! 

We did a mix of charcuterie boards and antipasto. Fresh baguettes, peppered salami, roasted red peppers, Swiss cheese, gruyere, prosciutto, grapes, sun-dried tomatoes, (I may have begged for a cheese ball) fresh mozzarella (aka HEAVEN), and, you betcha--pesto! Ha ha!  

Oh, you see that NAVY BLUE SOFA up there behind all that delectable food? Don't worry--you can have one too! Click here to check it out, and remember, you can design your dreams away with H Designers through Havertys, and ALL the employees are super helpful. And the insanely plush and comfy rug that my sweet senior dog is on? Check that here! 

We try to have special Sunday meals regularly throughout the month, and to make them a really memorable event. It's one of my favorite days of the week because all of this, right here, is unforgettable. What you can't hear through the photos is our son Pierson writing letters to Santa and asking us how to spell certain words. And our daughter Reese laughing and walking around with her backpack on, getting ready for 'work.' 

It's always a good day when the kids enjoy the food too--and as you can see, ours did. There was one dilemma... all of the animals felt that the table was perfectly at THEIR level? So keeping them away was quite the struggle. Don't judge me on this photo below ;) 

The rest of the afternoon was spent pretty much outdoors, or else running up and down the stairs and playing all sorts of silly games. One of Pierson's favorites is to dangle his legs out of the banister to get Asa to jump up and grab them. The living room has been our spot, where we sit and mingle and talk and catch up. It's also where we ended the night to start The Grinch; truth be told the weekend had me exhausted and my KIDS had me exhausted--and just sitting in quiet to watch a Christmas movie was really divine. (#momlife)

Okay, and now for the sweet twist to this blog post: Asa's Cranberry Simple Syrup Recipe: 

-Combine 1 cup of sugar, and 1/2 a cup of water.
-Bring to a boil. Add in 6oz of fresh cranberries, and the juice from two oranges.
-Toss in the whole oranges (rind and all). Add 1 tbsp cinnamon, and 1 tsp each clove and allspice. Simmer until thickened.
-Pour everything in a blender and let her rip. Strain the pulp reserving the syrup for your mocktail.  
-For the mocktail fill your shaker with ice. Its very important you shake this drink. Add in 1oz of the cranberry simple syrup, and 4 oz of sprite or club soda. (I suppose you could always add a little rum or bourbon it that's your thing.) Shake well.
-Serve with a little twist of orange. 

Now I'd love to hear from YOU! What is your favorite FOOD memory; it can entail something that you cooked, your mom cooked, or that you would die to know HOW to cook. And you know that I adore Shauna Niequist, so I'm leaving you with one of her endearing quotes: 

"Gather the people you love around your table and feed them with love and honesty and creativity. Feed them with your hands and the flavors and smells that remind you of home and beauty and the best stories you’ve ever heard, the best stories you’ve ever lived."

What You Don't Know About Bad Kids

I guess you could call me a jack of all trades kinda gal. Not in the sense that I am an excellent cook, house cleaner, repairman type of lady--but I do a lot of different things professionally. You know me as a blogger, a social media influencer, and/or professional photographer...but the one that I don't talk too much about here, is that I am a full time special education teacher.

It has actually been seven years that I've been in the classroom. After undergrad, I got my Masters degree in special education, with a specialty in emotional behavior disabilities (as well as learning disabilities). My sister in law worked (still works) at a children's' psychiatric facility and after subbing there several times, I knew that's where I wanted to be too. I was drawn to the type of students that were there, and I felt as if it would be there I could make the most difference in children's' lives. Flash forward some, and that's exactly where I ended up.

To me there is a really big difference between kids who grow up having resources, who live in safe and loving homes, compared to those who have been in and out of foster care and who haven't been shown what appropriate and safe love looks like. The word 'bad kid' gets tossed around both in social circles and really, in society as a whole. Are either kid, those who have 'normal' lives and those that don't, bad? No, I don't think that's the proper word to use; but I want to take some time to talk about the latter of our youth--the ones who are shifted from family to family, who don't have a stable home, and how really I believe society has no idea WHY these children are demonstrating 'bad' behaviors.

