The Case of the No Naps

Moms, have you literally forgotten everything that happened with your first born child, now that you have multiple? Because I promise you, I remember almost nothing. First steps, I know they happened the day before his first birthday. I remember he was 25 months old when he was completely potty trained (day-time that is). I remember he was the easiest babe to break of the binky. And I'm fairly certain he was the most perfect sleeper, ever. 

But that can't be 100% accurate. Because I also remember texting my sweet friend and soul sister Jerrica with a million sleep and nap questions; she too, was a "Babywise Mom." That means we scheduled our kiddos and had a pretty good grip on when they would sleep and when they wouldn't. I know that he napped like an angel (babysitters, DID HE?!?!) up until just recently, and he just turned FIVE. 

But if you were really asking me to remember all these details....well, I can't! I'm currently in this stage of nap regressions with our dear sweet daughter. She turns four in two very short months, and she is a monkey see monkey do kinda gal. (Lord, help.) She knows that her big brother doesn't nap daily anymore, and constantly asks, "Well, is Pierson going to play quietly in his room or will he be resting in BED?????" Telling her not to worry about her brother and to just worry about herself, well, that doesn't fly. 

I've always wanted to be the sweet and soften spoken mom. The one who never yells or who doesn't fly off the handle. The mom who gently lulls her anti-napping toddler to sleep. Or who is extremely patient with said toddler when she doesn't even lay down to TRY to sleep. But guys, I fail at this *MISERABLY.* There's like: strike one, strike two, strike three, strike ZERO, NOW I'M SCREAMING, and no, I haven't given too many chances because I'm totally exaggerating here to NOT make myself seem like a total lunatic. And now I'm sitting over here all like, "HOW is she ever going to nap in preschool?? They SAID that ALL the kids lie on their mats and just sleep. But there is no way in the h-e-double-hockey-sticks that this will happen?!?!?!" First of all, Reese turns four a month after she'll start preschool, which means she will be four in the three's room. Surely there'll be other four year olds present who are in the same situation as her? But to say I'm a little worried and stressed over this thought is kinda an understatement. 

My husband likes to reassure me (by not reassuring me) that it just won't be my problem. She'll be in preschool, not ME, and there is really absolutely nothing that I can do.

Okay...............thanks?

I am betting there will be like 300 of you who tell me that your child has never napped. So all I'm going to say here is that I am SO SORRY. I really wouldn't mind the no nap thing, IF I wasn't starting back to work in three weeks, where she'll be in brand new circumstances and settings. Her grandmother will watch her two days in our home, and I'm also not looking forward to how Reese is going to test those buttons on those days, either. Maybe those will just HAVE to be her 'no napping' days? But how do you do that.........? 

Has anyone else ever admitted that raising toddlers is a crapshoot? Who am I kidding, it's a shit shoot. (Sorry, Mom!) It's just a total mess where there are days you have no idea what you're doing, WHY you're having these battles, where you haven't looked in a mirror all day, and you are drinking coffee at two-thirty in the afternoon INSTEAD of lunch, because you just want to sit and BE. I sound like I'm complaining big time don't I? But did you know on the other side of this fence that I am sitting, there is this woman who is about to cry big giant puddles of tears because BOTH of her children are starting school in three weeks?? 

I looked at my five year in the car today in my rearview mirror and saw him just sitting all properly in his booster seat, looking out the window with his insanely long legs dangling off the seat. And in that moment, I got all choked up. This KID, my first born, is FIVE. And my daughter?? The one who is currently undressing herself in bed and getting really frustrated that she can't put the shirt back on correctly (yes, daughter, I can SEE YOU)--well, she's my BABY. I've always called her my baby baby, and here we are, approaching her FOURTH birthday. 

A couple realizations: 
-I'm getting old
-and motherhood is a constant lesson, teaching me ALL the things about selflessness, SELFISHness, grace, laughter, sorrow, and love. 

The case of the no naps have officially arrived. But I suppose this too, shall pass. 

*Dear daughter, my baby baby, who is NOW currently upstairs throwing books off your bed...I love you more than there are words. Thank YOU for still choosing to love ME, even when dear old mom sometimes loses it.*

Let's Talk about CHANGE!

Alright y'all, welcome back. Oh wait, it has just been ME who has MIA. AAAAHH!!! The last post I wrote about moving was back in June, the day before we found out the very exciting news that we GOT THE HOUSE! Many of you keep up with me via Instagram and Facebook, but for those who may not, yup; we finally had an offer accepted and will be moving to our brand new home July 28! 

