beloved jenna // welcome to the beloved woman series!

be.loved:
dearly loved, a much loved person

In an interview once, a woman asked me, "What do you wish you could tell childhood Ashley?" It was a question that really stumped me. I felt flustered and nervous and like I could probably tell little kid Ashley a million different helpful things, but spilling out of my mouth was this:

"I would tell her to live loved."

Not a very common phrase, it's one that I discovered in Lysa TerKeurst's book Uninvited a few months ago. Both her and Lara Casey have written about it, seeking to empower women to live their lives knowing and embracing that they are loved. WE, are loved. You. And me. By so many different souls--Our Creator, who knew the hairs on our heads before we were born, and beyond; to the husbands we are wives to, the children we are mothers to, the brothers and sisters, the parents we were born to, and the friends that we cling to. But knowing that we are loved, and actually believing it, are two separate things. I know that I am loved by my husband. I know that my kids adore me and beg each night for it to be my turn to put them each down. I know my parents love me, my brothers, my friends. But do I believe this to my core, to the point that I don't doubt my beloved strengths? I'm afraid not. And I am guessing you may need some help here too.

Sisters, you are beloved. And I feel like it is my mission to help you believe this truth. I want to know you better, to encourage you, to wrap my arms around you, to challenge you to think deeper about yourselves; so that in turn, soon, YOU will feel the love. It is my great honor to kick off this series with my friend Jenna. She is a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend to SO many. This lady loves and dreams BIG.

A little background, and in her words:

"I met my husband about twelve and a half years ago while working at American Eagle, which is hilarious to anyone who knows us now; we are definitely not an American Eagle couple, ha. We just celebrated ten years of marriage in November. In those ten years, we've owned two houses. The first, a small 1-bedroom shotgun that was renovated. It was on a double lot and allowed me to grow food and raise chickens. It was a great little place. Then, when our daughter Darcy was about a year old, we bought our second home, which is a major fixer upper! We only live in half our house, have no kitchen, so yes, definitely a fixer upper! My husband does most of the work himself, so it's taking some time, but it's going to be absolutely worth it in the end. In addition to our daughter Darcy, we have Jake, our 6-year old Australian Shepherd who is our best bud, two cats, and five chickens.

Bryon has always let me be ME, and he is my best encourager, giving me confidence, love, and security. We have enjoyed a lot of outdoor adventures together and continue to do so with Darcy. She enjoys hiking and camping just as much as we do, which has been awesome to witness. I honestly wasn't sure I ever wanted kids, but God decided differently. Even though I was a little freaked out when I found out I was pregnant, I quickly realized after she was born, that of course God knew what He was doing! He gave us the most perfect addition to our family. Darcy fits us completely and has fallen right in step with everything we love to do. Having her around has made us look at life with such a sweet + simple perspective. I am so thankful at how God has so perfectly orchestrated our little family. I'm also thankful for the way Bryon and I have been able to approach life and all of it's surprises, good or bad. We have fairly laid back attitudes, aren't big planners, and I wouldn't change it. We rely on God and go with the flow of life; taking all of it and releasing it to Him. It's a wonderful life and I'm excited to live it!"

When asked, "What has been the most beautiful moment in your life?" Jenna responded:

"My MOST beautiful moment was the labor + birth of my daughter. I have never felt so raw and vulnerable. During labor, I felt helpless and weak, as I screamed for someone to help me. I also felt completely primal as I stripped off my clothes and screamed wildly, not giving a care in the world who saw or heard me. The bonding that happened by having my husband + my doula by my side, couching and encouraging me, it is indescribable. When it was over and I was holding this perfect little human...the memory of the whole experience rushed over me. I thought of all I had just gone through and felt more accomplished, more empowered, more confident...than ever before. What an incredibly miraculous thing it was to feel like my weakest + most raw and vulnerable moment, is now actually the most beautiful."

I wanted to know what the word 'beautiful' meant to Jenna, because as women, this word varies so vastly.

"Being beautiful, to ME, is to be in a place where you are able to humbly accept yourself at ANY moment, freeing yourself to live without hesitation. IN this place, there is strength in the ability to be honest about WHO you are, not trying to be what the rest of present society + social media may be; and freedom from passing judgements and holding prejudices, allowing you to be open to those you encounter. To me, this seems like such a raw approach to life, free from self-obsessing and worry, but instead being full of love and openness. How beautiful is that?!"