A homeless child is one who doesn't have a regular or fixed nighttime residence, so that means kids who are not living with their parents, or legal guardians; and those who live in shelters, hotels, who transition from juvenile justice programs, and between foster care. As of 2015, Kentucky was actually ranked as being one of the worst states for youth homelessness. I really had NO idea what this meant or rather, what it looked like, until I had my first [that I KNEW of] homeless student. Every single day, he came into my classroom angry, looking to pick fights with peers, finding ways to be defiant with me, and he was rarely ever interested in school work. I never knew until one day I asked him to come out in the hallway with me to speak privately. "How are you doing, Man?" I asked him. "Eh, I'm okay. My mom is getting a new van which will be better to sleep in." "Sleep in??" I asked. "Yeah, we just have a four passenger car right now and I can't sleep."

Here I was, teaching a math lesson [I remember it well], and getting frustrated that this student wasn't paying attention...and he didn't have a BED to sleep in. He was in fourth grade, y'all...already labeled as an EBD kid (emotional behavioral disorder), and yet we wonder WHY some of our youth act up? I know how nice of a person I am when my sleep gets cut short in my own plush, comfortable bed...let me tell you how great I would do sleeping in a CAR.

In a 2013 article it was recorded that the amount of kids in my county who do NOT have a place to call home, would fill 176 school buses. There were over 12,000 students recorded as being homeless during the 2011-2012 school year, and that the percentages range from 4% to 26% within the district and their different regions. Let's hope that numbers have changed drastically since that information is five years old, but I didn't do extensive research. Are behaviors chalked up to only the homeless kids though?

My husband is also a teacher; he specialized in the same field, but he works in a regular school setting. (Whereas I am technically in a special school within the district, if that's confusing.) He has a second grade student who was left home alone ALL night, while her mom went to work. The student was told 'to go to bed,' and that her grandfather would pick her up in the morning. Do you think this eight year old slept well that night? Or came into my husband's classroom ready to do SCHOOL work? What about the child who was locked in a cage for most of his early life? He was fed through bars, locked in the dimly lit basement, and abused when he was out of it. Probably many of you have read the well-known book A Child Called It? Did you know that that book is not so far removed from reality of today's youth? 

Before I became a teacher and was put face to face with the students such as these, I had NO idea. My education was fairly nondescript, not in a bad way at all. I just mean that I don't really remember my classmates having aggression or fits of rage or mood swings or opposition towards teachers. That doesn't mean it wasn't there, it just means I wasn't exposed to it. My personal childhood wasn't perfect, but I was deeply loved and because of that, I built resilience towards the things that I faced in life. Many of the students I have are enduring trauma time and time and time again, and their developing brains are NOT able to build resilience. Most people are able to adapt to life-changing situations or stressful circumstances because they have a healthy dose of resilience; but this is something that requires time and effort, and a process that involves numerous steps. Relationships that foster love and trust is one of the number one ways to help boost an individual's resilience--so think about the children who know nothing about this. Having positive role models who offer encouragement and reassurance is another important step--and what if your role model was a drug addict, or a guardian who never built you up? 

I recently heard someone say, "Oh he's just bad," in regards to a former student, and honestly, that's what triggered this post. Even my students will apologize in sentences such as, "I'm sorry I was bad, Mrs. Glass." Or say, "My goal today is to not be bad." We have conversations OFTEN about how each and every child that is in my classroom is not a BAD child. Whether or not you choose to believe the phrase, 'there's no such thing as a bad child,' from the bottom of my heart, I think over half of struggling children are the products of their environments. Really aren't we all? Each child has the strength and resilience to overcome their environment, but the sad reality is that most do not realize their strength until it is too late. Part of my calling is to teach children how to overcome the obstacles life throws at them--much like a parent is supposed to do. 

