Life of a Working Teacher Mom and Where We Are Now

Most of you reading this have school aged children and have been where I currently am before. And where am I currently? Somewhere on the line of insanity + maybe being too busy to deal with it I suppose. Okay, okay, it is NOT that bad, but it is kinda crazy.

I knew when we moved and our kids started different schools, that life would be tough. But there's no way to prepare for that kind of a transition until you're IN it. It has been almost six weeks and I thought I would share a few things that I'm learning: 

-Our kids need SPACE. Seven hours a day they are surrounded by peers, and are getting excellent reports about their behavior, daily. But when they come home, they are so burned out of being so stinken good, and it's been vital that they have time to unwind, alone. (They don't always want to, so it's sometimes a challenge to enforce that Pierson for instance, eat a snack and play in his room or the family room, if even for five minutes--alone.) If they don't do this though, they are at each other's throats tenfold, and meltdowns begin QUICK. 
-They need extra attention. This can mean lots of extra hugs, holding one or both of them on my lap to hug them tight; or it can look like stopping everything to do a dance party because they are craving fun with ME. 
-Both of them are changing, and drastically. For instance, Pierson is turning into like, a real KID. He has been so upset with me numerous times because I haven't been able to understand his emotions and where he's coming from--This week I literally asked my husband to help mediate our conversation because I was on the verge of either laughing or just sobbing! And Reese is riding the line of wanting to do everything by herself + still wanting MOM 24/7, so as you can imagine, that's tough. 
-Immune systems are being tested. The kids had in-home childcare their ENTIRE lives. Within the last year they started going to the YMCA childcare when we would work out, but that's obviously not the same thing as school. Reese is going on her second round of illness and is currently in bed next to me with a 101° fever. I'm 99.9% sure that Pierson will end up with it too (that's what happened a few weeks ago!) but hey, fingers crossed?

-I need patience and grace as a mother and human being probably more than EVER. I think I've apologized at least fifty times for losing my temper, for snapping so quickly, and for not being the best mom that I can be to both of the kids. But outside of being a mom, I've been super slow to respond to emails, forgetful of deadlines and social media posts, and that is SO NOT ME. Grace, upon grace, upon grace, upon more grace- right? 
-My husband is a Superhero. But really. Through it all, (including me having a literal breakdown because I was SO sick of driving and being in traffic) he's been my rock. He helps me get organized, breaks things down for me when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and ALWAYS asks how he can help. He's all our stronghold, and on top of being an amazing husband, he is an incredible father. 
-Never compare. My son is five years old, and I currently have a classroom of TEN 5 and 6-year olds. This is brand new for me, I have NEVER taught that age level, and to be honest, I've been overwhelmed the entire six weeks I've been at this. At first it was confusing to me how my 5-year old could be so different from others, and I've finally realized my own ignorance. I call that class 'my babies,' because they are my babies for an entire morning. While my kindergartner can sit in his chair, be quiet, and follow classroom rules, these ones need a lot of help and guidance to learn those expectations. Not all of them have stable households or a mother or father who has helped them learn this school stuff. Asa has always helped me by saying, "They are someone's Pierson." So I treat them like they are my own. I get down on their level, talk quietly when I need to, speak firmly when it's clear the tone needs switching, I tickle and hug and dance, daily. Did I mention they are all boys right now?! Oh what a learning curve, but I'm realizing now what a gift this can be.

-The grass is greener where you water it. This was actually part of a lesson at church this summer and it has really stuck with me. I love the environment that I'm in teaching wise now. The staff is so great and supportive, it is warm and inviting, and I adore the other teacher next to me. We have great assistants, and really, I do see why God moved me there. The same phrase is true within community though as well. Instead of wishing for anything different, I am embracing the friendships we have NOW, the fellowship and community where we have been planted. And most importantly, my family is my rock. I hope to continue growth as a mother and a wife, and 'watering' that part of my life is THE most important. 

Last year I was blessed to take five months off of work to stay home with the kids, but I knew I would be going back to the 'working mom' life. I feel like being a working teacher mom has its' own set of difficulties, but I also know that right now, it's where God has called me. I am enjoying blogging when I can, participating in partnerships with some pretty awesome companies, and posting to Instagram here and there.

If you've made it this far in the post, serious kudos to you. I've love to hear from you! What are some things you've learned as a mom so far this year? Do your kids go to public or private schools? Are they homeschooled? Tell me about it! Write a comment below or shoot me an e-mail, I love the community built within this space and I will *always* respond! 

