Marry a Man Who Can Fold Fitted Sheets (the RIGHT way)

Lately I have seen a mixture of blog posts from different authors, thanking their husband’s for being the men that they are. (Way to go, Ladies. I really believe our men deserve SO much more credit than they are often given!) I actually sent one to my husband, but in that woman’s list, I kept thinking, “That doesn’t REALLY sound like me.” Because it wasn’t, obviously. Also because she thanked hers for not complaining when she’s the first to shower and uses all the hot water, and that didn’t align to our marriage ;) He makes it well known that he prefers me to shower the night before, as to NOT use up his morning hot water—haha! Love you, Babe. But really, I think there are a lot of posts on motherhood and how ‘moms do so much,’ and that is why I want to share a blurb here, with you, and for my husband. Because my husband does a LOT, and he deserves a TON of credit for helping our house be a happy home. A little side note, have you met my husband? Maybe you have seen him on my Instagram account through stories and when we have shared ‘live’ before. And many of you do probably know him personally. But if you don’t…

He is tall, dark, and handsome. No, really. He is six foot four, has Italian genetics, and he’s INCREDIBLY good looking. Some may think I married up, and I will happily admit that.

But more than those things, my husband works his butt off in every single thing that he does. And one of the things that he does the VERY best, is being Dad to our two children. He is THE most patient person I am convinced, in the whole world. While my temper is prone to show its’ ugly face in the heat of our children’s whining and bickering, he is tried and true, and CALMLY handles the situation. Another thing that he does incredibly well, is loving ME. When I met him as a nineteen year old, I know I told him about my love for horses…but did he ever really expect me to OWN not one but TWO giant Thoroughbreds, and for me to be gone OFTEN caring for them…? No, probably not. Yet here he is, supportive, encouraging, and uplifting—loving me through ALL my neurotic horse crazed moments.

So, Dear, Sweet, Handsome Hunk of a Husband…

1 . Thank you first, for choosing me. For choosing me when I have a nasty attitude, when I am moody and hormonal, when I am insecure and doubt, and when I am simply in a funk. Thank you for choosing me when I get mad and upset, when I mess up and make poor choices, and when I can’t process well what I am feeling. Thank you for choosing me in my better, my worse, and everything in between.

2.I see in you so much determination and so much strength. You have this way about you that calms me, and that boosts our families spirits. Thank you for making us laugh, for helping us shake our stinky attitudes, and for being such a light to us and others.

3. If I didn’t have you, I would either a.) starve, because I’d eat incredibly small meals and/or skip food entirely or 2.) I would be incredibly unhealthy because my main meals would be Doritos, Mac n’ Cheese, and Cookie Crisp. Thank you for cooking for our family. For coming up with weekly menus, and doing the planning, grocery shopping, and meal prepping. Now that I type that out, I do believe all the women reading this will officially hate me for how great you are, but haters are gonna hate. Thanks for loving me even though I do NOT do those things.

4. Often I am irrational, neurotic, and don’t think the highest of myself. How many times have I pointed out my face wrinkles (or pimples) with dislike, and how many have you reassured me that you think that I am beautiful. Thank you for loving me through my insecurities. For wanting to be intimate with me, and for reminding me that you want ME. No one else. I feel comfortable and at ease with you. Maybe with other people I would feel like hiding my stomach wrinkles or be super aware of that loose skin; but not with you. Thank you for loving my mom body :)

5. You are patient and kind. Our children ADORE YOU, and you are such a hero in their (and my) eyes. The way our son looks up to you, wanting to be just like dad…there is a reason. It is because you embody the best qualities. You are showing them what it MEANS to be a father and a husband. You are showing our boy how he will someday need to care for his future wife, and how HE can be an amazing father to his own children. You show our daughter what it looks like to be loved, respected, and empowered. You verbally believe in me, and within that she sees how her future husband should believe and celebrate HER. I don’t think she will ever question if she is loved, and that quality is going to largely be because of you. Thank you. For being their role model and my dearest friend.