I asked her, "When do you feel the most beautiful?" and I just love her response:

"I feel most beautiful when I'm climbing. It humbles me every time, forcing me to accept my weaknesses and my strengths. It brings an awareness to my mind and body like nothing else. I feel raw + vulnerable, strong and weak, graceful and awkward, confident and defeated. In all of these things is where I find beauty: allowing myself to feel ALL of it, and embracing each moment, but never dwelling on any."

It's always interesting to hear what other women feel like their hearts beat for. I find it incredible that we are very similar in so many ways, yet also vastly unique in our differences. Here are a few of her biggest dreams:

"To one day live on a hobby farm, spend some time traveling out west, and to have our house completely finished in the next year or two." She then wrapped up my series of questions with this:

"Really and truly, when asked what I tick for, what drives me, well, my heart beats for life. I enjoy life and the people in it. I feel secure where I am, and that makes me ecstatic to keep on going. I love to hike, backpack, camp, climb, garden, and homesteading--all of these are things that help me better enjoy the day to day. But I truly believe that everything begins with Jesus; I lay everything on my Creator, so I am free from crippling worry, anger, jealousy, and self-doubt. It's simple + yet wonderful."

And Ladies! This wraps up my first Beloved Woman post, and I so hope that you enjoyed reading + getting to know Jenna. There is strength in numbers, and I really believe that if we can all believe the phrase, 'community over competition,' along with, 'I am beloved by many,' our lives can be changed. Do you have a woman in mind whose story needs to be shared? PLEASE e-mail me. Feel free to nominate as many as you'd like. My dream for 2017 is that I meet so many of you, from all over the world!

You are beautiful, brave, strong, and worthy. And you are LOVED by so many.

Thank you for reading! Please, spread this series, and give Jenna some love in the comments below! xox

Goals [and Cookies!]

I am literally down to the wire until I am no longer doing the typical seven hour work day, and I literally can't believe it. Y'all, a year ago I started pinning things to a board called 'Homeschool,' and now I'm like, aw, crud, I haven't planned a dad blame thing! This week I started reaching out to other stay at home moms, seeking some schedule and curriculum advice, and I'm not panicking {yet} but I do feel a sense of urgency to come up with a PLAN.

I know I would get REALLY good at staying in pajamas all day, not brushing my teeth until noon, failing to change the kiddos into regular clothes, and honestly, forgetting to eat lunch because I won't have a set lunch time of 11:30-noon, like I did at work. While I think I'll celebrate my independence and freedom for a few days, I really hope to set some goals and follow THROUGH. So stay tuned... because I'm sure I'll have an update for you guys in a few months {progress? Or #epicfail?} EEEK.

1. Eat breakfast [at the table] with the kids and read a devotional while they eat
2. wash my face and everyone's teeth [maybe throw in a shower?] ;) 
3. start a routine of school work with them / letters, sight words, science projects, SOMETHING...
4. read aloud daily, other than at nap/bed time
5. go for a walk or play out back before naps
6. if laundry gets done, put it AWAY. this never happens [am i the only one?]
7. eat lunch. be healthy. take care of me. 
8. if i don't make it to the gym, do at least one Suzanne Bowen workout a week
9. write for at least 15 minutes a day, whether journaling or in this space
10. cook/prepare 1 meal a week, since my husband is THE chef of the household

Goals are good, right? I never keep New Year Resolutions [I've only kept ONE in my entire life, see that Pin of my One New Pie a Month grid here!] But I think goals are important for everyone. I have a lot of dreams and visions for 2017, and I'm excited to share more of those LATER. But for now, I'd love to hear what YOUR goals are as a mama or a wife. Do you stay at home full time, work from home, work outside the home? I'll still be doing photography + blogging, so I'll definitely be working from home, but I am beyond ready to lighten my load a little bit and have my children be my *main* priority. 

DON'T GO JUST YET... because here is a brand new winter cookie recipe that you should bake ASAP. Chocolate Snowballs, which came from Better Homes and Gardens Christmas Cookies magazine.

