Several people have messaged me here on this platform and asked, "Do you and your husband ever fight? Your relationship looks so perfect and like such a dream." Well, I have some feedback on that and I think it's important to share. First, the answer is of COURSE we fight.
Our first year of marriage I got so angry that I flew out the front door of our apartment and drove to nowhere else than his sister's house; who in turn texted him and told him I was there. I don't think I was trying to hide? And I have NO idea what I was even upset about, but we have since made the agreement that neither of would ever get in our cars and leave during a fight. I can remember slamming a door in our second apartment and my husband then hopping up off the couch said yelling, "I CAN SLAM A DOOR TOO!" and of course the entire house shook when he did. I've called my mother sobbing, even when we also made the agreement that we wouldn't involve other people in our disagreements, unless we really had to. And we've had some really big ones, ones that I don't care to share about in this space or in this nature; because they've hurt, and they've left some wounds and open scars. But as you can see, yes, we fight. We recently had one of the biggest that our nine years have ever seen, but we both went to bed that night knowing that the other would be there in the morning. I think that a lot of people are private about their relationships, and of course, I largely am as well. I want to protect my husband and our kids and while a writer, I know there are boundaries. But I also think that honesty is important. Sometimes we get caught up behind the squares we see on Instagram and we are held hostage to the lies that there exists perfection.
Getting married at twenty-years old meant that I had a lot more growing up to do from the moment that I said, "I do." At the beginning of our marriage during our fights, I can remember thinking, "How will we ever move forward from this?" But we always did. Each day passed and with them, fresh years. I have realized that we will ALWAYS move forward. Promises have been broken, and there have been moments of anger, frustration, and perhaps, even resentment. Which is why I am so thankful for a Savior; for the Creator who from His hands, made both my husband and I. And I don't believe for a second that He makes mistakes. When He brought us together, He knew that I could be hot tempered and Asa could be head strong. I can kill with words and he can get loud. And when those things happen, we can take a breath, look at each other, and remind each other that we DO love one another. You've probably at some point said it yourself, "I don't like you, but I do love you." There are times when I feel as though I really don't LIKE my husband. And he doesn't like me. But we will always love each other.
Recently he and I were circling back and trying to find some closure and here was his response:
"After I dropped Reese off at school, I had a long drive to think and pray. As I prayed and worked through the emotions of the fight we were having, it became really clear that I wasn't going to leave, I wasn't going anywhere. The only option was to fix it. To do the work to make things right. To own what I needed to own, to learn from our fight and to figure out how to restore our marriage to love. Leaving wasn't an option, so there was only one real direction to go. For me, healing always starts with the decision of which way we are going. And I'm choosing to always come back to you."
My husband can be a real tear-jerker with his words and ultimately, with how he loves me. Honestly, our recent fight had me in that, "WHAT am I going to do?!" type mindset. The one where you feel lost and confused and all you see ahead is gray. I thank God that Asa brought my eyes back to the colors of our beautiful life, and that he reminded me that I too, will only ever walk forward.
I choose you, Asa, and I thank you for choosing me; even and especially when things get messy. I do a great job of capturing the beauty that is in our household, but please remember that those are because I largely want to remember the good, not because the bad doesn't exist. When I need to decide what direction to go, where to love, I choose the good. I choose you.