But the new house isn't the only thing that's going to be a change, we have SO MANY things in this current season. Honestly I'm really hoping that I can just keep trucking and go with the flow. I've never been someone who panics over change, but at the same time, I do love consistency. Photography speaking, change means inspiration and often new lines of work--aka things that really excite me. The same goes for blogging, when I have new things on the horizon and different partnerships and collaborations, that's always super exciting! But it all kind of dawned on me late last night: 

We are moving to a brand new house, in a brand new part of town, Reese will be going to preschool which neither child has ever done, Pierson starts kindergarten, and I will be in a brand new position working with brand new co-workers. 

Oh hey, month of CHANGE!

I'll clarify a couple things--I'm not switching school locations, but I am switching floors which in any teacher's case, is kinda a big deal. That means people I'm not familiar working with, new types of students, and in this event, brand new grades. I work in a children's psychiatric hospital, and instead of having the inpatient kids, I'll be working with students who are part of the day program. For the past six years I have had a 3-5th grade classroom, now I will have half of the day with kindergarten and first graders, and the second half with 3-5th. While this is a HUGE change for me, I am also excited for it. I'll get a shift in the middle of the day and I'lll be teaching mostly Language Arts to the older kids which is my FAVORITE subject EVER. 

None of these changes are bad, honest to God. I'm excited to be in a better part of town, excited to be a short run away from a horse farm, and I'm excited to watch BOTH of our kids grow and learn in their schools. The house we are going to is B E A U T I F U L and while it may not be our DREAM home and where we will plant roots forever, it is absolutely wonderful. I am excited for the next pages of our story to be written there and I'm excited to be able to document it here in this space with you all. 

I also have some really exciting upcoming brand collaborations that I am pumped to fill y'all in on a little later. I'm discovering my passions within photography and learning a lot about myself through that. While I set out thinking that I would have to shoot weddings in order to 'make money,' I don't think that's necessarily the case, at least for me. I'm working with some big brands and shooting more interiors and spaces than I ever have and I am LOVING it!! Please give me all the beautifully designed houses and spaces and I will photograph them all day looooong. Working with interior designers, commercial spaces, etc.; guys! It's so FUN! 

Alright, I'd love to keep chatting your ear (eyes??) off, but I need to continue packing and de-cluttering my life. What season are YOU currently in? Is it a season of rest? Are YOU moving? Switching jobs? Quitting jobs? Shifting your focus? Having a baby? Fill me IN! Leave a comment below, I always love hearing YOUR updates too! 

Happy changing everyone! Stay tuned and if you know me personally, please bear with me in this current insanely busy chapter.

Be Willing to Celebrate Your Beauty

My entire life I have never been one to get too much into makeup or skin care products. Yes, I wear makeup, but that daily routine consists of a little concealer, eyeliner, mascara, and some foundation powder. The {kind of} gross truth, is that I've also *never* had a skin care routine, and rarely was even washing my face before bed. When I asked a friend about her regimen, her response was, "Ashley, you MIGHT want to start washing the makeup off your face before bed....just a thought." Okay, okay, I finally have realized that I need to redo how I take care of my skin. 

As I approach thirty, I'm not going to lie to you and say that I don't care that I am aging. The truth is, I DO care. Where did my twenties go?!? Why didn't I appreciate my smooth and line-less skin in those years? There is nothing wrong with getting older, I believe that. And I wouldn't go back and turn the clock, even if I could, because all of my years hold massive stories of wisdom and growth. But I'm discovering now more than ever, that without good skin care products, I'm also not really doing my skin any favors.

Willing Beauty approached me at THE perfect time, because I had literally been searching for something GREAT to try. As I said, I never had a good regimen to follow; a routine that I could get in the hang of repeating. Which is why I am LOVING the HY+5 products that they sent me. The regimen includes: 

Do Over Nourishing Cleanser

Two times a day, I use the cleanser. Yup, you got it, I finally have gotten in the rhythm of washing my face before getting into bed, and again in the morning when I wake. I don't wear makeup daily, especially now that it's summer; but I still like to make sure I get the daily grime off and this cleanser feels so good on my face.

Daydream Illuminating Day Moisturizer

Would you believe me if I told you I have NEVER used a moisturizer? Well wait, that's not 100% accurate. Back in my high school days I had terrible cystic acne and went through this god awful strong dosage of Accutane. My skin was so red and dry, for a short number of months I used a generic moisturizer. But literally never since then, and that's been what, fourteen years ago?! This moisturizer from Willing Beauty is NOT heavy, and my biggest perk, it doesn't leave my skin oily. 