1 c. butter, softened
1/2 c. powdered sugar
1/4 c. unsweetened dark cocoa powder
1 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. orange zest
1/2 tsp. salt
2 + 1/4 c. all purpose flour
1 c. miniature semisweet chocolate pieces
1 c. powdered sugar
{for the record, I would use sweetened cocoa powder OR regular chocolate chips next time, just because i like things on the sweeter side}

1. in a large bowl, beat butter w/ a mixer on medium to high for 30 seconds
2. add next 5 ingredients (through salt)
3. beat until combined, beat in flour, and stir in chocolate pieces [dough will be CRUMBLY]
4. hand-knead the dough until it's in the shape of a ball and cover.
5. chill for 30-60 minutes or until easy to handle
6. oven should pre-heat to 350
7. shape dough into 1-inch balls, place them 1 inch apart on ungreased cookie sheet
8. bake about 15 minutes or until they're just firm and the tops aren't glossy
9. cool on wire racks
10. place 1 cup powdered sugar into large ziplock and add cooled cookies to the bag. shake gently to coat
 

Voila! Easy first winter cookie recipe and the kids loved them.

Disclaimer: my husband totally made these. I was completely stressing out over our dog's surgery and to keep from crying, I took myself to the park for a walk and when I came back, these were in the oven. I married a keeper, guys. A real keeper.

Fun in the Fall: Our Weekend

Yesterday my husband and I got to go on a REAL DATE. The kids' old sitter, one of their very, very favorites, texted me Friday and said she'd be available if we wanted her. Since she's all grown up now and is a teacher herself, the kids have been been dying to see her...SO: HECK TO THE YES! was my response. It's not like we're deprived of time together, our kids go to bed around 8pm most nights, but getting out of the house and just spending a fun night together was sooo needed. We decided to knock out Christmas shopping and we actually got a TON done. Then we went to the mall and I was pretty obsessed with our dinner at California Pizza Kitchen. Yes to ALL the dumplings and Italian food, always. 

Anyway, this weekend has just been abundantly sweet and I wanted to share it here. It's hard to believe we've had five full days off from work and that tomorrow is Monday. But guess what? ONLY THREE MORE FULL WEEKS AND I AM DONE! 

This evening Asa went grocery shopping and the kids and I decided we needed some fresh air at the park. They put on their new Tsukihoshi tennis shoes (which are perfect for our outdoor adventures), grabbed their bikes, and we had some fun in the leaves. I love that it's not yet frigid; honestly, if it's not going to drop feet of snow onto the ground, I don't need it cold. The kids had so much fun collecting leaves and racing each other as they drove their "babies" (Lion and Baby) around. 

This weekend was packed with family and friends and amazing food and quality time. Moments like these have me so grateful that a.) I have a GREAT job in my teaching career, that allows for paid time off and b.) that I have a super supportive husband who dreams with me for the coming year. 

I wish I had better documented our Thanksgiving. I only snapped a few quick photos, but we hosted. The ENTIRE local Glass family, two of our best friends, another friend and his son; we had a FULL HOUSE, and VERY full stomachs. Perhaps this week I'll muster up the courage to revisit my old archenemy, the gym, and work some of that off. 

What has been some of the greatest joys from YOUR Thanksgiving week? Did you host, go somewhere else? Have more than ONE lunch or dinner? I'd love to hear from YOU! Drop me a comment below and tell me your story! 

Kid's tennis shoes: Tsukihoshi

A Reflection of Gratitude

With Thanksgiving around the corner, and Christmas approaching ever too rapidly, I find it so helpful to slow down, and reflect on my blessings. This past weekend was especially abundant in all things GREAT, so I would love to share with you what's on my heart!

First: Not in a hundred years would I have fathomed we'd have kids so close together in age. In my 'dreams' of family planning, I remember very blatantly saying they would be at least 2.5 years apart. I'm thankful that I serve a mighty God, and that He had VASTLY different plans for that vision. He granted us a healthy son and fifteen months later, a healthy baby girl was placed in our arms. She is the definition of 'head-strong' and 'strong-willed,' but she has brought SO much joy and laughter to our family. Together, my kids teach me so much and inspire me daily to do better and BE better.

Having parents who are still married: I'll be honest, as a kid I didn't really know if that would be the case for my adult self. In fact, I remember conversing with my childhood best friend that I was pretty sure they were getting a divorce at one point. My oldest brother has severe special needs and they've been his SOLE caregivers for thirty-three YEARS. They've endured heart ache, loss, disappointments, confusion, loneliness, anger, and I've watched God spin a beautiful miracle between them. They're one of my greatest pictures of grace and redemption; they've helped me realize why a relationship with Christ is first and foremost important, and they've ingrained in me to NEVER GIVE UP. Thank you, Mom and Dad, for fighting HARD, each and every day, and for loving each other, in spite of life's many challenges.