6. You make sure EVERYONE is taken care of, always. You plate the kids food and mine, before getting your own. You draw me bubble baths and provide space for me when I need it. You play basketball with our son even when you may be too tired. You wrestle our daughter because she LIVES for that, and you take her on dates, which mean the world to her. (“Can we go to El Nopal though?” ;)]

7. I tend to panic. You stay calm. I worry and wonder. You stay grounded and trust. I am worst case scenario when anxiety strikes. You are, ‘how can we fix this?’ I am insecure and question love. You are my favorite arms and safest hug. Thank you, for being all of this and more.

8. You fold our fitted sheets just like my mom. Which basically means you fold them perfectly. This will never cease to amaze me, and I am convinced if I didn’t have you, I would either not own fitted sheets, or they would just be wadded up when put away. Bless you for being the manly homemaker that you are. (Seriously though.)

9. You not only listen to my dreams, you ask how we can make them a reality. Because of you, the future is never scary, it is thrilling. I cannot wait to do life with you—forever.

10. Husband, you are such a help. In so many ways. And you always have been. When I needed you in the middle of the night as I nursed our babies, you were there. You were my rock during pregnancy, birth, and still to this day while they are now five and six. You help me do dishes, fold laundry, clean, sort, organize, de-clutter, take pictures, style for social media, come up with words when I seem to lose mine. Your heart is big, you love SO deeply, and I am just completely, absolutely, without a doubt in love with you.

Love,

Yours Truly
aka the girl who would be lost (and very unhealthy) without you

Check in With Us and Our 2019 Goals!

We set out this year to make 12 adjustments to our overall health. Things we believe will help us be healthier mentally, physically, intellectually and spiritually. The idea was to pick one a month and to add another each month. Here’s a refresher on those goals:

12 Changes to be The Best Me:

1.     Drink More Water

2.     Wake Up Feeling Refreshed

3.     Exercise Regularly

4.     Read Actual Books

5.     Schedule and Commit to ACTUAL Date Nights 

6.     Less Screen Time 

7.     Eat Fruits, Vegetables and Vitamins Daily

8.     Do Something for Someone Else

9.     Lessen VICES 

10.  Tries Some WHERE or THING new

11.  Feed My Soul

12.  Save and Budget Money Wisely

 In January we decided to drink more water. Asa has been downing water every day, and I realized that for most of the month, I was meeting that goal…but as January went on and now in February, I am typically struggling meeting my goal of 2 full sized water bottles a day [half my body weight.]

It’s still my overall longterm goal though, and I am doing a really good job, especially compared to how much water I USED to drink… (ahem, hardly 16 ounces in a given day.) There have been great effects on our bodies and minds besides just peeing a lot more. In general, we both do feel better, are less bogged down during the day by caffeine and sugar. I have noticed a better complexion and more energy in general, especially WHILE working out. While I am not 100% meeting my goal, this is still going to be one that I strive for continuously. I KNOW the effects are great on and for our bodies and mind. It’s been a great addition to our daily life, one we intend to keep up with.

Full disclosure, we are working on several of these at a time, but only really committing to them one month at a time. In February we are focusing on adding way more fruits and vegetables to our diet. We had this realization that every single day we feed our children a meal and serve a fruit and a vegetable alongside it. For example, they’ll eat Macaroni and Cheese with grapes and snap peas, or Chicken Nuggets with carrots and apple slices. We did this because we knew this was a healthy habit for them, and something important for their overall health. And then of course we were feeding ourselves giant bowls of pasta, cheese burgers and fries, and other things that we love, but no consistent vegetables and fruit.

To be clear, we aren’t committing to a low calorie diet, this is not about losing weight. We recognize that we need more fiber, more nutrients, and vitamins that come from plants. We’re simply going to make a conscious decision to fuel our bodies more the way we fuel our kiddos bodies. Yes we will be eating Penne Alfredo this week. But instead of a heaping bowl of it, we are going to have a sensible side of it, and a side of broccoli to go along with it. We want to encourage you to join us on intentionally getting your 5+ servings of fruit and vegetables in every day. And simply ask yourself, how do you feel? How is your energy, your gastro-intestinal system, your mental clarity?

How are you 2019 goals going? We would love to hear from you!