Happy weekend, y'all!

xx 

Fearless, Feisty, Fabulous, FOUR

You know it's strange, with this one, I kind of felt like she would stay three forever. Two flew by but there were weeks and months of her being three that I remember longing for her to turn another year older. Well, here we are...at 9:56pm on September 14 she came into this world with hardly two pushes. "Look out world, I'm HERE!" is what I felt like her newborn self declared. From that minute, our Reese Elisabeth-Morgan has been nothing short of fearless, feisty, fabulous and NOW, she's four! 

Today for the most part, was pretty magical. I took the day off work to celebrate her birthday and we were so excited to spend a whole day together. Asa bought cupcakes for she and I to take to her preschool to celebrate snack time with her friends. We got there a little early so I was blessed to make it to some Chapel time. Reese sat on my lap and we listened to the story of Baby Moses and the kids recited Bible verses and the Lord's Prayer. It reminded me so much of my own Christian school elementary days, and I truly felt so blessed to be a small part of that part in their day. She sat with her friends at their table, everyone enjoyed seconds, and she colored some before we left to go back home. Once we were there, I surprised her by telling her I had made her a nail salon appointment; she has gotten her nails done once before with me and she absolutely LOVED it. My sweet friend Jess at Dollface Beauty and Brows booked me a slot with her co-worker Amy, who now runs the Glossry inside the shop; an adorable mani/pedi setup! 

Beforehand, we got ourselves some hot chocolate and a hot caramel apple cider, thanks, Please and Thank you! And Reese was feeling all sorts of spoiled, as she should! I had so much fun chatting with her in the booth; we talked about what a great morning it had already been and what she wanted to do next (which was go look around different shops nearby). 

At the salon, Reese sat perfectly still and picked out a shade of pink and a second bottle of all pink glitter. Amy was so sweet and patient, listening as Reese chatted her ear off. The other ladies who came in and out of the shop complimented Reese for her beautiful curls and for how good she was being. 

And I think that's where I just want to mention that it's been a little hard for me to write this post tonight. Wait, what? Ashley, what are you doing? Okay hold on. Do any of you have a 3-year old? Or at one point HAD a 3-year old? No, Reese isn't three anymore; but technically all day today until 9:56pm she still was, right? The past year has just been really hard on me emotionally and mentally--not constantly, but her moods would come in waves, and sometimes Reese has been sweet as pie and others, she's cutting straight to your heart with words and statements you can't believe just left her mouth. Tonight for instance, after everything we did together and the money spent ON her, she looked at me and said, "I don't like you." Shortly after that, I told her that she couldn't open another birthday present in THAT moment, and she said, "You're mean." 

Didn't I just spend literally ALL day with my daughter? Spoiling her and helping her feel beautiful and loved and celebrated? I know that you're not supposed to take the words of a toddler or ANY child to heart. But sometimes that's just not possible! It felt like a slap in the face. Like everything I had just done didn't matter. That maybe, just maybe, my daughter DIDN'T like me. 

Anyway, I won't continue a giant sob fest here on the blog, and the truth is, I'm fine. The end of her fourth birthday didn't go as I had planned, there were way more tears than I ever want to remember (so why am I writing it down?!!?), and overall, my mom heart is kind of aching at the fact that my kids ARE getting bigger--they're getting older, they're turning MORE human, and I know with that, comes lots of hurtful words, calloused phrases, and tons of opportunities for growth and redemption on ALL our parts. But I also know that she DOES love me. There's really no one else that she prefers (she loves you too, dear husband, but we all know this has been the last several years!) She isn't trying to be purposefully hurtful, at least I don't think? And I know she too, is just learning what's right and wrong.

I promise we really did have a GREAT day, and the weather temperature wise was just right... before the coffee shop and nails, Reese let me take some portraits of her in a tree covered space near our house. We talked about the colorful leaves, looked at different bugs, and she made me laugh, a lot. 

And we also explored some shops downtown Louisville this afternoon, admiring things we couldn't afford and sending me into panic at several moments at the thought of her dropping something expensive (ahem, everything we saw!) It was fun to hold hands and just giggle together, and I had some sentimental visions of our probable future together. My girl loves shopping, but I think more than anything else, she loves quality time. 