My brothers: My oldest brother Nathan is a giant miracle, miracle. When I questioned my faith, he was the reason I always came back to this--there IS a God. He IS our Creator. Nathan is so loving, has a contagious giggle, and he NEVER lets life knock him down. And Sean, the guy who popped me on the head EVERY single morning; he's zealous and passionate, an incredibly hard worker, and loves with his whole heart. Sometimes as kids, our days were tough, and my memories are beautiful pictures of him being with me. Nonstop. Through all the challenges, the fun family vacations, the laughter, and the tears. My brothers are two of the biggest pieces of me, and I am so thankful to God for letting ME be their baby sister.

My dashing husband: the one I met in a coffee shop. The guy who has walked and talked with me for hours on end, the one who chooses ME, in spite of the ugly sin in my life. Guys, my mind spins a million miles a minute and he is always good to help me take a step back, and prioritize not only my to-do lists, but my life in general. In our dating years, I attempted several times to push him away, I've screwed up royally during our marriage, and when I look at this man, I think to myself: grace, upon grace, upon grace, upon GRACE. Asa Frank, I choose you today, tomorrow, and for the rest of eternity! 

Our zoo, aka, our five pets: When people find out HOW many pets we have, because our Golden Retriever Elsa is the dominant one on my Instagram feed, their response is, FIVE?! Asa had our Lab Humphrey before we ever met, I picked Elsa out when we were dating, and through the years, we've inherited three cats: an alley kitten, a vet rescue, and our orange wonder from Sandy's Pet Shop this past summer. As much as I complain about them and the hair they shed, doctor appointments that they always end up needing... I really can't imagine life without any of them. [Any of you with me and can relate to my crazy cat and dog lady self? Eeeeek.] 

Our beautiful 100+ year old home and ALL the crazy quirks it consists of: Do I want a house on acreage that will someday overlook my future horses and freshly washed clothes on our clothesline? You betcha. But God handpicked this current house for us and I believe that with ALL of my heart. When I saw pictures online, I told Asa, "This is our house." When I walked in the front entryway, without even seeing the rest, I said again, "THIS is our house. We will live here." And how cool is it that I've stayed in touch with the former owners, and can text her questions as needed and that not only is the couple who transformed this house an awesome one, but they're our brother and sister in Christ! Christians who once lived here, Christians who live here now, and I pray often that the next residents will also love and walk with the Lord. Reese's doorknob falls off every few days. Sometimes the water smells. The ice maker on the fridge is broke. We had to replace the kitchen floor. We need new carpet. And I complain often about needing more SPACE for the kids...but I sincerely do love every square inch of this place and I am SO thankful that it is our very sweet HOME. 

My inherited sisters: I have two older brothers and I joked that God never gave me a baby sister because he knew I didn't really like girls... BUT, I couldn't have picked better sisters for myself with the four I've inherited through marriage! My brother's wife is such a beautiful soul. She's artistic and passionate, a hard worker, and the most gracious and loving wife. Asa's older sister in Rhode Island, we unfortunately don't get to see a ton of, BUT, the second I met her, I kinda fell in love. She's patient and attentive, an excellent and driven mother of three, has the kindest and most gentle voice, and shares my appreciation for all things animals and American Girl Doll. His other sister, a mom of two, has an extreme passion for labor and birth. She inspires me often with how willing she is to talk about any and every thing, and you know that her heart feels everything SO deeply. And then, his brother's wife, not only am I blessed to WORK with in a school setting, but I ALSO get to photograph weddings with her. We share a deep love for art and photography and we're both from the North, so it's like we were destined to be friends. She's *always* there when I need her, and is one of the only people that I text at LEAST every other day. Well, other than my mother... She helped me process a LOT of emotional baggage when I first met her and was just dating Asa, and she has taught me SO much about motherhood. I never would have guessed that I would be the baby sister to so many women, but here I am. And my heart is VERY full. 

If I could sit here and write a paragraph for ALL the many things that I am thankful for, well, I think we would have a book. I've told you before that often I am a glass half empty type of gal, HOWEVER, I've been working on this a LOT. And why not share all of these good and happy blessings with you here in this space? 

What's on the top of YOUR gratitude list this week? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below! Let's chat and OH HEY, guess what? I'm also thankful for YOU. Yes, you. Reading this blog, taking the time to journey through this adventure with me. So thanks, and I hope you'll stick around!