Partner in Time Age-Defying Night Serum

This product along with the night cream, are my two favorites. It was designed to improve the elasticity of skin as well as to diminish the appearance of fine lines, After two+ weeks of using this system, my skin feels firmer and definitely smoother!

Get Set SPF 30 Tinted Primer

A primer that I put on before applying makeup, AND, if I don't wear any that day, I've been applying anyway. Hello, I live in Kentucky and with our incredibly hot and sunny days, I'm all about protecting my face. Like I've said, I haven't been good about this until now--I really think it's because I have this whole regimen that I've gotten better about caring for my face. I lay out the products on my bedside table, and it's just easy to follow the steps and remember to do them daily. 

Sleepover Replenishing Night Cream

I apply this cream immediately following the night serum, and every morning when I wake, I swear my face feels SO freekin' soft. This replenishing cream consists of moisture attracting molecules and stimulates collagen. 

You can read more about Willing Beauty's story here, and I really encourage you to do so. While they gifted me with my products, this post is not sponsored; I just love them THAT much! I am definitely hooked on the HY+5 challenge, and firmly believe that these will be long term products for me. Anyone else not the greatest at self care? Well, I say it's time we change that, don't you?? Be willing to celebrate your beauty, inside and out!

**Thank you, Willing Beauty for these amazing products!!**

Thoughts On Moving

Who here watches Modern Family? Did every single one of you raise your hand? Well, maybe raising your hand while reading a blog post is weird... but anyway. I KNOW you watch Modern Family. In the episode where Luke graduates high school, Claire tells her husband Phil that it's okay to cry. 

"It's okay, I'm all cried out," he said. "It's like there's no moisture left in my body. I'm worried if I blink, that my eyes will get stuck...I am dead inside." Everyone around him sobs as Luke's name is called and they reminisce his childhood. Phil is blank faced, no emotion left, and really, all cried out. 

That's me, guys. I am literally ALL cried out. 

Our house sold (as most of you know) within three hours tops the day we listed it, June 7. It was an over asking price offer and the first showing of the day. After talking with several people we highly respect and a few realtor friends, we knew we'd be crazy if we didn't accept it. Here we are, two weeks later, and I can't even tell you how many times we have said aloud, "We never should have sold our house." We knew it would be a leap of faith to list it, and we knew it would sell. Originally we thought we would be moving to some land and a place I could have a horse, or at least if nothing else, to a more spaced out neighborhood where the kids could make some nice friends. "A bigger house and more space inside and out," THAT was my goal in listing our home. 

We pretty quickly discovered that we couldn't move outside of Jefferson County unless we could pay tuition for Pierson's kindergarten. He's going to school with my husband, and we feel pretty passionate about that, at least for this year. Not moving out of district means there's really no way we can get 5-6 acres worth of land affordability. It's a good thing I guess that our offer fell through on the 5 acre horse farm in Shelbyville we wanted... but at the same time, I have been completely mourning. 

"WHY did we sell our house??" I've cried. I can go through the positive reminders, but sometimes that's just too hard and not even good enough. It's like as soon as we signed the paperwork and went under contract with the buyers, I fell in love with our home all over again. I started to love the backyard more than I ever have, the charm of the home felt even more magical, and as I have layed in bed each night, I've thought, "No bedroom will ever be as wonderful as this one." The difficulty for me has been though, we have no place to go (yet.) I can't imagine the goodness of new chapters of our life because there hasn't been a home that has accepted our offer (yet.) With only a week left of June, we have been on SUCH a time crunch. We wanted to have a contract on our future home by July 1 so that our closing could align with the closing of our home and we don't stay in a limbo period, or temporary housing. It was a conversation I had with my brother recently that helped change my pretty closed mindset, and help me see that what we are moving to next, is not permanent.  