Maybe you are a parent, like me. And maybe you too are a fellow teacher. Wherever you are and no matter your role, I encourage you to re-think the adjective 'bad,' and as hard as it is (coming from experience) try to be more patient with a struggling child. Some of us may NEVER know the type of environment a child is being raised in, but I can tell you that for too many, it isn't a good one. 

**There are no bad children. There are bad choices. There are bad moments. There are bad situations. But there are no bad children. Period." -L.R. Knost "The Gentle Parent."

A Family that Rides Together: Our Partnership with Kent Bicycles

Oh the memories of my childhood riding bikes with my big brother Sean! I still remember the first time I rode a bike, and of course the very first spill. We had a gravel driveway at that time and little stones were stuck inside my kneecap. I remember sitting on the bathroom sink with my mom, while she patiently cleaned up my hysterical mess of a self, making sure every scratch and boo boo was kissed and taken care of. But do you know what's kind of funny...? I don't remember the last time I have RIDDEN a bike. 

Well, that is until now! 

When this partnership first came on the horizon, I thought to myself, "Seriously, Ashley. You haven't ridden a bike in probably a decade." But wait, it has to be longer than that because a decade ago, I was nineteen and a college freshman. Was it middle school?? High school?? [Side note to my mother who I know reads my blog: WHEN was the last time I rode a bike?!?]

Kent Bicycles reached out to me just as school was starting in August. When they asked if Asa and I would also benefit from their bikes, we of course excitedly told them YES. Our kids love riding bikes, and they were just on the cusp of completely outgrowing theirs. Reese's fourth birthday was also on the outskirts and what better birthday present than a NEW BIKE!? We let Pierson choose his from the catalogue, and we let Reese browse, but didn't make the promise of one to her (as we wanted it to be a surprise). She saw an adorable pink Pinkalicious one and she squealed with delight--Pinkalicious is one of her FAVORITE book character's, and we read them often at her bedtime. Kent was amazing to work with us so quickly, and sure enough, we had it in time for her birthday party! 

Is it super obvious Reese had a princess themed party? And she was thrilled when she opened her eyes and saw her dad rolling the bike up to the deck! [Thank you, Kent Bikes for making this SUCH a fun present and surprise!!] 

Pierson chose an awesome green bike that will be perfect for him as he grows. It has front pegs for stunts [later, Pierson, LATER!!!] and maximum braking control with coaster brakes AND front/rear brakes. He is already zooming all over the subdivision on it and is excited for the day that he can try those pegs ;) 

I wanted a bike that would be comfortable and easy to ride [I was actually scared that I had maybe forgotten how to?! Don't laugh!] And it turns out, the one that I chose was the perfect fit (that I am doing just fine riding by the way, haha). The Northwoods Ladies Pomona is super cute, lightweight, and is the perfect city bike.

Asa has a road bike that he rode around our park, but it is really old and worn. There's of course nothing wrong with a well worn bike, but he thought it would be fun to pick something brand new and a little on the different [for him] side. The Retro Hybrid Bike was calling his name, and he LOVES it. We have gotten so many compliments as we ride together through the neighborhood and lots of friends ask where we got them from. 

Kent made sure we were well prepared safety wise, and sent some great helmets for the kids too. Pierson has had one pretty big wipe-out on a large hill in the subdivision, and we were incredibly grateful that he had it on!! 

What I am most excited about is the memories that we'll continue to make while on these bikes. Motherhood is a constant rollercoaster; lots of ups and downs--but these days really are fleeting, I know that it won't be long that my kids are cruising around the neighborhood without necessarily needing me, and I am so thankful that in THIS season, we often all go together. 

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. -Albert Einstein

Thank you so much, Kent Bikes, for sponsoring this post and helping our family stay on the move!