When You Ruin Date Night

Recently my husband and I had a date night. I’m not sure if those come easy for you lovebirds…? But for us, they are few and far between, largely because intentionally planning them hasn’t really been a priority throughout our marriage. Asa and I are REALLY good at nights in. Inwardly, we are kind of homebodies. Toss me my pajamas, give me my favorite blanket, and I am GREAT to curl up on the couch and binge watch ALL our TV shows with him. It’s not that we don’t enjoy going out, because we do. It’s always fun to get a babysitter, dress in real clothing, put some makeup on, and go OUT to a nice meal—it just doesn’t happen often, or even monthly for us.

[Now I’m curious…how often do you plan and go on actual dates with your spouse??]

Well, the other night we had gotten a great babysitter, the kids were excited and literally shooed us out the door, and Asa and I were soon sitting down at a restaurant. A little back story could maybe help this post make some more sense, so bear with me. It was a Friday night. My work week had been incredibly stressful; daily getting an influx of new students, and the days themselves left me feeling pretty drained overall. Also, I have been getting quite panicked about my quiet e-mail inbox and the lack of partnerships/collaborations being offered. I know January is always slower for Influencers and Bloggers, but for whatever reason, I have been FREAKED. Asa and I had spent most of the week spit balling about what I could do differently with my Instagram account, why I was dropping followers like flies, and praying about what I even want to be DOING social media wise. That, was also mentally exhausting.

Then, we started to talk about the horses. He never said anything offensive or hurtful, but for whatever unknown to me reason, I started to shut DOWN. I got super quiet (because that’s what I do when I first get mad), and then my emotions began to spiral out of control. The night in itself resulted in us fighting, and me going to bed without him.

I should clarify, this fight wasn’t loud, ugly, or out of control. But I was being and feeling completely irrational, Asa felt hurt and confused, and our one in a million date night was ruined. Has this ever happened to you?!

The next MORNING, I woke feeling just plain depressed. I was sad our evening didn’t go as planned, that I had once again let my bratty inner child surface, but yet, I continued to be a jerk. I remained quiet when Asa woke up. I didn’t make eye contact. And I couldn’t even explain WHY!!! I decided to sit down with my Bible and journal. I began to write down the parts that I could remember sensing my heart get upset as we drove around and talked. I wrote it all down, and then I realized this:

For whatever reason, I felt ALONE. But in actuality, I was far from it.

Asa has ALWAYS told me that he is here with me and for me, never against me. When I get downright angry because of my anxiety and worries, I tend to lash out at him or just speak aggressively and defensively. I can get so annoyed at my circumstances that I speak from my fear and NOT in love. I asked him if he could please read what I had written in my journal because that was the best way I knew how to process what I was feeling. He of course willingly did so, and then pulled me onto his lap…yet again reminding me that he is here WITH me. That he didn’t say anything to be hurtful or offensive, or to upset me—he had spoken some truthful statements, such as, “When we got Rocco, I thought we were agreeing to leasing Paddy to someone. That decision wasn’t me agreeing to be a two horse family, yet, in that moment.” He then had told me that it’s all OKAY, God’s worked it out beautifully so far and he’s not upset with me or the situation, that was just something he had noticed. And he was RIGHT. Back in September I thought for sure I would find someone to lease Paddy because I didn’t truthfully think that I could ever ride him WELL again. Then I rode him at his new farm, and ride after ride was wonderful, leaving me wanting to ride him AGAIN. I quickly had no desire to find him a new home or to have someone lease him, because I was doing the unimaginable. But when Asa said that, I took it so personally as if somehow he was disappointed in me or upset.

Do you ever do this? Project thoughts and feelings on to someone you love who does NOT deserve it?!

“Often, I STILL assign thoughts to others that they never actually think. I hold them accountable to harsh judgements hey never make. I own a rejection from them they never game me” (29). Lysa Terkeurst is by far still one of my favorite authors and her book Uninvited will FOREVER be teaching and reminding me. When Asa has something to say to me, he says it. Why or how do I get so caught up trying to read in between the lines, when there aren’t any lines to READ?

Anyway, friends. I ruined that date night. But I learned a valuable lesson by doing so. After ten years being married to the man that I love, I still need to calm the heck down and have a reality check. I also want to try harder to BE more intentional about actual date nights, and that is one of our goals together for 2019. Stay tuned, I’ll let ya know how our future February date goes ;) Asa and I strive to continue having an exceptional marriage, and I am forever thankful for the patient and loving man that he is.