"Your kids only live in the box you put them in," he said. And of course this is literal and figurative.  "Maybe you should look at houses you go into as if your option is THIS, or moving into a crappy rental that will be too expensive and small." Both he and Asa have suggested this actually, and honestly, it's given me a lot of peace of mind. Yesterday we found a GORGEOUS home, pretty far out in the East End of Louisville [complete opposite of where we're living NOW,] and as soon as we walked inside, we felt a sense of peace. And that's exactly what we have been praying about, peace. We've offered on three homes so far, and in each one, they were homes I could see us in; but I don't think the feeling was mutual.  I'm always going to be attracted to big yards and there's something magical about a lifestyle with more outdoor space...but the homes have needed SO much work. The house we saw yesterday was smack dab in the middle of a subdivision, and it had a VERY small yard. For us, it meant 8/10 requirements, and the two cons were those. Albeit, those are pretty giant cons for me...but the interior and space inside couldn't be beat. We have talked A LOT, prayed A LOT, and both of us feel at peace knowing that the next house is temporary. That maybe there we will be able to save money, do our research, find some land and BUILD our dream home. I think it's doable. And I think we'll have some time to figure it out. If nothing else, that gives me some hope. I can't let go of my dream of land and horses in our backyard, so I know that I will just have to keep praying. Needless to say, we put an offer on that home. While we were feeling all pumped that 'this was it,' we were smacked HARD in the face when we found out they didn't even want to see or hear our offer--they wanted to wait until this coming Sunday at FIVE pm. The day we saw it, there were twenty other showings already scheduled, and it still has yet to have its' open house this weekend. I can only imagine the multitude of offers this house is going to receive, and the giant pile the couple is going to be sorting through...NOT a fun thought. 

 Three days ago we drove to a historic home that sat on 1.5 acres IN the city of Louisville. Before going, we meticulously studied the layout of the photos online, and I knew my husband wasn't impressed. But as soon as we pulled up, my heart was already outside of my chest and in absolute yard HEAVEN, as I pictured the dinners and future parties we would surely be throwing there. There is a 200-yr old tree in the front yard, and the kids and my husband immediately climbed on to it's ancient and low branches. At the top of the budget, I knew this house would have to be something that we could happily live with for many years to come, unable to make changes or updates. We walked through the front door and immediately I saw some big 'uh-ohs,' and I gulped, not wanting to admit them. The living room as the master bedroom, for one. The smallest [and worst off] kitchen we had yet seen, the family room with no windows, being taken up entirely by a sectional. I should mention my husband yet again barely fit in the basement and did NOT fit in the showers, and there was not a single space there for HIM, where he could put his workout room or fit his favorite gray rocking chair. I proceeded to NOT listen to the wisdom in my head (also known to me as the Holy Spirit) and my selfless husband supported me as I said, "We still have to make an offer." Our realtor wrote up all the paperwork, we signed all 300 pages, the kids exhausted in the car going back and forth between whining and laughing and screaming, and when it was all done and over, I started to cry. Yes I know, imagine that, Ashley crying right now. Not an uncommon occurrence. 

We drove away from the beautiful yard and my husband re-explained to me why it wasn't a great idea but that he loved me and wanted to support my dream of having a yard. We had promised the kids a McDonalds cone and when they went inside to order, I called our realtor. I sat on the concrete, head in my lap, begging for her wisdom and judgement. Ten minutes later, I said, "Please pull out our offer." My heart and my head just haven't lined up this last month. I see a potential dream and I want to snatch it and it never seems to be what the Lord wants. YOU GUYS, here in this space, have meant SO much to me. I put up a photo on Instagram that evening, pouring my heart there, to friends and virtual strangers, explaining my breaking heart. SO many of you commented paragraph long comments, sharing comfort with me, empathizing, and sending your prayers--106 comments, and I was just blown away. I put up the same photo on Facebook with the same caption, and so many of my close friends and family did the same thing: long paragraphs relating and praying, uplifting and encouraging me. 

I just wanted to say, your words haven't gone unnoticed and are not in vain. I have felt every single one, and I am finally starting to feel glimmers of hope. I am not sure that we will get the house we just offered on, and we won't know for three more days [which feels like an ETERNITY!!!!] I wrote a hand written letter, included the photo in this blog post, we offered everything we felt we could, offered to waive an inspection, gave more in a good faith deposit....I mean literally, this has been the strongest offer we've made yet. Next week feels like the deadline, though I'm working hard not to feel that way. I go back and forth between feeling God is going to give us the miracle of this house, to feeling like a hundred other people are going to blow our offer out of the water. 

My thoughts on moving? This has been the hardest thing my husband and I have ever been through, and that's saying something if you know part of our story from several years ago. I've cried harder and longer than I ever knew I could, the tension has been tight, the kids have been through the ringer seeing TONS of homes and having the expectations of being good and obedient. We are all tired and just plain EXHAUSTED. Wherever we end up, I am begging God to just bring us peace. 

And may He already be preparing our DREAM home many years down the road. Because I never., EVER, want to do this again.