Reese Elisabeth-Morgan, I do love you. And no matter what you say over the years, I promise to forever be your very best friend. You are brave, passionate, independent, and you have already in four short years, taught me SO much. While it hurts a bit to watch you and your big brother grow so quickly...please know that I will always be here. I'll always be your shoulder, your hug, your belly tickle, your lullabye, your prayer warrior, your friend, and your mom. Thank you for being you, I am so excited (and slightly terrified) to see where four leads you! 

xox
-Your Mama

Let's Get Real

Hey everyone, so moment of truth, how many people here enjoy working? Is it like, 10% or 90% of you reading who say, "I do! I love getting up in the morning and going to work all day!" Because I'll just be real with you: I want to stay home with my babies all day everyday, as exhausting and infuriating as they can be, and write and take pretty pictures on my terms. Can anyone else relate?

Do not get me wrong here or twist these words--I love teaching, and I love the relationships that I build with students. However, now that I've had a taste of stay at home life, well, it's that much harder to go back. My son starts kindergarten next Wednesday and my daughter starts preschool in TWO days. Bless their hearts but good LORD, could someone just heal MY broken heart?! There are some moms who are great with their kids growing up and getting older and get super thrilled about all the milestones. I have loved every stage and every single year, but let's also be real; when Pierson was three months old, you would have found me in his nursery crying, flat on my face, simply because he had changed so much. (Okay, at that time I had a serious thyroid disorder that made my hormones ALL out whack, but still!!) Most months when I feel extra emotional, it kind of spirals when I think about all the memories or moments of recent days. It's like, in SPITE of how frustrated (downright angry) I get with their bickering, tattling, and constant messes, I simultaneously want to scoop them up and hold them on my lap and squeeze them forever. 

Let's get real. I just signed up to a part of my son's PTA. I smiled and gave my email address and sat through his orientation with many other parents in the room; meanwhile, I felt like I was having the wind knocked out of me over, and over, and over again. There's a difference in losing your breath when you see your baby for the first time after hours of a strenuous labor and then losing it because you've realized that baby is FIVE freeking years old and he's his own miniature person. And the same goes for my baby girl, who is SO excited to start school because her brother is, and who talks constantly about picking her outfit for the first day, making friends, and listening to her teacher. Y'all, these are GREAT THINGS! I just need to be 100% honest in admitting that they also are making me feel physically ILL at the moment. 

You know those moments as a mom when you're utterly exhausted and you're sitting on the toilet, and you think, "This moment of peace will last a maximum of 2.3 seconds...." and then you're spot on, because the kids barge in and are either running from each other or one asks to literally see what progress you've made on said toilet? I literally shut my bathroom door today, for the FIRST TIME EVER, because we have never had an en suite. And we now have THREE bathrooms in this house [hello heaven!!!!!] so I thought, "Surely I can just pee, and close the door so that I don't hear their noise." Lo and behold Reese storms through the door: "MOM! WHY did you close the door?! That's so MEAN!!" It was a rare moment where I had my patience under control, and I said, "Reese, let's try that again. I closed the door because I can. I am a grownup and grownups can close doors, children should not. I closed the door because I wanted a minute of quiet. Why don't you try knocking on the door and asking if it's okay to come in?" "Okay, Mommy!!" she responded. And she practiced. "That's a very big girl thing to do, Reese," I praised. And then I almost laughed out loud because the entire exchange took way too long and let's face it, I had finished peeing LONG ago, I was just merely scrolling my phone at the point that she had rudely entered. However, I digress. There's going to come a day in the very near future that my daughter does not WANT to come in the bathroom with me. Let's get real. She is going to want her privacy, and respect mine, and the days of her constantly wanting me will be no more. 

Our son just recently started going into a stall at the gym to change into his swimsuit and HE has been closing the door when he uses the bathroom here at home. I don't even know when or how this happened, is that just like, an innate thing that kids do? Because Lord knows I didn't prompt that. I guess I just feel like at this moment, in this season, my kids are giants. And it's barely just begun. So here, let's look at some sappy photos and all cry together, want to? 

From none to one to five, I'm just not sure where the years went.....and here's some of Reesie Cup:

I've read many a blog post where moms write about the woes and heartache of their children growing bigger. The posts about how important it is for self-care as a mom [and it is] and how we should also not care so much about the messes and finger printed glass doors; we all experience it. We blink and they are starting school. We wake up and they are four and five. While I used to never understand phrases like, "Just you wait, tomorrow they'll be driving themselves!" I do now. I remember carrying two car seats very uncomfortably on my arms, balancing them up multiple staircases to get into our home; and now both of my kids can buckle themselves in. 

Let's get real. Life is fleeting, and I am holding on for dear life. 

The Case of the No Naps

Moms, have you literally forgotten everything that happened with your first born child, now that you have multiple? Because I promise you, I remember almost nothing. First steps, I know they happened the day before his first birthday. I remember he was 25 months old when he was completely potty trained (day-time that is). I remember he was the easiest babe to break of the binky. And I'm fairly certain he was the most perfect sleeper, ever. 

But that can't be 100% accurate. Because I also remember texting my sweet friend and soul sister Jerrica with a million sleep and nap questions; she too, was a "Babywise Mom." That means we scheduled our kiddos and had a pretty good grip on when they would sleep and when they wouldn't. I know that he napped like an angel (babysitters, DID HE?!?!) up until just recently, and he just turned FIVE. 

But if you were really asking me to remember all these details....well, I can't! I'm currently in this stage of nap regressions with our dear sweet daughter. She turns four in two very short months, and she is a monkey see monkey do kinda gal. (Lord, help.) She knows that her big brother doesn't nap daily anymore, and constantly asks, "Well, is Pierson going to play quietly in his room or will he be resting in BED?????" Telling her not to worry about her brother and to just worry about herself, well, that doesn't fly. 

I've always wanted to be the sweet and soften spoken mom. The one who never yells or who doesn't fly off the handle. The mom who gently lulls her anti-napping toddler to sleep. Or who is extremely patient with said toddler when she doesn't even lay down to TRY to sleep. But guys, I fail at this *MISERABLY.* There's like: strike one, strike two, strike three, strike ZERO, NOW I'M SCREAMING, and no, I haven't given too many chances because I'm totally exaggerating here to NOT make myself seem like a total lunatic. And now I'm sitting over here all like, "HOW is she ever going to nap in preschool?? They SAID that ALL the kids lie on their mats and just sleep. But there is no way in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks that this will happen?!?!?!" First of all, Reese turns four a month after she'll start preschool, which means she will be four in the three's room. Surely there'll be other four year olds present who are in the same situation as her? But to say I'm a little worried and stressed over this thought is kinda an understatement. 

My husband likes to reassure me (by not reassuring me) that it just won't be my problem. She'll be in preschool, not ME, and there is really absolutely nothing that I can do.

Okay...............thanks?

I am betting there will be like 300 of you who tell me that your child has never napped. So all I'm going to say here is that I am SO SORRY. I really wouldn't mind the no nap thing, IF I wasn't starting back to work in three weeks, where she'll be in brand new circumstances and settings. Her grandmother will watch her two days in our home, and I'm also not looking forward to how Reese is going to test those buttons on those days, either. Maybe those will just HAVE to be her 'no napping' days? But how do you do that.........? 

Has anyone else ever admitted that raising toddlers is a crapshoot? Who am I kidding, it's a shit shoot. (Sorry, Mom!) It's just a total mess where there are days you have no idea what you're doing, WHY you're having these battles, where you haven't looked in a mirror all day, and you are drinking coffee at two-thirty in the afternoon INSTEAD of lunch, because you just want to sit and BE. I sound like I'm complaining big time don't I? But did you know on the other side of this fence that I am sitting, there is this woman who is about to cry big giant puddles of tears because BOTH of her children are starting school in three weeks?? 

I looked at my five year in the car today in my rearview mirror and saw him just sitting all properly in his booster seat, looking out the window with his insanely long legs dangling off the seat. And in that moment, I got all choked up. This KID, my first born, is FIVE. And my daughter?? The one who is currently undressing herself in bed and getting really frustrated that she can't put the shirt back on correctly (yes, daughter, I can SEE YOU)--well, she's my BABY. I've always called her my baby baby, and here we are, approaching her FOURTH birthday. 

A couple realizations: 
-I'm getting old
-and motherhood is a constant lesson, teaching me ALL the things about selflessness, SELFISHness, grace, laughter, sorrow, and love. 

The case of the no naps have officially arrived. But I suppose this too, shall pass. 

*Dear daughter, my baby baby, who is NOW currently upstairs throwing books off your bed...I love you more than there are words. Thank YOU for still choosing to love ME, even when dear old mom sometimes loses it.*